After the honeymoon stage of retirement—the travels, the new
routines, the freedom—it’s common to feel a bit of a letdown. For some, this
phase comes as a surprise. After all, wasn’t retirement supposed to be the
reward for a lifetime of work?
My wife and I retired and spent the next six months in what
felt like a perpetual vacation. For a while, it was glorious freedom from
alarms, commutes, and deadlines. But over time, that sense of freedom gave way
to something I hadn’t expected: restlessness.
I started to miss the structure of work—the challenge, the
problem-solving, even the rhythm of a busy day. And yes, I’ll admit it: I
missed the feeling of being needed, of contributing. It wasn’t about missing
the “rat race,” but about missing purpose.
To complicate things, my wife loved her retirement. She
thrived in the new lifestyle. I… didn’t. And that mismatch began to cause
tension. We found ourselves bickering over little things. It felt like our
marriage was being tested in new and unexpected ways.
Eventually, I went back to work, not full time, but enough to
restore a sense of purpose and routine in my life. It helped tremendously, not
only for me but for us as a couple.
Not everyone will go through this phase, but many do. It can
feel a lot like the midlife moment when you ask yourself, “Is this really
it?” The same question comes back in retirement: “Is this all there is?”
The reality is, when the novelty wears off, retirement can
leave you feeling unanchored. Without goals or a clear sense of direction, some
people experience boredom, frustration, or even mild depression. But here’s the
good news: there are ways to navigate this stage without necessarily returning
to work.
Ways to Reclaim Meaning and Momentum During
Disenchantment:
🔹 Reconnect with
Purpose
Think about what gave you a sense of fulfillment during your working life. Was
it mentoring others? Solving problems? Creating things? Now look for ways to
tap into those values in your retired life—through volunteering, teaching,
creative pursuits, or community leadership.
🔹 Create a New Routine
One of the things people miss most after retiring is structure. Try
establishing a daily or weekly routine that includes time for learning,
movement, social connection, and rest. It doesn’t need to be rigid, but having a
rhythm can ground your days.
🔹 Talk About It
If you’re feeling disillusioned, talk to someone you trust, your spouse, a
friend, or even a counselor. Retirement is a major life transition, and it’s
okay to need support while you figure it out.
🔹 Explore New Roles
Many people find meaning in new identities during retirement, as artists,
community builders, caregivers, activists, or travelers. Ask yourself: What
role do I want to grow into next?
🔹 Give Yourself
Permission to Change Course
Just because you imagined retirement a certain way doesn’t mean it has to stay
that way. You’re allowed to revise your expectations. Retirement isn’t one big
destination—it’s a journey, and it can evolve.
You’re not alone if this stage catches you off guard. The
honeymoon period is wonderful, but the disenchantment that sometimes follows is
a real, human part of the transition. The key is to not get stuck in it. Let it
guide you to the next phase—one where you redefine what success, meaning, and
joy look like for you now.
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