Fighting Loneliness

When you are raising your kids in your adult years, it seems you will never know a minute’s peace.  Each day was another explosion of yelling, running and wild activity in the house from the moment the kids are born until they are grown and moving out.  It was when the last one finally made their way into the world that you actually knew what was to be alone, at least the two of you. 

A full life such as this makes the adjustment to senior citizen status, retirement and the time you may spend alone and with time on your hands a bit of an adjustment.  The adjustment is even more profound if you enter your senior years alone and you find yourself alone much of the time.  The problem of loneliness is chronic in senior citizens so it’s good to get out ahead of it so it doesn’t cause serious problems the longer it goes on.

The negatives of loneliness in senior citizens are well known.  Excessive loneliness can easily lead to a sense of isolation, desperation, and depression.  This can result in substance abuse or worse if the senior citizen doesn’t find a way to fight back against that feeling of being alone.  It is easy if you are in your house that used to be filled with children to feel abandoned and resentful when your day passes with no human contact.  If you have relocated to an assisted living center or nursing home, the problem may be even worse as you don’t have the comfort of familiar surroundings.  

But to feel sorry for your self and blame your children for not coming to see you is not a healthy way to fight this enemy.  Yes, your children should call or come see you more often.  But short of moving in with you or you with them, the problem of loneliness will have to be solved by you and using other means.  It may seem like a simplistic answer to loneliness but the beginning of solving these problems is a simple prescription which is – Get Out of the House!

If waiting in your house or apartment for people to bring companionship to you has not worked so far, it probably isn’t going to.  So you have to get out there and engage life directly.  If you can become proactive and take command of the situation, you will find the opportunities to find friendship and companionship are diverse and abundant.  Among some of the ways, you can get in the company of other people are…

.   Senior citizen functions.  If you are in an assisted living or retirement home, there are events being planned all the time for you to get out and meet your neighbors.  But even if that is not your living arrangements, most local communities have senior centers that have as one of their primary missions in life to provide a social outlet for senior citizens.  So use that resource to its fullest.

.   Volunteering.  There are so many excellent ways for you to volunteer at church, with civic groups or in the arts that you can stay continuously busy.  Not only do you get the gratification of doing something good for others, you get out and meet people which is a sure cure for loneliness.

.   Church.  If you are active in your church, they always have ways for you to be involved during the day.  Some of them will be volunteer opportunities but others might just be attending a good bible study or social time with your Sunday School class.

.   Pitch in with the grandkids.  This is a wonderful way to get out.  You love those grandkids and by giving your children a way to get out and leave them in a trusted place, you do them good and get tons of great play time with those sweet children.

These are just a few great ways for you to get out and meet people who will welcome you with open arms.  These are areas of life that are eager for an enthusiastic Grandma or Grandpa to jump in feet first and get involved.  Getting involved means staying busy and staying busy means never feeling lonely again. And that is the permanent cure for loneliness.

Stories

I love a good story as do all of us. Stories help us understand and put order into the chaos that we live every day. We get up in the morning and we have no idea what will happen to us as we live out the story of our lives. Today we could be a hero, a victim, a villain, a bystander or a witness. Tomorrow we don't know what part we will play. Life is confusing and chaotic and mostly good.

As we look back at our lives we start to create a narrative or a story about our life so that we can become the heroes or heroines of our own story.  In ancient time we revered storytellers and held them in high esteem, today we still do but we hold the actors who play in the stories to a higher regard than the writers who create the story. 

I love my stories to be told in printed form or in the form of a song, but I will embrace a well-told story done on stage or in any visual medium. My wife loves her stories to be told in any visual form but still likes stories told in printed form. She does not fully appreciate the stories that we hear in musical form as much as I do. 

Whatever the format a good story puts order into our confusion, a good story has five components, characters, setting, plot, conflict, and resolution.The plot of a good story has a beginning, a middle and a resolution. The setting is where and when the story takes place, and the characters are the people the story is about, or who are in the story. Every story has a conflict to solve sometimes the conflict is resolved with humor, sometimes with drama. The plot centers on this conflict and the ways in which the characters attempt to resolve the problem.

As we age and look at the end of our life, we begin to think of how we can leave a legacy to those we leave behind. We start to build the statement or story of our life. Hopefully, we find the means to resolve the conflicts we have had in our lives and find a way to resolve them in a way that is not hurtful to others. 

When we look at the story of our life, who are the characters that share our story, who are the supporting cast, the good and bad people we have shared our life story with over the years. Are we the heroes in our life that we imagined we would be when we were ten years old? If we find we are not that hero, then the question becomes is it too late to become that hero or can we rewrite the last few chapters so that if we are not the hero, perhaps we will play a better part?

Life meaning is framed by styles of appearance, language, material acquisitions, and social affiliations in the quest for a solid footing in the external world. As we age we begin to look inward rather than to the outer world in our search for life meaning and a satisfactory resolution to our story.

Learning Music as a Boomer/Senior

We were deep in conversation, about this and that. I was asked how my son and his band were doing, and then the questions became focused on the skills involved in creating music, one of the questions asked was “how do people who create music do it”? Great question, my son can create music and then put lyrics to the music he created. His band and songs are doing quite well on the Net. (The Band is called “The Ghost of Blood Alley”) However, this skill was not passed down from either his mother or I. I cannot carry a tune, let alone play any musical instruments. I think that there is some genetics involved because my daughter, as well as all of my Nieces and Nephews, have the ability to play and write music.

So, when the question was asked none of the group had the answer although we all knee that learning music as a senior had some health benefits. Music has been found to stimulate parts of the brain, and studies have demonstrated that music enhances the memory of Alzheimer's and dementia patients, including a study conducted at UC Irvine, which showed that scores on memory tests of Alzheimer's patients improved when they listened to classical music.

Adults age 60 to 85 without previous musical experience exhibited improved processing speed and memory after just three months of weekly 30-minute piano lessons and three hours a week of practice, whereas the control group showed no changes in these abilities.

Playing an instrument as a kid leads to a sharper mind in old age, according to a new study conducted by Brenda Hanna-Pladdy, a clinical neuropsychologist in Emory’s Department of Neurology, and her colleagues. The researchers gave 70 people between the ages of 60 and 83 a battery of tests to measure memory and other cognitive abilities. The researchers found that those who had played an instrument for a decade or longer scored significantly higher on the tests than those with no musical background

Cognitive and neural benefits of musical experience continue throughout the lifespan, and counteract some of the negative effects of ageing, such as memory and hearing difficulties in older adults.

Involvement in participatory arts programs has been shown to have a positive effect on mental health, physical health, and social functioning in older adults, regardless of their ability. The arts also contribute to communicating, building the sense of identity, preserving or restoring social capital, and strengthening social networks in communities.

Research shows that music activities (both music listening and music making) can influence older adults’ perceptions about the quality of their lives. Some research has examined the effects of music listening on biological markers of health and subjective perceptions of well-being. Other studies on the psychological and social benefits associated with music making activities have demonstrated that participants often place considerable value on these “nonmusical” benefits of music activity.

Playing music "significantly" lowered the heart rates and calmed and regulated the blood pressures and respiration rates of patients who had undergone surgery.

Anger Management Music therapy can help people identify the emotions that underlie anger and increase the patient's awareness of these feelings and situations that can trigger them. If a situation or emotion is presented in a song the healthy options for expressing that feeling can be discussed and conflict resolution and problem-solving can be practiced in a positive manner.

Playing a musical instrument can reverse stress at the molecular level, according to studies conducted by Loma Linda University School of Medicine and Applied Biosystems.

Playing music increases human growth hormone (HgH) production among active older Americans. The findings revealed that the test group who took group keyboard lessons showed significantly higher levels of HgH than the control group of people who did not make music

Alzheimer's patients who drum can connect better with loved ones. The predictability of rhythm may provide the framework for repetitive responses that make few cognitive demands on people with dementia

Empowered Age

In a previous post, I talked about people continue to want to work after they retire. Well since we live in an entrepreneurial society, where there is a need/want there will be those eager and willing to fill that need.

I came across the website Empowered Age on a blog I read called Retirement-Only the Beginning in a guest post.  The Guest Post was by Joseph Byrne, Founder and CEO of EmpoweredAge.com, a service that connects highly-skilled retirees to part-time or short-term consulting projects in various industries.

The concept is not a new one, but I think his approach is unique, his focus is clear and he has a good understanding of the concerns of Boomers. I know that there are many websites that cater to Boomers looking to work. These services offer part-time manual labour jobs and not many services that require a more consultative approach.

Empowered Age has a focus Boomers with highly skilled experience who can provide value to a growing firm. Many growing firms have projects or would love to start projects to help launch a new product, oversee a new office opening, or advise on a new sales strategy but they cannot afford the time or people to do these important tasks Empowered Age, can provide the skills and people needed who can help. In the final paragraph of his post, Mr Byrne says, “Whatever your idea of retirement may be, planning will be an important part. Whether that be financially, geographically, professionally, or socially, be aware to engage in activities that provide value to you. Look for opportunities that benefit your intellectual as well as your physical health. Wherever your journey takes you, we wish you health and success. If part-time consulting work is in that journey, Empowered Age will help you along the way. Visit us at Empowered Age for more information.”

So, I did, I like what how his site is set up and the simplicity of providing your information and some of the resources offered (there could be more, but what they have are interesting). Empowered Age is a service that appears to be only offered to those living in the United States, but I am sure there will be similar offerings in other countries where Boomers are retiring in large numbers. I look forward to the time someone in Canada offers this service.