Wednesday, November 24, 2010
We sometimes find ourselves shying away from moving into this awareness of I am. Our limited ways of thinking may bind us, but they are a comfortable, familiar bondage that lets us always think we know who and what we are, simply by asserting a verb or adjective after the I am. Nevertheless, just because something is comfortable, doesn't mean it is true or even good for us. If it were, we could all lie around on the couch every day watching mindless sitcoms while eating potato chips and drinking milkshakes (ahem, well, maybe some do!).
So if we lose who we are, do we lose our sense of values? The curse of memory loss is offset by the gift of being forced to go to essence. Your self-worth, your legitimacy, your self-image emanate from integrity, your integrity, the essence quality of your being. We all bellieve thjat we are a person of integrity who grapples with the truth, even and especially the devastating truth of memory loss, of uncertainty about seizures, of inability to easily sequence and focus, of a body wired with damaged receptors and transmitters, of a healing body and mind that lose ground as they heal. Clearly, comfort does not always equal health--whether mental, physical or spiritual.
Your instincts are still intact, perhaps buried under denial and incapacitated by fear. Ultimately you will have to rely heavily on them to guide you. With knowledge, understanding and self-acceptance you can begin to trust in your basic instincts again and find the courage to build and shape a new reality.
Growth is painful, almost all the time, but when we suffer memory loss or loss of self, we are given a new chance to rebuild our life throuigh a series of small painful steps.