Music Has a Way of Sneaking Past Dementia

 There is something almost magical about music.

We don't fully understand why, but time and again researchers have found that music can reach people living with dementia in ways that conversation often can't. A familiar song can calm anxiety, lift a person's mood, reduce agitation, and, for a few precious moments, reconnect them with the people they love.

That's one of the reasons we offer our monthly Music Café for caregivers and people living with dementia. We've seen the smiles, the tapping feet, the singing, and sometimes even the conversations that follow a favourite song.

The research backs up what families have been noticing for years. Study after study has shown that music is one of the most effective non-drug approaches for reducing agitation and distress in people living with dementia. Other research has found that listening to personally meaningful music can stimulate parts of the brain that remain relatively untouched by Alzheimer's disease.

The key isn't just any music.

It's their music.

Researchers at the University of Utah found that songs connected to important life events light up parts of the brain that hold on the longest. One researcher described music as "an anchor" that helps ground a person back in their world. Another study found that nursing home residents who listened to personalized playlists often needed fewer antipsychotic medications.

Think about the music that mattered when your loved one was between the ages of 10 and 25. Those are often the songs that stay with us for life.

Creating a playlist doesn't take much time, and it could become one of the greatest gifts you give someone. Build it free. Any streaming app, 20 to 30 songs. Or try m4dradio.com, ( a Britishi free 24/7 station sorted by birth decade). Incredible resources right there.

Start by figuring out the years that shaped their musical memories. If they were born in 1946, look for songs from about 1956 to 1971.

Then become a musical detective. Ask brothers, sisters, old friends, or family members about wedding songs, favourite singers, church hymns, dances, or music that was always playing in the house. You can even ask simple questions like, "Were you an Elvis fan or did you prefer Sinatra?" You may be surprised by the smile that appears.

Build a playlist with 20 or 30 songs using your favourite streaming service, or explore one of the many free online stations that play music by decade.

When it's time to listen, choose a quiet moment. Comfortable headphones often work well, but speakers are fine if they're preferred. Watch for a tapping foot, a smile, or someone quietly singing along.

And here's one little suggestion that can make a big difference.

Instead of asking, "Do you remember this song?" simply ask, "Do you like this one?" There's no memory test to pass. Just enjoy the moment together.

This isn't a cure. The door may only open for a few minutes. But those minutes can be priceless.

A friend once told me that the song that always brought him back was "Viva Las Vegas." People joke that Elvis has left the building, but for three wonderful minutes, Elvis brought my friend right back into it.

The next time you visit someone living with dementia, don't worry about finding the perfect words.

Bring the music instead.

You may discover that the song says everything that needs to be said, except "Two cell towers got married. The ceremony wasn’t great, but the reception was perfect."

Retirement a road to discovery

I have written about preparing for retirement since 2010, and I have spent considerable time exploring the emotional adjustment that comes with this major life transition. When we retire, many of us leave behind an identity that has been shaped by our work, our responsibilities, and the roles we have proudly carried for decades. The challenge, and the opportunity, is discovering who we want to become in this next chapter. When I retired, I gave it about 10 minutes of consideration. My wife had decided to retire after a two-year medical issue. Once she was fully recovered, she decided to retire. She told me, I thought it would be a good idea, so I wrote my retirement letter and gave it to HR on the same day. I still had five years to go before I was eligible for full retirement. So, I did not think about, longevity, money, or who I wanted to become in the next chapter. Four years later, I realized that I had missed some important conversations with myself, I started to have them. I started this blog for many reasons, and one is to encourage others to have these important conversations before they retire. Don’t make my mistakes.

The experts spend so much time asking whether we have saved enough money for retirement that we are rarely asked whether we have prepared ourselves for the person we are about to become. I believe that is the conversation we need to start having.

This chapter of life is not defined by decline. It is defined by possibility. Retirement is the first time many of us have the freedom to separate who we are from what we did. That freedom can feel unsettling at first. After years of schedules, deadlines, and responsibilities, having unlimited choices can almost feel overwhelming. But uncertainty is often the beginning of transformation, not a sign that something has gone wrong.

The most meaningful preparation for the years ahead will not be found only in another financial projection or retirement calculator. It will come from asking ourselves deeper questions:

What brings me joy now that I have more time?

What interests or dreams have I postponed?

How do I want to contribute and make a difference?

What relationships do I want to strengthen?

What new experiences do I want to explore?

The conversation about retirement needs to move beyond "Can I afford to retire?" and include "How do I want to live when I retire?"

We don’t simply retire from the lives we’ve built. If we are willing to be curious, embrace change, and redefine success on our own terms, we have the opportunity to finally meet the person we have been waiting to become.

Many of us avoid retirement conversations because they think they need to have all the answers. Instead, encourage curiosity.

A few conversation starters:

For couples:

• "When we retire, what do we hope our days will look like?"
• "What are three things we want more time for?"
• "What parts of our current routine will we miss?"
• "How will we create purpose when work is no longer filling our calendar?"

For friends approaching retirement:

• "What are you looking forward to most?"
• "What is something you've always wanted to try?"
• "How do you want people to describe this next chapter of your life?"
• "What do you want retirement to give you that working life couldn't?"

For individuals:

• "Beyond financial security, what does a successful retirement look like for me?"
• "What parts of myself have I neglected while building my career?"
• "What legacy do I want to continue creating?"

Once method of preparing for retirement is to take a "retirement rehearsal." Before leaving work, take a few weeks or months and experiment: volunteer somewhere, take a class, reconnect with friends, explore a hobby, or change your daily routine. Retirement should not be a cliff we step off, it should be a bridge we begin building before we cross it.

The real question is not "What am I retiring from?" but "What am I retiring to?" Ask the questions befoe you retire, you will save time. It took me six years of an interesting journey before I felt I had found what I needed. 

 

Happy October! Don't forget the Foodbank!

 May your coffee stay hot, your pumpkin pie have extra whipped cream, your golf ball avoid the leaves, and your laughter echo louder than any ghost.

October is one of my favourite months. The air is crisp, the trees put on a spectacular show of colour, families gather around Thanksgiving tables, and we are reminded of just how much we have to be grateful for.

Gratitude, however, is more than counting our blessings. It is also about sharing them.

While many of us will enjoy a traditional Thanksgiving dinner  this upcoming weekend,  thousands of our neighbours will quietly wonder how they will put food on the table this month. Rising grocery prices have made life difficult for young families, seniors living on fixed incomes, and people facing unexpected hardships. More and more people are turning to their local food bank for help.

That's where each of us can make a difference.

You don't have to donate a truckload of groceries to change someone's day. A few cans of soup, a jar of peanut butter, a box of cereal, pasta, rice, canned vegetables, or other non-perishable items can help someone enjoy a meal they might otherwise have gone without.

But there is another important way to help: cash donations.

Many people don't realize that financial donations are incredibly valuable to food banks. With donated dollars, food banks can often purchase food in larger quantities, take advantage of wholesale pricing, and buy the items that are most urgently needed. A dollar donated can often provide more food than a dollar spent at the grocery store.

Cash also gives food banks the flexibility to respond quickly when needs change. Whether it is helping more families during difficult times, providing fresh produce, or filling gaps in their shelves, financial support allows them to make every donation go further.

One bag of groceries or one financial gift may not seem like much.

To someone who is struggling, it can mean hope.

As we admire the beauty of autumn and gather with those we love, let's also remember those whose tables may be a little emptier this year.

This October, when you're doing your grocery shopping, consider picking up one or two extra items for your local food bank. If you're able, make a financial contribution. Your generosity—whether it comes in a grocery bag or an envelope—helps ensure that more people in our community have enough to eat.

October reminds us that nature is generous. Trees share their beauty without expecting anything in return. Perhaps we can do the same.

May your coffee stay hot, your pie be delicious, your golf ball stay out of the leaves, and may your generosity warm someone's heart long after the Thanksgiving leftovers are gone.

October Smiles

 A Month of Fall, Thanksgiving and Halloween Humour

Here are 31 light-hearted one-liners to brighten every day of October.

October 1
Say what you want about morticians, they'll be the last people to ever let you down.

October 2
Autumn leaves are proof that it's perfectly okay to let go and still look beautiful.

October 3
I told my rake we were taking the day off. It gave me the silent treatment.

October 4
Retirement is the only job where every day can be Casual Friday.
Retirement is when every day is Saturday...
Until you realize it's Monday because everyone else is at work.

October 5
I love October. It's the one month when even spiders become home decorators.

October 6
My neighbour said he was making pumpkin pie from scratch. I asked, "How did you get the pumpkin to hold the pencil?"

I tried to organize my books by colour. Now I can't find anything, but the bookshelf looks fabulous.

October 7
The older I get, the more I appreciate elastic waistbands. They're the true heroes of Thanksgiving.
I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places.
He said, "Stop going to those places."

October 8
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see Thanksgiving leftovers, I eat them.

October 9
The trees are getting undressed for winter.
At least someone still has a seasonal wardrobe.

Leaves spend all year growing just so they can show off in October.

October 10 – Thanksgiving Eve
Tomorrow we'll count our blessings. The day after, we'll count the leftovers.

October 11 – Canadian Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving, the annual reminder that the turkey isn't the only one getting stuffed.

October 12
If calories disappeared with the leftovers, Thanksgiving would be a perfect holiday.

October 13
I tried to burn off my Thanksgiving dinner. Now the smoke alarm won't stop congratulating me.

October 14
Autumn is nature's way of saying, "Slow down... winter is coming."

October 15
I swept the leaves yesterday. Today they held a family reunion.

October 16
The scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field. He was also very down-to-earth.

October 17
Golf in October teaches patience. Every lost ball is either under leaves or in Canada.

October 18
October teaches us that change can be colourful.

October 19
The pumpkin told the squash, "Don't worry, we're both a little seedy."

October 20
I asked my wife if we needed another pumpkin. She said, "Of course, we don't have one in the bathroom."

October 21
My favourite exercise is carrying bags of Halloween candy from the store. After that, I deserve a nap.

October 22
Ghosts make terrible liars. You can see right through them.

October 23
The skeleton skipped the party because he had nobody to go with.

October 24
Why don't witches wear flat shoes? Because someone has to keep the pointy hat company.

October 25
The vampire became a librarian because he loved checking out good circulation.

October 26
The mummy called in sick. He was all wrapped up in something.

October 27
Never trust a ghost who says, "I'll be there in a minute."

October 28
The broom got promoted because it always swept the competition.

October 29
Monsters are just people who haven't had enough coffee.

October 30
Halloween is the only day when knocking on strangers' doors for candy is considered good manners.

October 31 – Halloween
As we get older, Halloween changes. We no longer worry about things that go bump in the night, we worry about getting up twice to go to the bathroom.
Remember...
You're never too old to dress up for Halloween.
Just tell everyone you're going as your younger self.

Happy October! May your coffee stay hot, your pumpkin pie have extra whipped cream, your golf ball avoid the leaves, and your laughter echo louder than any ghost.