Earlier I had a discussion with a friend about helping out in times of crises. Many people don't know how to help or they help on their terms. We were talking about a time when my friend needed help and some people said I can help, what do you need....when told the response was....oh, I can't do that, what can I do....Oh, I cannot do that.....
My suggestion is if you have a friend in stress or crises, don't offer help and then put conditions on that help. When we are in crises and are just barely coping with whatever situation we find ourselves in, we need to have support. Many of us don't have family close by anymore that helped us and so we rely on friends, but friends mean well but sometimes don't know how to respond effectively. If we don't have friends then we have to rely on the institutions and social support networks that we have, as a society, put in place to help. These institutions provide some help but they operate on their schedule not ours.
When I was growing up in the East Kootneys, from what I read in my mothers diary, we as a family did not have very much and we had to rely on our extended family and family for support and help. And that help was given unconditionally. We move away from family or some people are single children and have no close family to help, so it is, in my mind to offer support when you see them in a crises situation. I know I try to do this and I think it is because my family received the support when we needed it. I urge you to do this as well.
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