Dealing with a family member who is dying

My friend's younger brother (he is 63) has malignant mesothelioma, which is a type of cancer that has affected the tissue lining his lung. I asked my friend how his brother is doing. He said he puts on a brave face, but when he is tired, he looks like a dying man. My friend continued I don't know how long he has, the doctors think that he could have a week, a month or two or three months, but it is not good. We talked about how hard it must be on my friend and his sisters and his brothers family.

My friend agreed and he told me his brother was talking about ending his life, with assisted suicide but that his brother had not done anything concrete or taken any other action except to talk about it at this point. I could see that the discussion of his brother was not one my friend wanted to continue, so we changed the topic, and discussed the home renovations we both had to complete.

I started thinking, how do we talk about death and dying. My friends' brother had, according to my friend, made peace with the fact he was dying as my friend and his family have made peace with the pending loss of their brother. Losing a family member is not easy, but when a family member is dying the strain on the rest of the family is tremendous, and there is not much help.

My friend told me that his sisters, as part of their volunteerism, go to the hospice in their hometown and provide vigils and sit with the patients who are dying. I thought this was wonderful as it helps those who are dying to know they are not alone but came back to the question, who helps the family dealing with this loss.

Once a person dies, there are supports in place to help the family, but I wonder if there are supports in place to help family members as the person is dying. I also realized that if a family is dealing with this issue, they may not have the energy to find out more information or to seek help. So I thought I would list some ideas here. There are many supports available:

Ireland has information at http://hospicefoundation.ie/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Supporting-Families.pdf where there are links to further supports.

Palliative Care Australia has information at http://palliativecare.org.au/resources/how-can-i-support-my-friendfamily-member 


In England, the National Health Authority has done some interesting research into this issue at https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4436280/

In Canada, the Virtual Hospice has information on dealing with death and dying including an article on  how to talk to a dying person
 http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics/Communication/Tips+for+Talking+with+Someone+Who+is+Dying.aspx 
https://www.canada.ca/en/employment-social-development/programs/ei/ei-list/reports/compassionate-difficult-times.html

Other organization also have information for families who are dealing with a person who is dying. Here are some: 
https://oceansidehospice.com/coping-tasks-for-the-family/
https://www.dyingmatters.org/
http://www.ohtn.on.ca/rapid-response-impact-of-medical-assistance-in-dying-on-family-and-friends/

Protect yourself from Frauds and Scams

To avoid being scammed you have to remain diligent and follow these steps: 

• Assess the validity of all messages that you receive from people and business that you do not know. That includes any unsolicited phone calls, people knocking on your door, emails sent you—even those that look like they are from a company you do business with, or family and friends—and letters received in the mail that look like they are official.
• Any emails and links sent to you that seem off should be checked first, by rolling your cursor over them with your mouse before actually clicking on the link. Look at the destination URL is to see if it looks legitimate or not.
• Scammers will also pose as imposters from businesses or organizations and call or approach you in person. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) recently warned people about scammers posing as CFPB employees.
• Criminals will go to great lengths to try to pressure you with demands for money or payments. If you feel you are being victimized, make sure to report the scam to the proper government agency, your local Better Business Bureau office, and your local police department.

Here are some resources in Canada to help
PhoneBusters: 1-888-495-8501 www.phonebusters.com  
Canadian Antifraud Centre: 1-888-495-8501 www.antifraudcentre.ca
Canada Revenue Agency: 1-800-267-2384 

www.cra-arc.gc.ca/charities
Better Business Bureau of Mainland BC: 604- 682-2711 http://mainlandbc.bbb.org

Frauds and Scams Part 4

Scams are repeated because they work. The ones that work are often driven by financial life moments such as taxes, holiday shopping, and utility scams. Identity thieves and scammers often try new twists on old scams that worked in the past. So far this year, a number of different and new scams have made the news, listed here in alphabetical order, not by ranking.

Tax Prep Scam

Not only are U.S. taxpayers the targets of scammers this tax season, so are the tax professionals that prepare tax returns. Tax fraud is big business for fraudsters that can steal the tax preparers information and turn around and sell it on the dark web for money.  This year scammers are sending a lot more phishing emails in an attempt to gain access to the accountant’s computer. By doing so, the scammer can get access to that tax professional’s client list and computer IP address to file fake tax returns on their behalf. Once submitted, the scammer will have the refund check sent to an address that they can pick up the check.

Tech Support Fraud

In 2017 there were 11,000 complaints related to tech support fraud that resulted in claimed losses of nearly $15 million – an 86% increase in losses from 2016. These tech support scams have prompted the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) to warn consumers about criminals claiming to provide a customer, security, or technical support as a cover in an effort to defraud individuals.  The scam can take place through a phishing email, phone calls, pop-up ad or even a locked screen on your device with a phone number to call to fix. The IC3 offers several tips and guidance on how to handle situations like this and reminds people that legitimate customer, security, or tech support companies will not initiate unsolicited contact with individuals.

Veterans Scams

Fake charity scams are nothing new, and the Veterans Affairs Department and U.S. Postal Inspection Service warn that veterans of the armed forces are particularly vulnerable. The scammers reportedly offer pension buyouts to veterans or ask veterans to donate to a charity that sounds and looks real but isn’t. The scammers use the donations or cash the pension checks.

The scammers will also take the donor’s personal information to create a new fake identity or commit more crimes under that person’s name. According to an AARP survey, 16% of veterans have lost money to fraudsters, compared to 8% of non-veterans.

Frauds and Scams Part 3

Scams are repeated because they work. The ones that work are often driven by financial life moments such as taxes, holiday shopping, and utility scams. Identity thieves and scammers often try new twists on old scams that worked in the past. So far this year, a number of different and new scams have made the news, listed here in alphabetical order, not by ranking.

Porting Scams

The scam called “porting” involves criminals stealing your phone number and your phone service in order to get access to your bank account through confirmation text messages. Scammers start by collecting your name, phone number and then gather any other information they can find about you such as your address, Social Security number, and date of birth.

Then they contact your mobile carrier and state that your phone has been stolen and ask that the number be “ported” to another provider and device. Once your number has been ported to a new device, scammers can then start accessing your accounts that require additional authorization such as code texted to your phone.

Romance Scams

Though Valentine’s Day is over, romance scams will continue to pop up throughout the year. A romance scam typically involves a criminal setting up an account on a dating site with fake information and photos for a profile that is too good to be true.  Once a target has been established, the scam usually escalates to the thief’s unveiling of a money problem. Typical scenarios include the request for funds so he or she can travel to meet you in person or to help a sick relative.

Unfortunately, seniors are the primary targets for romance scams, since they often spend more time alone as they age. Romance scams cost Americans more than $230 million as nearly 15,000 people were conned in 2016, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Secretary of State Scam

This scam starts when you receive an email claiming to be from Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, who says you’re owed a payment he knows about because of an investigation by the FBI and CIA.  The scam reportedly states that you will receive an ATM card with more than $1 million dollars on it, but first you have to send $320 along with personal information to receive it. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) says this is false—warning Americans to not fall for this—or anytime you’re told you have won a prize, owe money, or may go to jail.

Shimmer Scams

A shimmer scam is an update on skimming except that thieves are using “shimmers” to target chip-based credit and debit cards. A shimmer is a very thin piece of paper that can read your card number and access your credit or debit card’s EMV chip—the chip designed to help make your card more secure.

A thief will put a shimmer into an ATM and let it collect information from each card that is used, allowing them to then create a non-chip version or magnetic strip credit card. Shimmers have been showing up more recently despite first being reported on in 2015. In 2017, the number of debit cards compromised at ATMs and merchant card readers—typically via skimming devices that capture card data—rose 10%, according to FICO.

Tax Arrest Scam

The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) recently warned the public about “sophisticated phone scams” targeting taxpayers by claiming to be IRS employees. The scammers demand that the victims owe money to the IRS and to pay them promptly or be arrested, deported or have their driver’s license suspended.

Sometimes, the caller becomes aggressive, warning people that a Sheriff or local law enforcement will show up at their door if they don’t pay immediately. The IRS warning also reminded consumers that the IRS will never call to demand immediate payment over the phone, threaten to bring in local police, ask for credit or debit card numbers over the phone, or require you to use a specific payment method for your taxes.