Welcome to the Dog Days (And No, We Don’t Mean Hot Dogs)

Well, here we are. The calendar has flipped past the Fourth of July, the hummingbirds are drinking like they just ran a marathon, and your favorite rocking chair on the porch has turned into a griddle. That’s right, friends. It’s the Dog Days of Summer.

Now, before you go looking for Duke or George lounging in their kiddie pools, let’s get one thing straight: this has nothing to do with actual dogs. No matter how much your basset hound is flopped on the tile floor like a fuzzy throw rug, the “Dog Days” aren’t named for him.

Here’s the fun trivia to impress your grandkids (or bore them, your choice). The ancient Greeks and Romans looked up at the night sky and noticed the brightest star, Sirius, rising right alongside the sun. Sirius is part of the constellation Canis Major, the Big Dog. They called this period dies caniculares, which sounds fancy but just means “dog star days.” They believed this scorching star added its own heat to the sun’s, creating the hottest, most miserable weeks of the year. July 3 to August 11, give or take.

Of course, we now know it’s not the star. It’s the Earth’s tilt. We’re just leaning into the sun like a tomato plant begging for light. But “Earth’s Tilt Days of Summer” doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?

Here’s why this matters to you and me, friends. During these forty-odd days, the heat isn’t just uncomfortable, it can be sneaky. Downright mischievous. It creeps up on you while you’re deadheading petunias or walking to the mailbox. One minute you’re fine, the next you’re wondering why the world is spinning and the lawn chair looks like a good place to take a nap.

Our bodies don’t regulate temperature as easily as they used to. That’s just a fact of being wonderfully seasoned. We sweat less, our hearts work a little harder, and sometimes we don’t feel hot until we’re already too hot. That’s why the Dog Days demand respect. Not fear, respect.

Think of it this way: you wouldn’t invite a raccoon into your kitchen. Don’t invite heat exhaustion into your afternoon.

So, here’s your first Dog Days commandment, delivered with love and a wink: Drink water before you’re thirsty. Thirst is a late alarm. By the time you feel it, you’re already playing catch-up. Keep a water bottle next to your favorite chair. Put a glass by the sink. Set a silly alarm on your phone that says, “Drink up, gorgeous.”

And please, for the love of all that is cool, check the forecast before you venture out. The Dog Days don’t care about your to-do list. They will bake you right in the middle of weeding the zinnias.

We’re going to spend the next few posts talking about the specific ways heat tries to trip us up: swollen ankles, cranky muscles, rashes that itch like crazy, and the big bad wolf of them all, heat stroke. But for today? Just remember  you are not a hot dog. You do not need to be grilled.

Stay cool. Stay hydrated. And laugh at Sirius. That star hasn’t earned its reputation.

Women’s Retirement Security Day

Did ;you know that there is a new day of awareness and action in the United States, dedicated to women’s retirement security.

Women's retirement journeys are rarely identical. Women face unique retirement challenges, including lower lifetime earnings, caregiving interruptions, longer life expectancy, limited access to workplace retirement plans, and competing financial priorities. No one gets to the goal of retirement alone. But one thing remains consistent:

People matter.

The conversations they  have.
The examples they see.
The encouragement they receive.

Retirement security is not built in isolation.

Retirement security is not just about individual responsibility. It is also about access, opportunity, education, and support.

These are some of the reasons why Women’s Retirement Security Day (WRSD) matters. Women’s Retirement Security Day is a new national awareness campaign that brings together employers, advocates, policymakers, retirement professionals, and community organizations to encourage conversations and practical action around women's retirement security.

Acknowledged annually on the second Tuesday of July, Women's Retirement Security Day is about recognizing that community, sharing our stories, and helping more women build a future marked by confidence, dignity, and choice.

The Geography of Loss

There is a particular kind of silence that falls over a life when it arrives at a fork in the road. It is not the quiet of peace, but the hush of a held breath. You stand at the junction of two paths leading in opposite directions: to tell or not to tell, to leap or not to leap, to leave or not to leave.

In these moments, time seems to stop, but the heart does not. The heart races. Because you know the truth that all the platitudes about “new beginnings” try to hide: every real choice is a double loss. Even the necessary losses, leaving a job that has died inside you, ending a love that has become a ruin, telling a truth that will shatter a family, these losses still hurt. The pain is not a sign you are wrong; it is a sign you are alive. You will feel the absence of the road not taken acutely. And the gains? The gains are constitutionally impossible to imagine. Your brain, wired for survival, can picture the shadow of what you lose but cannot render the color of what you might become.

You have likely tried everything to escape this vertigo.

The Rational Way (Franklin’s Ledger)
You pulled out a sheet of paper. You drew the line. Pro. Con. You listed the reasons: salary, security, loneliness, freedom. You tried to be Benjamin Franklin, practicing what he called “Moral or Prudential Algebra.” You struck out equal weights. You tried to reduce the chaos of your one precious life to a balance sheet.

But you found the flaw. The weight of a reason cannot be taken with the precision of algebraic quantities. How do you weigh “the sound of her laughter” against “financial stability”? How do you quantify “the shame of staying” against “the terror of the unknown”? Franklin’s method works for buying a horse. It fails for choosing a soul.

The Emotional Way (Abdication)
So you turned to the people you trust. You asked your mother, your best friend, your therapist. “Tell me what to do.” For a moment, the relief is narcotic. The responsibility lifts. But it always returns, heavier than before. Because abdication is not a solution; it is a loan against your own integrity. When the decision sours (as all decisions do, in small ways), you will have the double burden of regret and resentment. You will blame them for the life you chose.

The Coin Flip (The Illusion of Futility)
Finally, you might have reached for a coin. Heads I stay, tails I go. You told yourself that free will is an illusion, that the neuroscientists like Sam Harris are right, that “you are not the author of your thoughts.” Why agonize? Flip it.

But here is the secret the coin reveals: the moment it spins in the air, you suddenly know what you hope it lands on. Before it hits the ground, the decision is already made. The coin is not a decider; it is a diviner of your hidden want.

None of these methods solve the central poison of difficult decisions: renunciation. At the heart of every binary choice is the commandment to kill a version of yourself. If you go, you kill the person who stayed. If you stay, you murder the one who dared to leave. No wonder you are paralyzed. You are being asked to commit a slow violence against your own potential.

The Third Way: Integration over Renunciation

There is another way. It is not better or easier, but it is truer. It comes from a Danish philosopher with a profound sense of irony: Søren Kierkegaard.

Kierkegaard looked at the agony of either/or and laughed, not cruelly, but with the recognition of an absurd truth. He wrote his famous litany of regret:

“If you marry, you will regret it; if you do not marry, you will also regret it… If you hang yourself, you will regret it; if you do not hang yourself, you will also regret it… This… is the sum of all practical wisdom.”

Most people read this and despair. They think Kierkegaard is saying, “Nothing matters, all choices lead to pain.” But he is saying something far more radical. He is saying that you are looking for the wrong thing. You are searching for a decision that will bring certainty, a decision that will have no sorrow. That path does not exist. The true eternity, he insists, lies not behind either/or but ahead of it.

The third way is to stop asking, “Which path is right?” and start asking, “Which path will allow me to become more fully myself?” The goal is not to optimize outcomes (you cannot, you have only one life to test them). The goal is to align with your deepest value, knowing that sorrow is the price of admission to a meaningful life.

How to Lift Off: A Practice for Integration

You cannot choose between two losses. You can only choose which loss you will integrate into the story of who you are. Here is how to move from trudging the ground of forking paths to lifting into the sky of possibility.

Step 1: Stop trying to predict the future. Predict your regret.
Do not ask, “What will make me happy?” Happiness is a weather system; it changes. Ask instead, “Which decision, when I am eighty years old, will I regret not having tried?” Future-regret is a cleaner compass than present-fear.

Step 2: Name the dead.
Write down the specific version of yourself that will die with each choice. “If I leave this city, the version of me who was a loyal son dies.” “If I end this marriage, the version of me who was a protector dies.” Mourn them. Light a candle. Write a eulogy. You cannot move forward until you have honored what you are renouncing. Integration does not mean pretending loss isn’t loss. It means carrying the loss with you.

Step 3: The Kierkegaardian Leap of Faith.
Kierkegaard famously said, “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.” You will never have enough data. The pros and cons will never balance perfectly. At some point, you must close the ledger and leap. Not a blind leap, a leap of faith in your own capacity to metabolize whatever happens next. The leap is not about the outcome; it is about the courage to be the author of your own life, not the reader of someone else’s script.

Step 4: Choose the sorrow that lets you sing.
This is the final, brutal metric. Both paths contain sorrow. One sorrow is a deadening sorrow, a low hum of resignation, a life lived in the subjunctive (“what if”). The other sorrow is a generative sorrow, a grief that is also a door. The right decision is the one whose sorrow you can transform into song. Not joy, necessarily. Song. Meaning. Shape. The ability to look back and say, “That suffering was not for nothing.”

You are capable of deep sorrow. You are also capable of heavenly song. The question is not how to avoid the first, but how to arrange the second.

For Shar,

 

For Shar, a daughter who passed too soon

We will dance and sing till sundown and feast with abandon

We’ll sleep when the morning comes

Ane we’ll rise to the sound of the bird songs

We’ll be here when e world slows down and the sunbeams fade away

Keeping time with a pendulum, As the Fabric stats to fray

There are  no such times as time to kill, nor time to throw away

So once for the bright sky, and twice for another day,

Come, come along now, run  away from the humdrum

We’ll go to a place that is free from Greed, and boredom

And we’ll break our fast  with friends who

Mourn for me, west of here our story never ends

Author unkown