Statistics show that at the age of 70, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?
Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt
You have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
You have a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
You are cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
A fortune teller offers to read your face.
After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.
You want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
Dialing long distance wears you out.
Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt -- doesn't work.
It takes twice as long -- to look half as good.
It takes too much effort to procrastinate.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
You’re getting old when “getting lucky” means you find a great parking space.
More than half of this list pertains to YOU!