What Is Good Communication, Anyway?

Let’s clear something up: talking isn’t the same as communicating. If it were, a lot more people would feel heard, understood, and appreciated. But as many of us have discovered the hard way, communication is a two-part dance, and some of us have been stepping on toes without even knowing it.

So, what does good communication look like, especially in your 60s, 70s, and beyond? And how can we improve our skills without losing our personality or sense of self?

Let’s talk about that. (And yes, this time, we’re listening too.)

Talking at People vs. Talking with People

Most of us have met someone who only seems to pause in a conversation so they can breathe or reload. They’re not really listening; they’re performing. You’ll say something simple like, “I love gardening,” and suddenly you’re treated to a ten-minute speech about their award-winning tomatoes from 1983.

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling like a prop in someone else’s story, you’ve felt the sting of one-sided communication.

The truth is, many seniors fall into this trap unintentionally. After all, we have decades of experience, stories, and wisdom to share. But when we forget to leave space for others to join in, we turn a conversation into a monologue, and people start tuning out.

Good communication is a conversation, not a contest. It’s not about who’s had the most exciting life or the longest resume. It’s about connection.

The Building Blocks of Clear, Friendly Communication

Let’s break it down:

1. Clarity

Say what you mean. If you’re asking for help, ask clearly. Don’t hint or beat around the bush. For example:

• Not clear: “Someone should really look into this.”
• Clear: “I think we need someone to call the venue today, can you do that?”

People aren’t mind readers, and unclear communication often leads to frustration or misunderstandings.

2. Tone

You might have the right message, but the wrong delivery. If you sound annoyed, critical, or dismissive (even if you don’t mean to), people might back away. A friendly tone goes a long way. Smile. Use people’s names. Say thank you.

Think of tone as the seasoning on a dish. Even the best ingredients can taste off if you throw in too much salt.

3. Active Listening

This is the real secret sauce. Listening isn’t waiting for your turn to speak, it’s tuning in, fully and intentionally. Try this:

• Make eye contact.
• Nod or give small verbal cues like “I see” or “Interesting.”
• Don’t interrupt. (Tough one, we know!)
• After someone speaks, reflect back a summary. “So, what you’re saying is…” shows you’ve heard them.

It sounds simple, but it takes practice. And humility.

A Word About Group Settings

In group conversations, especially on boards or committees, the way you communicate becomes even more important. Rambling, repeating yourself, or straying off topic can unintentionally frustrate others. If this happens often, people may begin to dismiss your contributions, even when you have something valuable to say.

A good rule of thumb? Speak with purpose. Ask yourself:

• Is what I’m about to say helpful to the discussion?
• Have others had a chance to speak?
• Am I adding something new, or just repeating?

It’s not about silence, it’s about timing.

Practice Makes Polite

You might be thinking, “At my age, I shouldn’t have to change how I communicate!” But here’s the thing: we’re not changing who you are, we’re updating the operating system so it works better in today’s social environment.

We all want to be heard, understood, and accepted. And it starts with showing others the same courtesy.

Final Thought

Good communication is more than a skill; it’s a gift. One, you offer to others every time you slow down, listen up, and speak with intention. When you do, you’ll find more people willing to walk alongside you, not just out of respect, but out of genuine connection