Friday, February 4, 2011
Who are you?
The loss is a soul shattering experience, intense and intimate. It is so intimate that society as a whole averts its eyes and closes its ears to the pain, and despair of such a naked soul. It is a soul bedeviled by infantile demons, the very stuff from which neurosis and psychosis is made.
Intellect and intelligence are so associated with knowledge and facts that memory loss can easily lead to a feeling of loss of intelligence. If you are someone who is highly educated and who relied on intelligence and ability to remember facts and creatively use them to solve problems and envision solutions, an inability to remember is a devastating blow. No place is it more devastating than to your image of yourself. Where is your legitimacy? Where is your worth? Where is your purpose?
Only those who love you enough to dare be close to your suffering and your anger and your pain are left. Strange, but true, by losing the facade you lost some friends and relatives, but in return you lost the capacity to pretend. Now that's a return worth paying for.
So those of have lost sense of self it is ok to be angry at the right things and be sure that it is not at yourself. Be sad and disappointed over the right things and be proud you don't ever need to be disappointed in yourself. You nee not pretend any more. You and your struggle are present and true for those who dare come near.