Why Your Reaching Matters More Than You Know

I want to talk with you today about something the research on volunteering does not say directly but implies in every finding. Something we have danced around in our previous conversations but have not yet named plainly.

The people you will serve through volunteering may not be ready to receive you.

They may be suspicious. They may be ungrateful. They may be closed off, walled in, convinced that no one really cares and you are just another person passing through. They may reject your help, ignore your presence, or treat you with indifference.

And none of that matters. None of it changes the truth of what happens when you show up anyway.

The research review I told you about found something fascinating about what amplifies the benefits of volunteering. Feeling appreciated matters. Altruistic motivations matter. Reflection on what you are doing matters. Religious volunteering, for those who are inclined that way, matters.

But here is what the research does not say. It does not say that the people you help have to be grateful. It does not say that they have to welcome you with open arms. It does not say that your efforts must be met with appreciation in order for you to receive the benefits.

Why? Because the benefits are not dependent on them. The benefits are dependent on you. On your reaching. On your showing up. On your willingness to be responsible toward life, regardless of how life responds.

This connects deeply to what we have been exploring together. The idea that living itself means nothing other than being questioned. That our whole act of being is a response, a way of being responsible toward life.

Volunteering is one of the purest forms of that response. It is answering the question that the world asks, not with words, but with presence. Not with promises, but with action. Not with conditions, but with open hands.

And the beauty of it, the profound and liberating beauty of it, is that you do not need the world to be ready for you. You just need to be ready for the world.

I think about the volunteers I have known over the years. The ones who read to prisoners who stared at the floor and never said thank you. The ones who fed people who smelled of alcohol and muttered insults. The ones who visited nursing homes and sat with residents who did not know their own names, let alone the names of the strangers who came to see them.

Why did they keep doing it? Why do any of us keep doing things that seem to go unnoticed, unappreciated, unreturned?

Because the doing is not about them. It is about us. It is about answering the question that their existence asks. "Will you see me? Will you acknowledge that I am here? Will you treat me as human, even if I cannot treat you as human in return?"

That question does not require them to be ready. It only requires us to be willing.

The research confirms this in an indirect way. It found that social support, the connections we make through volunteering, has protective effects against negative outcomes. It found that positive social outcomes encourage other positive health and wellbeing outcomes. It found that the sense of community we build through service creates a foundation for everything else.

But that sense of community is not built only on the people who welcome us. It is built on the practice of showing up. On the habit of reaching out. On the discipline of being present even when presence seems pointless.

Think about the volunteers who staff crisis hotlines. They sit for hours, often in silence, waiting for calls that may never come. And when the calls do come, they are often from people who are angry, confused, not ready to receive help, not sure why they even called. The volunteers do not get thanked. They do not get appreciated. They do not get the satisfaction of seeing lives transformed in front of them.

And yet, study after study shows that crisis line volunteers report higher levels of purpose, connection, and life satisfaction than the general population. Not because the people they help are ready. But because they themselves are ready. Ready to answer. Ready to reach. Ready to be responsible toward life, regardless of how life responds.

This matters for us, my friends. This matters because so often we wait for the right conditions. We wait until we feel appreciated. We wait until someone asks. We wait until we are sure our efforts will make a difference.

And while we wait, the questions keep coming. And we keep not answering.

The research found that people of lower socioeconomic status may actually benefit more from volunteering than those of higher status. Think about what that means. The people who have less, who face more challenges, who might reasonably focus all their energy on surviving, these are the people who may gain the most from giving.

Why? Because giving connects us to something beyond our struggle. Because reaching out lifts us out of our own concerns. Because being responsible toward life, even when life is hard, reminds us that we are still part of something. Still needed. Still able to matter.

And if that is true for those who have less, how much more true might it be for us who have more? More time. More wisdom. More perspective. More freedom from the demands that once consumed us.

The research also found that religious volunteering amplifies the benefits of service. Not just because of altruistic motives, but because it provides a space to enact identity, to live out what we believe, to strengthen our connection to something sacred.

But I want to suggest that this is not limited to religious volunteering. Any volunteering that connects you to your deepest values, that allows you to enact the person you want to be, that gives you space to live out your beliefs about what matters, any volunteering like that will amplify the benefits.

Because the question is not whether the people you serve are ready. The question is whether you are ready. Ready to become the person you claim to be. Ready to live out your values. Ready to answer the call that has been waiting for you all along.

Here is my invitation to you today. Stop waiting for the perfect opportunity. Stop waiting to feel appreciated. Stop waiting for someone to ask.

Find something. Anything. A place where need exists, where your presence might matter, where you can show up and be present. And then show up. Not because you will be thanked. Not because you will see results. Not because the people you serve are ready.

Show up because you are ready. Show up because answering the question is what you were made for. Show up because being responsible toward life, regardless of how life responds, is the deepest source of meaning there is.

The research proves you will live longer. It proves you will function better. It proves you will find purpose and connection and joy.

But more than the research, more than the studies and statistics, there is the quiet truth you already know. The moments you have felt most alive are the moments you have forgotten yourself in service. The peace you have known deepest is the peace that came after you reached out, even when no one reached back.

That is the question asking. That is the answer waiting.

Even if they are not ready. Especially if they are not ready.

With hope and determination,
Every day I am learning to show up anyway

What We Always Suspected Is Finally Proven

I want to share something with you today that made my heart smile. Not because it is new news to most of us who have lived a while, but because it is wonderful when science catches up with what our grandmothers told us all along.

A comprehensive review of decades of research on volunteering has just confirmed what we have always suspected in our bones. Giving our time, our attention, our presence to others does not just help them. It helps us. It helps us in ways that are measurable, significant, and frankly, rather remarkable.

Let me translate some of that research language into something we can sit with over coffee.

The study found that people who volunteer live longer. Not just a little longer. Significantly longer. They found reduced mortality, which is a fancy way of saying that the act of reaching out to others adds days and years to our own lives. Think about that. The very thing that asks something of us, that requires us to get up and go and do, is the very thing that keeps us here longer to keep doing it.

They also found that volunteers have better physical functioning. That means we can keep doing the things we love. We can keep gardening, keep walking, keep lifting grandchildren, keep moving through the world with strength and purpose. Volunteering does not just add years to life. It adds life to years.

But here is what really struck me as I read through the findings. The benefits that showed up most strongly were not the physical ones, although those matter. The benefits that shone brightest were the ones we cannot always measure with machines or tests.

Pride. Empowerment. Motivation. Social support. Sense of community. Purpose.

These are the things that make life worth living. These are the answers to the questions that every single day asks of us. "Do I matter anymore?" "Is there a reason to get out of bed?" "Am I still part of something?"

And the research says yes. Yes, you matter. Yes, there is reason. Yes, you are still part of something, especially when you reach out and become part of something bigger than yourself.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. "I am too old." "I am too tired." "I have nothing to offer." "They do not need me."

The research says otherwise. In fact, it found something rather beautiful. Those of us in older age actually receive greater health benefits from volunteering than younger people do. The older we are, the more we gain from giving.

Why might that be? Well, I have my theories, and I suspect you do too. When we are younger, we are busy building, accumulating, striving. Volunteering is something we do, but it is one of many things. When we are older, when the building is mostly done and the striving has quieted down, volunteering becomes something different. It becomes a way of mattering. A way of staying connected. A way of answering the question that retirement and loss and change keep asking, which is, "Who are you now?"

The research suggests that volunteering compensates for the loss of the health and wellbeing benefits we used to get from our work. It eases the adjustment to this season of life. And while the studies are not entirely sure whether retirement itself explains this, they do know that the benefits of volunteering are distinct from work. They come from something deeper. From altruism. From self-actualization. From the simple human truth that we are wired to help one another.

Here is another finding that stopped me. The social connections we make through volunteering have a knock-on effect. They lead to other benefits. They protect us from negative outcomes. They create a web of support that catches us when we fall.

Think about that. When you volunteer, you are not just doing a task. You are building a net. A net that will hold you when you need holding. A net that connects you to others who will become part of your life in ways you cannot predict.

And here is the part that really matters for our conversation about answering life's questions. The research found that volunteering predicted self-reported health, functioning, and mental wellbeing much better than it predicted objective measures like medical conditions or frailty.

What does that mean? It means that how we feel about our lives, our sense of purpose and connection and meaning, may matter as much or more than the physical indicators we usually focus on. It means that flourishing mentally, feeling alive, engaged, and useful, predicts how long we live even when controlling for physical disease.

This is not small. This is huge. This is permission to stop obsessing about every ache and pain and start focusing on what makes us feel alive.

Here is what I am asking you to consider today. What question is life asking you right now? Through the news that makes you sad. Through the loneliness that creeps in on Sunday afternoons? Through the sense that maybe your best days are behind you?

What if the answer is not something you buy, take, or acquire? What if the answer is something you give?

What if the question is answered by showing up at a school to read to children who need someone to listen? What if it is answered by delivering meals to people who cannot get out? What if it is answered by sitting with someone who is dying, or planting a garden in a neglected lot, or answering phones at a place that helps people in crisis?

The research says it works. The research says you will live longer, feel better, function more fully, and find meaning you thought was lost.

But more than the research, more than the studies and statistics, there is the quiet truth that you already know. The times you have felt most alive are probably the times you have given most freely. The moments you have treasured longest are probably the moments you forgot yourself entirely in service to someone else.

That is the question asking. That is the answer waiting.

And the beautiful thing is that it does not require grand gestures. It does not require perfection or training or endless energy. It just requires showing up. Reaching out. Being present.

The research proves it. But I suspect you already knew.

There is something magical about

 There is something magical about the moment we wake up from a dream.

Perhaps you have had one of those nights. You are walking along a quiet path, and suddenly the scene changes. A friend appears who you have not seen in years. A door opens onto a landscape you have never visited. In dreams, the rules are wonderfully loose. Anything can happen next.

And here is the remarkable part. When the morning light comes through the window, you are not trapped by whatever you dreamed the night before. Last night you might have been climbing a mountain. Tonight, you might be sailing across an ocean. Each dream begins fresh.

Life works much the same way.

Many people today are feeling the weight of dark headlines and uncertain times. Younger people often speak about the future as if it has already been written in gloomy ink. They worry about the economy, the world, the climate, and a thousand things that feel outside their control. Sometimes they look around and struggle to see hope.

That is where seniors carry a quiet superpower.

You have lived through enough seasons to know something important: tomorrow has never arrived exactly the way people predicted it would. Wars ended. Recessions passed. Technologies appeared that no one imagined. Communities rebuilt themselves again and again. The world has always been a place where the unexpected can open doors.

Think of an older neighbour named Margaret sitting at the kitchen table with her grandson. The news is on in the background, and the young man sighs. “Everything seems broken,” he says.

Margaret smiles gently and pours another cup of tea.

“You know,” she says, “when I was your age, people were certain the world was heading in the wrong direction too. And yet here we are. New ideas, new inventions, new opportunities. The story didn’t end where people thought it would.”

That small conversation matters more than we realize.

Because seniors carry living proof that life keeps unfolding. Your memories are not just stories about the past. They are evidence that the future is still wide open.

Just like a dream.

Every night the mind creates entire worlds—cities, oceans, conversations, adventures. It invents bells ringing in distant towers, whistles echoing across train stations, and sparrows flying through bright morning skies. And who created all that?

You did.

The same imagination that paints those nighttime stories is alive during the day. It shows up when someone decides to volunteer at a food bank, start a walking group, write a blog, help a neighbour, or organize a community event. It appears whenever someone chooses curiosity instead of fear.

In that sense, each of us is still the Creator, the Manifestor, the quiet Genius behind what happens next.

Age does not take that power away. If anything, experience strengthens it. Seniors know how to build friendships, solve problems, and laugh at things that once seemed overwhelming. They know that storms pass and that small actions can ripple outward in surprising ways.

There is also an interesting reminder waiting for us in the calendar this month.

On March 15 comes the ancient Roman day known as the Ides of March. Many people remember it because of the dramatic story surrounding the assassination of Julius Caesar in 44 BCE, a moment made famous by the warning “Beware the Ides of March” in the play Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare.

But the original meaning of the day was far less ominous. In the Roman calendar, the Ides simply marked the middle of the month, a time when debts were settled and people paused to take stock of where they stood. It was a moment to reflect, adjust, and begin the next part of the journey.

That idea fits beautifully with the stage of life many seniors are living today.

The middle of the month is not the end of the story. It is the moment when you look around, consider what you have learned, and decide what comes next. Seniors are wonderfully positioned for that role. You have the experience to reflect honestly and the freedom to choose new directions.

Age does not take that power away. If anything, experience strengthens it. Seniors know how to build friendships, solve problems, and laugh at things that once seemed overwhelming. They know that storms pass and that small actions can ripple outward in surprising ways.

A retired teacher might begin tutoring children after school. A volunteer might organize a neighbourhood breakfast. Someone else might simply make a habit of greeting people with warmth and humour. None of these things will appear on the evening news, yet they shape the world just the same.

Younger people notice.

They watch how seniors move through life, with steadiness, humour, and a bit of stubborn optimism. When an older adult says, “Let’s see what we can build next,” it sends a quiet but powerful message: the future is still under construction.

And that is the heart of the dream.

Each morning, we wake up inside a story that has not finished yet. The plot twists are still coming. The new characters have not all appeared. The surprises are waiting just around the corner.

When times feel heavy, remember the lesson of the dreamer.

Last night’s dream never limits tonight’s dream.

And yesterday’s worries never have the final say over tomorrow.

Seniors understand this better than most. You have already lived through chapters that no one could have predicted. You have watched grandchildren grow, communities change, and new possibilities appear out of thin air.

That makes you something very special in today’s world.

You are living proof that hope is practical.

Keep dreaming during the day as well as at night. Keep creating small moments of kindness, laughter, and courage. Keep reminding those around you that life is not finished surprising us.

Because somewhere, even now, the next bell is ringing, the next whistle is sounding, and a sparrow is lifting into the sky.

And the next chapter of the dream is just beginning.

The easiest way to make the biggest difference in the world is

 I have been sitting with something these past few days, something that keeps circling back to me like a bird looking for a place to land. It came to me in the middle of the night, as these things often do when you are my age and sleep comes in pieces rather than in whole cloth.

The easiest way to make the biggest difference in the world begins with reaching out, right away, to those nearest. Even if they are not ready to receive your help.

Even if they are not ready.

That last part is the one that catches us, I think. That is the place where we hesitate, where we pull back our hand before it has fully extended, where we tell ourselves, "Well, they don't want me anyway," or "They would ask if they needed me," or "I don't want to be a bother."

But I have lived long enough to know that readiness is a luxury most people never have. The person who needs you almost never knows they need you. The hand reaching out is almost never met by a hand already reaching back. The help that matters most is almost always the help that arrives uninvited, unrequested, and sometimes even unwelcome at first.

And here is the truth that has taken me nearly eight decades to fully understand. That does not matter. That is not the point.

The point is the reaching. The point is the outstretched hand. The point is showing up, not because you were asked, but because you are here, and they are there, and the distance between you is something you can cross.

I think about my neighbor, the one I mentioned before, the young fellow with the earbuds and the hurried walk. When I started waving at him, he was not ready to receive anything from me. He was closed off, wrapped in his own world, convinced probably that an old man on a porch had nothing to offer him.

But I kept waving anyway. Not because I expected anything back. Not because I thought he would suddenly become my friend. But because the waving was not really about him. It was about me being the kind of person who waves. It was about me answering the question that his presence asked, which was simply, "Will you acknowledge that I exist?"

And eventually, something shifted. Not in me, in him. He became ready. Slowly, over weeks and months, the wall came down. The earbuds came out. The hello happened. And now we talk, not every day, but often enough that I know his dog's name, and he knows that my wife loves roses.

But here is what I want you to understand. If I had waited for him to be ready, if I had told myself, "I will reach out when he seems open to it," we would still be strangers. The connection that exists now would not exist. The small warmth that passes between us when we chat would be absent from both our lives.

That is how the world changes. Not through grand gestures to people who are already asking for help. But through small, persistent, sometimes seemingly pointless acts of reaching toward people who have no idea they need to be reached.

Think about your own life for a moment. Think about the people who made a difference to you. Not the ones you asked for help. The ones who just showed up.

The neighbor who brought over a casserole after your spouse died, even though you had not spoken in months.
The friend who called every day for two weeks after you lost your job, even though you kept sending them to voicemail.
The stranger who sat with you on a park bench and listened when you started crying for no reason you could explain.
The child who climbed into your lap and hugged you, not because you needed it, but because they did, and somehow that made everything better anyway.

Those people did not wait until you were ready. They reached. And their reaching, in some small way, is what made you ready. Is what made you believe that maybe, just maybe, you were worth reaching for.

That is what we are called to do now. Not to solve the big problems. Not to fix the broken systems. Not to argue with the people on television who make us so angry. But to reach, right away, to those nearest. To cross the small distances that are ours to cross.

Your neighbor who keeps to themselves, who never comes to the block party, who mows their lawn at odd hours to avoid running into anyone. Reach out. Not with an invitation to dinner, not with something that requires a yes. Just with a wave. Just with a nod. Just with the small acknowledgment that they exist, and you see them.

The young mother at the grocery store whose child is screaming and who looks like she might scream too. Reach out. Not with advice, not with judgment, just with a smile. Just with a quiet word. "You are doing fine. This stage passes. I remember."

The friend who stopped returning your calls three months ago. Reach out. Not to ask why, not to demand an explanation, just to say, "I am thinking of you. No need to respond. Just wanted you to know."

Even if they are not ready. Especially if they are not ready.

Because here is what I have learned about readiness. It is not a light switch that flips on by itself. It is a fire that needs kindling. And every small reaching, every outstretched hand, every wave from the porch, every call that goes to voicemail, every card that sits on the counter unopened, is a piece of kindling. It is fuel for the fire that might someday, eventually, catch.

And if it never catches? If they never become ready? If the neighbor moves away still wearing earbuds, if the daughter never calls back, if the friend stays silent until the end?

That is not on you. That was never on you.

The point is that we are here. We are alive. We have hands that can reach and voices that can speak and hearts that can still feel the pull toward another person. And every day, every single day, there are people within our reach who are not ready to be reached.

The lonely ones who have learned that reaching out leads to disappointment.
The grieving ones who cannot bear to see the pity in another person's eyes.
The angry ones who have built walls so high they forgot there was anything on the other side.
The tired ones who just cannot face one more conversation, one more question, one more demand on their depleted souls.

They are not ready. They may never be ready. But that does not change our calling.

We reach anyway. Not because we expect anything back. Not because we think we can fix them. Not because we are trying to be good or earn points or prove anything to anyone. We reach because reaching is what we do. Because living itself means nothing other than being questioned, and the question that comes to us through every person we encounter is the same one, asked a thousand different ways.

"Will you see me? Will you acknowledge that I exist? Will you cross the small distance between us, even if I cannot cross it myself?"

And the answer, the only answer that has ever mattered, is the hand extended. The wave from the porch. The call that goes to voicemail. The card sent anyway. The smile offered to the stranger. The presence offered to the one who cannot receive it.

That is how we make the biggest difference in the world. Not through grand gestures to the masses. Not through solving problems we cannot see. But through the small, persistent, daily act of reaching toward the people who are right there, right now, within arm's length.

Even if they are not ready.
Especially if they are not ready.

Because readiness is not a prerequisite for love. It never has been. Love reaches whether it is wanted or not. Love extends itself whether it is received or not. Love crosses the distance whether the other side is crossing toward it or walking away.

And we, at our age, with our years, with our wisdom, with our hard-won understanding of what matters and what does not, we are the ones who can do this. We are the ones who can show the world what it looks like to reach without expectation, to love without condition, to be responsible toward life in the smallest and largest way possible.

The hand extended. The wave from the porch. The call that goes to voicemail. The presence offered without demand.

This is our work now. This is our answer to the question. This is how we make the biggest difference in the world, starting right where we are, with the people nearest, even if they are not ready to receive us.

And if we do this, if we truly do this, something will shift. Not all at once. Not in ways we can measure. But in ways that matter. In ways that echo. In ways that might, someday, make someone else ready to reach toward someone else.

That is how the world changes. One hand. One wave. One call. One person not ready, and one person reaching anyway.

Let us be the ones who reach.