Pun and Done and other one-liners for Feb

 Some fun for February one for each day of the month; enjoy

1.      She was only a moonshiner’s daughter, but I miss her still

2.      What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled

3.      Why is “dark” spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t “c” in the dark

4.      Just so everyone is clear, I’m going to put my glasses on

5.      How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer

6.      I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.”

7.      I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it

8.      I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

9.      Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm

10.   I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find

11.   1 lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene

12.   12 When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stair

13.   I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went… then it dawned on me.”

14.   Valentine’s Day is all about hearts… especially when you eat the chocolate ones first.”

15.   I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie; it was a rocky road

16.   Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars

17.   II stayed up all night wondering where the sun went… then it dawned on me

18.   Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell

19.   What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self

20.   My friends and I named our band ‘Duvet.’ It’s a cover band.”

21.   Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again”

22.   I went to the toy store and asked where the Schwarzenegger dolls are. “Aisle B, back

23.   Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence

24.   I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me

25.   Scientists studied the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering

26.   I told my suitcase there will be no vacation this year, now it’s dealing with emotional baggage

27.   My friends and I named our band ‘Duvet.’ It’s a cover band.”

28.   I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness

Please send me your best groaner