Are You Really Listening? Or Just Waiting to Talk?

Let’s be honest: most of us think we’re good listeners. We nod politely, maintain eye contact, and maybe even throw in a “Mmm-hmm” or a “That’s interesting.” But here’s a question worth asking:

Are you really listening, or are you just waiting for your turn to talk?

It’s a tough question, especially for those of us who’ve spent a lifetime collecting stories, skills, and strong opinions. After all, what’s the point of experience if you can’t share it?

The problem isn’t that we want to talk. It’s that sometimes we forget to listen, and that’s when friendships get stuck, communication falters, and people quietly start to back away.

Let’s unpack what it really means to be a good listener and how it can help you grow your social circle and become someone others want to talk to.

What Listening Isn’t

First, here’s what listening is not:

• Waiting silently while someone else speaks so you can launch into your own story.
• Pretending to be interested while thinking about what you’re going to say next.
• Interrupting with, “That reminds me of the time I…”

Sound familiar? Most of us have done this, and probably more than once. But if it becomes a habit, others start to feel unheard, dismissed, or even invisible.

And when people don’t feel seen or heard, they don’t open up. That’s the fast track to being left out of conversations and social circles.

Listening Is an Act of Respect

True listening is one of the most generous things you can do for another person. It tells them:

• “I care what you think.”
• “You matter.”
• “You don’t need to compete for attention.”

Especially as seniors, when we’re trying to stay connected and build new friendships, listening becomes a superpower. It makes people feel safe and appreciated. It helps us build trust. And it opens doors to deeper, more meaningful relationships.

How to Practice Real Listening

It’s never too late to become a better listener. Here are a few things you can try starting today:

1. Let People Finish Their Thoughts

Don’t interrupt or finish their sentences. Give people the space to express themselves completely, even if you think you already know what they’re going to say.

2. Ask Follow-Up Questions

Instead of jumping in with your story, try asking them more about theirs:

• “What happened next?”
• “How did that make you feel?”
• “What did you decide to do?”

Follow-up questions show you’re engaged, and they give the other person a chance to go deeper.

3. Pause Before Responding

A two-second pause might feel awkward at first, but it can make a world of difference. It gives you time to absorb what they said and keeps you from steamrolling the conversation.

4. Resist the Urge to ‘One-Up’

If someone says they planted tomatoes, resist saying, “Oh, I once grew 50 pounds of heirloom Roma tomatoes in my condo balcony with only a turkey baster and prayer.” Try, “That’s great, how did they turn out?” instead.

Being supportive instead of competitive helps conversations feel mutual rather than performative.

A Quick Self-Test

Next time you’re in a conversation, try this:

• Did the other person do most of the talking?
• Did you ask questions about what they said?
• Did they seem more relaxed by the end of the chat?

If yes, you’re doing great. If not, that’s okay; awareness is the first step to improvement.

Why This Matters

If your goal is to make new friends, fit in with a group, or be better accepted socially, you need to offer what people are truly looking for: someone who makes them feel heard, valued, and interesting.

And here’s the surprising part: when you become a great listener, people will start to see you as more interesting, too. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Final Thought

Being a good listener doesn’t mean giving up your stories, opinions, or passions. It means giving them a little breathing room, so others have space to bring theirs to the table too.

And when you do that, you won’t have to work so hard to “fit in.” People will want to pull up a chair beside you.