Look on the bright side of life

 As you may know, I have Rheumatoid arthritis, and some days are better than others. So here are some jokes and humorous stories for those of us in the R.A. club, or for those of us who are suffering from any chronic illness.

The Diagnosis
My rheumatologist was looking over my chart and said, "I've got some good news and some bad news." My heart sank. "The good news is, you're not crazy." I sighed with relief. "The bad news is the pain you've been feeling is very real. It's Rheumatoid Arthritis." I thought for a second and said, "Doc, I'm not sure which one of those was actually the good news."

The Weather Report
I've become a more accurate weather forecaster than the local news. My friends don't bother checking their apps anymore; they just text me. "Hey, is it going to rain this afternoon?" If my knuckles feel like they're full of gravel, I just text back, "Bring an umbrella. The synovial membrane has spoken."

The Grocery Run
Everytime I go to the grocery store I decide to be heroic and carry all the grocery bags in from the car in one trip. My wife watches from the window. I stumbled through the door, victorious but breathless, and declare, "I am a mighty hunter-gatherer," to the sound of much laughter. I then have to immediately lie on the couch for twenty minutes because my wrists and shoulders always stage a full-scale mutiny, but one day they will not mutiny.

The Jar Dilemma
I was staring at a stubborn pickle jar, my hands simply refusing to cooperate. My neighbour, a kind but burly fellow, saw my struggle and said, "Here, let me get that for you!" He popped it open with a effortless twist. He handed it back, beaming with pride. I looked at the jar, then at him, and deadpanned, "Great. Now can you close it? It's going to take me three days to finish the whole thing."

The Secret Superpower
People are always talking about superheroes. Well, I have a secret power too. I can tell you the exact location of every piece of lint on the carpet without looking. How? Because when I drop my pill on the floor, my creaky knees and stiff back make the search-and-recovery mission so dramatic and lengthy that I conduct a full forensic survey of the entire area. Nothing escapes my notice, andif it does, my wife is there to point out where I missed looking.

The Morning Symphony
My morning routine isn't a quiet one. It's a symphony of sound effects. There's the low groan as I sit up (Cello), the series of pops and cracks as I stand (Percussion section), and the slow, deliberate shuffle to the bathroom (a sad trombone). My cat just watches, judging me, probably wondering why the human comes with so much unnecessary audio.

The Pharmacy Loyalty
I was at the pharmacy picking up my monthly biologic. The cashier looked at my receipt and then at me. "Sir, you've earned enough points this year for a free tote bag and a $50 gift card." I smiled wearily and said, "Put it towards my 'Frequent Flier' program. Do I get a free sandwich after ten infusions?"

Remember, you are not alone so always look to find the bright side  of life. Sometimes, laughing at the absurdity of it all is the best medicine we have. Keep your spirits high