Starting the Conversation: Creating a Positive Dialogue Around Finances

 The holiday bills are starting to arrive and everyone is feeling the pinch. Many of us struggle to make ends meet, but we are always ready if we can to help our children or our grandchildren. Opening discussions about money can feel awkward, but setting the right tone makes a world of difference. To create a positive dialogue around finances, choose the right time and place: Choose a relaxed setting, like a family dinner or a one-on-one coffee chat, to make the conversation informal and supportive rather than pressured. Avoid discussing finances during stressful or emotional moments.

Begin by acknowledging your child's independence and expressing your pride in their accomplishments. This sets a positive tone for the conversation. Share your financial journey, including successes and mistakes, to break the taboo and model that finances are a topic worth discussing. For example, say, “When I was your age, I learned some hard lessons about budgeting. I’d love to share them with you, so you don’t have to make the same mistakes.” By using "I" statements: Instead of saying "you need to," say "I've noticed" or "I'm concerned about." This helps your child feel less defensive and more receptive to your concerns.

Discuss your shared values and goals, such as financial security, independence, or building a safety net. Frame conversations as collaborative rather than authoritative. Questions like, “What are your financial goals?” or “How do you feel about managing money?” invite dialogue. This helps your child understand your perspective and feel more connected to the conversation.

If asked, share your own financial experiences, successes, and challenges. Be open about your financial situation, and avoid hiding information or making assumptions. Encourage questions and feedback: Create a safe space for your child to ask questions and share their thoughts. Listen actively and respond thoughtfully to their concerns.

Example conversation starter: "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about our family's financial situation. I'm proud of the progress you've made, and I want to make sure we're on the same page. Can we discuss our goals and values around money?" By making the topic approachable and empathetic, you pave the way for ongoing, productive discussions about money.