Feeling Known, Included, and Connected

If you have been following this series, you know we have been exploring how the conversation around aging is changing. We have looked at healthy aging as creating a life that continues to feel active and meaningful. We have discovered the hidden superpower of retirement travel. We have explored movement as a foundation of healthy aging.

Today, we are turning to something that is just as important as physical health, perhaps even more so. We are talking about feeling known, included, and connected.

Healthy aging is not only physical. It is also emotional and social. Feeling known, included, and connected matters. It matters a great deal.

When we plan for retirement, we tend to focus on the practical things. We calculate our savings. We think about where we might live. We make lists of places we want to visit. But we often overlook one of the most important questions: who will be part of our lives?

Life transitions can sometimes change established social circles. Retirement, moving to a new home, or having family members relocate may create a need for new relationships and routines. The Government of Canada identifies maintaining social connections as an important part of mental wellness throughout later-life transitions.

And yet, so many of us do not plan for this. We assume our friendships will continue as they always have. We assume our social circles will remain intact. We assume we will figure it out.

But the truth is, retirement can be a lonely time. The daily interactions that used to fill our day, colleagues, clients, coffee breaks, team meetings, disappear. The structure that once brought us into contact with other people is gone. And if we are not intentional about building new connections, we can find ourselves isolated without even realizing it was happening.

The goal should not be to wait until someone feels isolated before creating opportunities for connection. It should be to build belonging into everyday life.

Let me tell you about Stephen. When he was in his late fifites, he found himself in hospital with a stomach bleed from an ulcer. As he lay in bed recovering, he thought about his future. He had always had a vague idea that he would retire early. Discharged from hospital, he gave his business partners three years' notice. And after three years, he kept his word.

At first, he did all those projects around the house that he had ignored for 20 years. But as part of his planning, he had considered the prospect of aging. He wanted to stay young as long as possible and be supported in his later years. So, he made a decision that might seem surprising: he moved into a retirement home.

A new world opened up for him. He gave talks to fellow residents on astronomy. He became active in the film club. And he learned to tap dance. Before he knew it, a whole group of them were dancing.

Now, not all of us want to move into a retirement community. That is not the point. The point is that Stephen was open to creating new experiences for himself. He did not wait for connection to come to him. He went out and found it.

He could have sat in his apartment and felt lonely. He could have complained that no one understood him. Instead, he tapped danced. Literally.

 An AARP study found that of the 7% of retirees who return to work, 15% cited boredom as the reason, with 14% saying they were motivated to help others. That is interesting. It tells us that many retirees are not returning to work for the money. They are returning because they miss the social connection, the sense of purpose, and the feeling of being part of something.

A friendly conversation outside your door, an invitation to join a group, or a spontaneous coffee with a neighbour may seem like small moments. Together, they create the feeling of being part of something.

Most people have not thought through what their life will be like in retirement. In my experience, they will say, "I'll figure it out. I'm going to go to Yellowstone. I'll go on cruises."

But when planning for retirement, they need to consider the work benefits that do not involve a paycheck: friendships, relationships, solving problems, and feeling like you play a significant role. The question is, "Where are you going to find purpose?" And it is not going to be on a cruise ship.

If you are feeling disconnected in retirement, here are some ideas to help you build new connections:

Join a group. It does not have to be a big commitment. A book club, a walking group, a craft circle, or a volunteer organization can introduce you to people who share your interests.

When someone invites you to something, say yes, even if you are not sure. The worst that can happen is you have an awkward hour. The best that can happen is you make a new friend.

If you are waiting for others to reach out, you may be waiting a long time. Be the one who suggests coffee, a walk, or a meal. Most people are grateful for the invitation.

Volunteering is one of the best ways to meet people and feel connected. It also gives you a sense of purpose and contribution.

Sometimes we let friendships fade because we assume the other person is too busy or not interested. But often, they are waiting for you to reach out. A simple phone call or email can rekindle a connection that still matters.

Not everyone wants to move, but for some, a retirement community can open up a new world of social connection and activity. It is worth considering if you are feeling isolated.

This week, do one thing to build connection. It could be:

• Calling a friend you have not spoken to in a while
• Joining a group or class
• Inviting a neighbour for coffee
• Volunteering for a cause you care about
• Saying yes to an invitation you would normally decline

Notice how you feel before and after. Connection is not just nice to have. It is essential to healthy aging.

And remember, the question is not, "Am I too old to make new friends?" It is, "What would I enjoy sharing with someone else?"

The answer to that question is always the same: whatever brings you joy.