Don't Take No for an Answer, Until You Know Who Is Saying It

 Here is a piece of advice I wish someone had given me years ago:

Don't take a “no” from someone who isn't empowered to give you a “yes.”

That doesn't mean you should become pushy, rude or demanding. It doesn't mean you should argue with the person standing behind the counter or make someone's day miserable because you didn't get the answer you wanted.

It means something much simpler.

Learn to ask, “Is there someone else I could speak with about this?”

There is a big difference between “No” and “I can't.”

The person you are talking to may not actually be the person making the decision. They may simply be following a policy, a procedure or instructions they have been given.

They may be telling you what they have been told to tell you.

That doesn't necessarily mean the answer is wrong. It simply means you may not have reached the person who can make the decision.

I was reminded of this recently while waiting in a medical office for a blood test.

There was a lineup at the registration desk. While we were waiting, a man came into the office carrying a stool sample. He needed to hand it in.

Instead of joining the line, he walked toward the back of the area where the testing was being done and spoke with one of the workers.

She told him to wait in line.

He didn't argue.

He went to the counter and spoke with one of the nurses. She also told him to go back and wait in the line.

Still, he didn't argue.

He simply went to another clerk.

That clerk listened to him, checked his information and took his sample.

Problem solved.

There was something else about this man that caught my attention.

He was 92 years old.

And he didn't look like someone who had spent his life accepting the first “no” he heard.

I don't know whether he understood the system better than the rest of us, whether he had done this before, or whether he simply figured there had to be another way.

But I admired his persistence.

He didn't yell.

He didn't complain.

He didn't tell the workers they didn't know what they were doing.

He simply kept looking for someone who could help him.

There is an important lesson here for all of us, particularly as we get older.

Sometimes we become reluctant to challenge decisions.

We may think, “I don't want to make a fuss.”

Or “I don't want to bother anyone.”

Or perhaps we think, “That's just the way things are now.”

Sometimes that attitude is perfectly reasonable.

But sometimes it costs us.

It can mean missing out on something we are entitled to receive, failing to get the help we need, or accepting a decision simply because the first person we spoke to didn't know how to solve the problem.

This happens everywhere.

At a doctor's office.

At a government office.

At a bank.

With an insurance company.

At an airport.

Even when dealing with a business that has provided you with a service.

The first person you speak with may have limited authority.

They may be able to explain the rules but not change them.

That's when a polite question can make all the difference:

“I understand. Is there someone who has the authority to make an exception or review this decision?”

Or:

“Who would be the best person for me to speak with about this?”

Notice the difference.

You're not demanding.

You're not attacking the person.

You're simply trying to find the right door.

And sometimes that door leads to a yes.

Of course, persistence has limits.

If you eventually reach the person who has the authority to make the decision and they say no, you may have to accept it.

But at least then you know you have reached the right person.

And if the answer is still no, you can ask one more useful question:

“Could you explain why?”

Understanding the reason behind a decision can sometimes reveal another possibility. Perhaps there is an appeal process. Perhaps there is another program. Perhaps you need different documentation. Perhaps you simply misunderstood the rule.

The goal isn't to get your way every time.

The goal is to make sure you don't give up simply because the first person you meet says no.

There is a fine line between being persistent and being a pain in the neck.

We should stay on the right side of that line.

Be respectful. Be patient. Listen. Thank the person for trying to help.

But don't be afraid to say, “Who else could I talk to?”

That 92-year-old man at the blood-testing clinic gave me a wonderful reminder.

At 92, he wasn't looking for an argument.

He was looking for a solution.

Perhaps that's the attitude we should all carry with us as we get older.

Don't fight the system. Learn how to navigate it.

Don't accept “no” simply because someone without the authority to say “yes” gave you one.

Ask another question.

Find another door.

And if you finally reach the person who can make the decision and the answer is still no, then you know where you stand.

Sometimes the most important thing isn't getting a yes.

It's making sure you asked the right person for one