Saying the right thing at the right time

 It is interesting to me that many of us do not believe in our ability to say the right thing at the right time. Sometimes saying nothing is saying the right thing, sometimes words of comfort are correct.  When we were younger some of us never worried about what we said. When I was younger, I had a friend who prided himself on saying the unexpected that sometimes bordered on being rude. I heard him say many times, “If I don’t say it no one will, I am not ashamed of being the a**h*le here.” Most of the time he was correct in his view. When I was young, I sometimes would play his role but found it unrewarding.

Saying the right thing means speaking your truth when you know others don’t want to hear it or speaking to those who are hurting. As I grew older,  I learned that speaking my truth to those in power was easy if I did not try to belittle or embarrass. At first, I used words to try to hurt and humiliate, but over time, as I spoke truth to those who needed to be told the truth,(as I saw it) I did learn to be more diplomatic and took steps to not embarrass anyone.

I learned this lesson when I was teaching my Masters's students. I had one older man who was a leader in his school, explain to me that when he disagreed with his Principal, he would take time to meet with him privately and if they could not come to an agreement or understanding he would then raise the issue publically. He said that 95% of the time the private conversations solved or resolved the issue. I listened and put his ideas into practice in my professional and private life.

The harder part of saying the right thing is when someone is hurting or grieving. Since I lost both my parents when I was young, I can and do say “I have some understanding of what you are going through but I am here if you need me. For those searching for the right thing as we know more people who have lost loved ones, here are some words

·        I am so sorry for your loss.

·        I wish I had the right words; just know I care.

·        I don't understand how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.

·        You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.

·        My favourite memory of your loved one is…

·        I am always just a phone call away.

Until everyone believes in their own ability to say exactly the right thing, at exactly the right time, to exactly the right person there is help, just reach out.