Be the reason someone believes in good people
When you die people cry and beg for you to come back but when you do there’s the running and the screaming.
We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced sot that stupid people won’t be offended.
It’s better to grow old with a sense of humour than to grow old with no sense at all.
Are you sweating whilst putting petrol in your car, feeling sick when you pay for it, you have got the carownervirus.
She said, there was no spark between us anymore. So, I tasered her! (I will ask again when she wakes up).
I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right and exercise… But that was 4 hours ago… when I was younger and full of hope!
Do you know what the nice things are about winter? Neither do I.
When I lost the fingers on my right hand in a freak accident, I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He said, “Probably, but I wouldn’t count on it.”
The school called today and said, “Your son is telling lies.”
“Well,’ I replied, “He must be really good because I don’t have any kids”
Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are.
My wife said, “Our new neighbours are so in love. He kisses her, strokes her hair, and hugs her. Why don’t you do that?”
I said, “Because I don’t know her that well yet.”
A man and a woman were travelling on a train. The woman says, “Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.”
The man says, “Aww……….! Are you single”?
The woman answers, “No I am a Dentist!”
Finally, The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts their sails.
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