You Don’t Have to Do It Alone, Asking for and Accepting Help

Post 4: Series: Caregiving and Communication, Lessons from the Heart

Caregiving often begins gradually, an appointment here, a medication reminder there. But before long, it can become a full-time commitment. You find yourself doing everything from managing meals and mobility to scheduling treatments, calming fears, and absorbing emotions.

And through it all, one phrase echoes in your mind:
“I can handle this.”

But what if you don’t have to?

The Caregiver’s Myth of Self-Sufficiency

Many caregivers, especially women, are conditioned to believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness, failure, or disloyalty. Add to that cultural expectations or family dynamics, and the result is often quiet isolation.

The caregiver in our story admitted that despite decades as a education professional, she never reached out for help until it was too late. Her husband declined outside support, and she didn’t push, because she wanted to seem strong, capable, and in control.

But under that strength, she was struggling.
And she is not alone.

The Reality: Caregiving Is Too Big for One Person

Caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint. Without rest and reinforcement, even the most loving caregiver can burn out, develop health problems, or begin to lose the connection that made caregiving meaningful in the first place.

Help isn’t an indulgence. It’s a lifeline.

So how do you begin to ask?

Shifting Your Mindset

Start by reminding yourself of this truth:
Asking for help is not giving up, it’s growing stronger.
Support doesn’t replace you. It sustains you.

When you let someone else in, you create room to be more present, more rested, and more emotionally available, for both you and the person you’re caring for.

What Kind of Help Do You Need?

Before you can ask for help, try identifying what kind would make the biggest difference. Help can be:

• Emotional – someone to talk to who listens without judgment
• Practical – help with errands, cooking, laundry, or yard work
• Medical – a nurse, physiotherapist, or in-home care support
• Respite – a short break from caregiving to rest or recharge
• Administrative – assistance with paperwork, insurance, or appointments

It’s easier to ask for help when you’re clear on what you need.

How to Ask for Help (and Actually Accept It)

1. Start with People Who Care About You

Your network may be bigger than you think: siblings, adult children, neighbours, friends from church or community groups. Reach out with a specific, manageable request.

Try saying:
“Could you sit with Mom for two hours on Thursday so I can get some errands done?”
“We’re having trouble keeping up with meals, would you be open to dropping off something once this week?”

2. Use Technology to Coordinate Help

Websites and apps like CaringBridge, Lotsa Helping Hands, or even shared calendars can help coordinate schedules without endless calls or texts. These tools help people help you, on their time, in their way.

3. Be Honest About What You’re Facing

Sometimes the people around you don’t understand how intense caregiving has become, especially if you’ve been hiding your stress. Be truthful. Let them in.

Say:
“I’ve been trying to do this on my own, but it’s catching up to me. I need a hand.”

4. Practice Accepting Help Without Guilt

When someone offers to help, let them. Try saying “yes” before your instinct to decline kicks in.

And when they do help, resist the urge to apologize or minimize. Simply say:
“Thank you. This really helped.”

You deserve that support.

What If There’s No One to Help?

Some caregivers don’t have family nearby, or they’ve asked and been met with silence. If this is your situation, there are still options:

• Contact your local health authority or seniors' services to inquire about home care assessments, respite programs, or adult day programs.
• Look into caregiver grants or subsidies, these can help cover the cost of part-time help or equipment.
• Reach out to caregiver support organizations in your area or online. Many offer phone support, virtual groups, or resource directories.

You are not alone, even if it feels that way.

Let Go of the Superhero Cape

Caregivers are often praised for their strength, resilience, and sacrifice. But you don’t need to be a superhero to be a great caregiver.

You need rest. You need connection.
You need moments of peace and space to be you, not just “the caregiver.”

Gentle Challenge:

This week, ask for help once.
Big or small.
From a friend, a family member, a neighbour, or a professional service.
Then write down how it felt, and what changed.

You might be surprised how willing people are to step in.
And how much lighter your heart feels when you let them.

Helpful Online Resources to Find Local Caregiver Support

For Canada:

• Home Care Ontario
  A province-wide network offering information on home care services, caregiver support, and community resources.
• Caregiver Exchange
  Connects caregivers with support groups, respite care options, and local services.

For the United States:

• Eldercare Locator
  A government service that helps you find local services for seniors and caregivers across the U.S.
• Family Caregiver Alliance
  Provides resources, education, and advocacy for family caregivers nationwide.

For the United Kingdom:

• Carers UK
  Offers advice, local support groups, and information on government services for carers.
• Age UK
  A charity providing information on health, care, and support services across England.

For France:

• France Alzheimer
  A national organization supporting caregivers of people with Alzheimer’s and related diseases, with local branches.
• Maison Départementale des Personnes Handicapées (MDPH)
  Provides access to disability and caregiving support services regionally.

For Germany:

• Deutscher Caritasverband (Caritas Germany)
  Offers extensive caregiver support services and counseling.
• Pflege.de
  An online portal for care information, support options, and local care providers.

Tip for Readers:
If your country isn’t listed here, try searching online for “[Your country] caregiver support services” or “[Your country] home care resources” to find government or nonprofit organizations that can help. Local hospitals, senior centers, and social service agencies often have information on available supports too.

In Post 5, we’ll look at how caregivers can become their own advocates when talking to healthcare providers, because you deserve care, too.