Time for some humour

A blonde guy goes to the big football game, he has great seats on the 50-yard line, 8 rows up, perfect. Just before kickoff, he hears someone behind him yelling, "Arnold, we're up here, Arnold!" He turns around and misses the kickoff! A short while later, just as the quarterback throws a long bomb, the same guy starts yelling, "Hey Arnold, we're up here, Arnold!!" Again, he turns around and again he misses the play This goes on for every big play. He hears the guy shouting, "Hey Arnold, look up here!" He turns around and misses the play. Finally, fuming mad, he turns around, pulls out his binoculars and scans the crowd for the guy doing all the yelling. He eventually spots him, after missing yet another big play. He runs up the stands, nearly to the top of the stadium. Pulls the guy out into the aisle, picks him up by the lapels and shouts, "Shut-up, my name isn't Arnold!!"

Do "good things really come to those who wait"?? I personally suspect they are just the leftovers from the people who got there first.

What makes 100%? What does it mean to give more than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give more than 100%. How about achieving 103%?

Well, here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If the letters of the alphabet A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z were represented as numbers: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 2122 23 24 25 26 then:

H - A - R - D - - W - O - R - K

would be:

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and,

K - N - O - W - L - E - D - G - E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

but,

A - T - T - I - T - U - D - E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

however - -

B - U - L - L - S - H - I - T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

and, look how far ass kissing will take you:

A - S - S - K - I - S - S - I - N - G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%.

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that: While, hard work and knowledge will get you close, and, attitude will get you there, it's Bullshit & Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

It was rush hour, and when the bus finally arrived, it was packed. I tried to force my way on, but no one would budge, although there was ample room in the back. Then the bus driver took over. "Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen," he shouted. "Will all the beautiful, smart people please move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly stupid people stay upfront?" Hey, it worked!!....there was plenty of room for me upfront... :o)

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

I've been told that your memory is the first thing to go as you grow older. Can anyone remember what they said was after that?