Much of the adjustment that goes into being a caregiver for your aging
parent goes into dealing with the stress and the emotional drain that role can
bring. In addition to the issues of how to care for her in the best possible
way, there are the emotions of anger when programs don’t work right or when the
facility, she is in has problems. There is resentment at other siblings or even
at your aging parent because of the demands this job has on you personally.
There are other adjustments that are a huge drain on you emotionally.
Balancing work, home and private life with the demands on your time being a
caregiver requires is a juggling act that will involve as many “dropped balls”
as successes before you ever get it right. And about the time you do get a good
balance, the demands of your elderly parent might change, and you are again
pulled back into that stressful situation.
So, you have to think about ways you can offset the demands on you and
try to take some time for you and for your family. These are all difficult
emotions which may be why it takes a real adult to be a caregiver for an
elderly person. But there is one emotion you may wish to foster and dwell on as
much as you can to offset the worry, the anxiety, the anger and the resentment.
That is the emotion of thankfulness.
Now it may seem impossible to even ponder how thankfulness could become
part of your emotional reaction to this demanding situation you find yourself
in. But if you can find ways to be thankful that you are the caregiver for your
parent, that positive emotion can do wonders to drive out those negative
emotions in your heart. And when you think about it, there are quite a few
great things you can be thankful for BECAUSE you are the primary caregiver for
your aging parent. Some of those are…
· You
are able to give back a bit of the sacrifice they made to raise you. The
amount of time and money and emotional effort your parents used upon you as a
child is something that can never be repaid. But you are giving a little bit
back in caring for them when they are old to say, “Thank you for raising me and
never giving up on me. And now I am not going to give up on you.”
· There
would be anxiety if you were not here. If you were far away in another state,
you would be a basket case if you didn’t know your mom or dad’s medical
condition. So by being close, you can get the facts quickly and get them right
which cuts down on all of those “what if” bad dreams about your mom and dad.
· You
always know what’s going on. There are a lot of “false alarms” with an elderly
person. They need someone that can say, “It’s all right. It’s under control” to
them. That someone is you.
· You
are needed and you are important to your elderly mom or dad. If ever there was
a time when you felt needed not just every so often but every day and every
hour of the day, it is when you are there to help your parents through this
tough time of their lives.
· Celebrate
those little times of laughter and joy. Celebrate when you enjoy a movie together
or laugh at those “insider” family jokes that always bring a smile. Those times
will be precious to you when your parent go on to their reward someday.
There is something deep inside us that feels a sense of completion when
we are able to stay with someone we love through a very tough time. Your love
for your parent and between you and her will deepen and grow stronger in a way
that will stay with you for the rest of your life.
And even after your parent goes on to their eternal reward, you
will be able to look back on those months when you gave all you could to make
those final months of her life happy and peaceful and you will be able to say,
“I did the right thing.” And that is one feeling that is irreplaceable and
something you will be able to be thankful for forever.
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