Do You Want to Connect with Your Teenage Grandkids?

My grandson has just turned 14 and is now a full-fledged teenager. Let’s be real, it's been so long since I was a teenager that I think teenagers are like a foreign species. One minute they’re ignoring you; the next, they’re asking deep questions about life (or if you have snacks). Being a grandparent is a joy, but it’s also a balancing act. We want to be respected, but sometimes our long-held habits can make us seem, well… less cool than we’d like.

I have over 40 years of experience working with teenagers in my previous life, however, it has been over 12 years since I have worked with them and times have changed. Here are some ideas to kick to the curb so you can stay on your grandkids' "cool list"—or at least avoid the dreaded eye roll.

1) Routine is important but try to be flexible.
I love my routines; I was asked the other day if I would rather go do something or stay at home and read a good book. I said I would love to stay home and read the book. Let’s face it, we all love our routines; clinging to the past makes us about as relatable as a rotary phone. Try embracing change. Say yes to a TikTok video (even if you have no clue what it is) or ask about those “memes” they’re always laughing at. Bonus: You get to confuse them with stories of dial-up internet and even better how you used  encyclopedias to get information which was only 10 years out of date.

2) Do not Zone Out
When your grandkid goes on about their favourite video game, your instinct might be to zone out or politely nod. Don’t! Lean in, ask questions, and act intrigued—even if you think Mario is still the only guy in the game world. Show them you care. You never know, you might pick up some gaming lingo to impress (or embarrass) them later.

3) Boundaries are meant to be just that, give them Space.
Remember, teens need their space—both physically and emotionally. Texting them three times a day might seem caring to you, but to them, it screams “grandparent paparazzi.” Respect their privacy and watch how your relationship flourishes. A good rule of thumb: ask yourself, “Would I have wanted this from my mother-in-law?”

4) Complaining about whatever and doing so excessively
A little constructive feedback is fine, but if you sound like a running commentary on what they should do, you might as well slap on a “Certified Critic” badge. Try this instead: “Wow, you’re really good at that!” (Even if “that” is just scrolling Instagram for hours.)

5) Be curious about their world
Their hobbies might feel bizarre to you—cosplay, anyone?—but showing genuine curiosity can work wonders. Dive in with questions, or better yet, join in. Imagine their delight (and mild horror) when you announce you’re ready to try Minecraft or learn the latest dance trend.

6) Lead by example don’t hold on to your grudges with them or your peers
Teens mess up. It’s their unofficial job. Whether they forgot your birthday or borrowed your garden tools without asking, let it go. Holding a grudge won’t help, and forgiveness gives you major “wise elder” points. Cue their amazement when you say, “Life’s too short to sweat the small stuff.”

7) Avoiding difficult conversations build bridges not walls.
Yes, they can be awkward, but avoiding them creates walls instead of bridges. Approach these moments like a good cup of tea—warm, calming, and always with a little sweetness. Trust me, they’ll appreciate your honesty and feel closer to you for it.

8) Leave the micro-managing to mom and dad
It’s tempting to bubble-wrap your grandkids, but stepping back lets them grow. Resist the urge to micromanage their every decision (even if it’s a questionable haircut). Let them fail, learn, and know you’re there with a hug and a story about your wild teenage days.

9) Lead by example, take care of yourself
Want to impress your grandkids? Show them you’re rocking your golden years. Join a yoga class, try a new hobby, or start that blog you’ve been mulling over. When they see you taking care of yourself, they’ll admire your independence and zest for life. Plus, it gives you cool stories to share that don’t involve the weather.

10) Show them your Unconditional Love
At the end of the day, what your grandkids need most is to know your love doesn’t come with strings attached. Be their safe haven—whether they aced the math test or dyed their hair neon green. Your unconditional love is the glue that holds your bond together.

Connection Is Key

Being a grandparent isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. Remember, teens may roll their eyes or groan, but deep down, they love you. And when you make the effort to connect, you’ll find that your relationship can be one of the greatest joys in your life.

So, ditch those habits, embrace a little change, and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself along the way. After all, staying young at heart isn’t about age, it’s about attitude.

Now, go text your grandkids. Just maybe not three times in a row.