Conclusion and Key Takeaways: Fitting In, Making Friends, and Finding Your Place

As I wrap up this series, let’s take a step back and reflect on what I hope you learned about fitting in, making new friends, and finding a place where you truly belong. For seniors, it’s never too late to forge meaningful relationships, expand your circle, and feel at home in a community.

Here are the key takeaways from the series:

1. You Are Enough as You Are

One of the most important lessons in building connections is remembering that you don’t need to change who you are to fit in. True belonging comes from being authentic and embracing your individuality. No matter your age or life stage, you have something valuable to offer, just as you are.

2. The Power of Listening and Presence

It’s not just about what you say, it’s about how you make others feel. Active listening and being present in the moment are powerful tools for making people feel valued. Small actions, like eye contact and giving someone your full attention, go a long way in building strong, lasting connections.

3. Say Yes to New Opportunities

As we age, it can be easy to fall into routine and comfort. But new friendships are often found outside of our comfort zones. Take the leap and say “yes” to activities and events, even if they’re a little out of your usual wheelhouse. The more you show up, the more you create opportunities to connect.

4. Embrace Vulnerability and Curiosity

Friendship isn’t about impressing others; it’s about forming meaningful bonds. Be curious, ask questions, and share small parts of your life. Vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s the foundation of trust and connection. Don’t be afraid to let people in.

5. Find Your People

Look for groups and activities that align with your interests, values, and passions. Whether it’s a book club, a volunteer organization, or a fitness class, being part of a group where you share common ground helps you find people who resonate with you on a deeper level.

6. Quality Over Quantity

In the pursuit of making friends, don’t get caught up in numbers. It’s the quality of relationships that matters most. Having a few close, meaningful connections is far more fulfilling than knowing everyone but feeling alone.

7. Don’t Let Rejection Stop You

Not every interaction will lead to a lifelong friendship, and that’s okay. If someone doesn’t click with you, don’t take it personally. Keep putting yourself out there. The right friendships will come when you least expect them.

Final Thought

As seniors, we are constantly evolving, and that includes our social lives. You have the power to shape your connections, build new friendships, and find your place within any community. Fitting in doesn’t mean changing who you are; it means finding the spaces where you can truly be yourself and where your presence is valued.

Take these lessons with you, and remember: It’s never too late to find your tribe.

Fitting In Without Losing Yourself: Finding Belonging as a Senior

The idea of “fitting in” can feel like a balancing act. On the one hand, we want to feel accepted, part of a group, and connected to others. On the other hand, we don’t want to lose our individuality or stop being true to ourselves.

As we navigate the social world in our senior years, it’s important to recognize that fitting in doesn’t mean changing who we are; it means finding environments where we can be ourselves and still connect with others.

Let’s talk about how to maintain your authenticity while building relationships that make you feel like you truly belong.

1. Know What Matters to You

Before you seek out new friendships, take a moment to reflect: What do you value in a friend?

• Is it someone who shares your love of history, books, or gardening?
• Do you prefer deep, meaningful conversations or casual, fun exchanges?
• Are you drawn to active, adventurous people, or do you prefer quieter, reflective company?

Knowing what you value helps you find people who share those values. And when you meet like-minded individuals, you’re more likely to feel accepted for who you are.

2. Embrace the “Different” in You

We all have quirks, preferences, and characteristics that set us apart. And guess what? That’s what makes us interesting!

Trying to be someone you’re not, just to fit in, can create frustration and confusion. Be open to those moments where your uniqueness shines through, and don’t feel pressured to conform.

If you love knitting while others are talking about sports, speak up! If you’re passionate about philosophy but others are more into current events, share your thoughts. It’s okay to be different. Your voice adds richness to any group.

3. Seek Out Groups That Align with Your Interests

One of the easiest ways to find belonging is to seek out environments that feel naturally aligned with your interests.

• Join a local writing group if you love expressing yourself through words.
• Volunteer at a local animal shelter if you’re a pet lover.
• Attend a regular meet-up at the community centre if you’re into card games, cooking, or fitness.

Being part of groups that align with your passions not only gives you common ground with others but it also makes you feel more at home.

4. Give, But Don’t Overextend

Being generous with your time, kindness, and energy is wonderful, but don’t burn yourself out trying to be everything to everyone. True belonging comes from mutual respect and shared effort.

If you find yourself constantly giving but not receiving, it’s time to reassess. Fitting in means finding spaces where your contributions are valued and where you, too, can receive support, care, and attention.

5. It’s About Quality, Not Quantity

Having a handful of deep, meaningful friendships is far more valuable than being part of every social group in town. It’s not about how many people you know; it’s about how well you connect with those who matter to you.

Focus on building relationships with those who bring joy, laughter, and authenticity into your life. Those are the friendships that will withstand the test of time.

Final Thought

Fitting in isn’t about being everything to everyone; it’s about finding your space, your people, and your rhythm. As you embrace who you are, you’ll naturally attract the friendships and connections that make you feel seen, heard, and truly accepted

 

Building Friendships as We Age – It’s Never Too Late to Start

There’s a common (and false) belief floating around that making friends gets harder as we get older.

Some of us even wear it like a badge: “At my age, people have their circles already. I don’t want to intrude.”

Nonsense.

Yes, life changes. Our routines shift, people move away or pass on, and we’re no longer bumping into new faces at school drop-offs or office coffee rooms.

But here’s the truth: Friendship isn’t a stage of life, it’s a way of living.

Let’s talk about how we, as seniors, can still build meaningful, enjoyable, and lasting friendships, whether we’re 65 or 95.

1. Start with a Smile and a Seat

Let’s begin with something simple: sit beside someone new and smile.

Whether you're at a seniors’ centre, a book club, a community event, or waiting for your tai chi class to start, your smile is a welcome mat. You don’t have to deliver a TED Talk. A “Hi, I’m new here. What brings you out today?” goes a long way.

People warm up faster than you think. Most are relieved someone else made the first move.

And if you’re not new? Be the one who invites someone else to sit. Friendships start in these small, generous moments.

2. Say “Yes” More Often

If your first instinct when someone invites you somewhere is, “Hmm… maybe next time,” stop and ask yourself why.

Of course, we all need rest days. But don’t let comfort zones shrink your social life.

Say “yes” to:

• That community potluck.
• That volunteer meeting.
• That weekly walk with the folks who meet at the library.

You don’t have to click with everyone, but the more you show up, the more familiar you become. Familiarity breeds comfort, and comfort leads to connection.

3. Share a Little (But Not Too Much Too Soon)

We all carry stories, and sometimes, we carry them alone for too long.

Sharing small parts of your life, your background, hobbies, favourite old music, and what makes you laugh opens doors. It gives others permission to do the same.

But be mindful not to overshare right away. Friendships are built like fires: they start with kindling, not full logs. Let things grow gradually.

4. Be Curious, Not Just Interesting

People love to talk about themselves, so let them.

Ask questions:

• “How did you get involved in this group?”
• “What keeps you busy these days?”
• “Ever tried something completely new lately?”

These questions don’t just fill time. They build bridges. And by showing genuine interest, you become someone people want to talk to again.

5. Don’t Let One Rejection Stop You

Not everyone you meet will become your new best friend.

Some people are reserved. Some are in their own bubbles. And yes, some are just a bit prickly.

Don’t take it personally. A lukewarm conversation doesn’t mean you’re unlikable, it just means the connection didn’t click that time.

Keep going. There are lots of wonderful, warm, witty people out there waiting to meet someone just like you.

6. Build Around Activities You Enjoy

You’re not just looking for friends, you’re looking for kindred spirits.

So, start with what you love:

• Join a choir if you sing.
• Attend gardening workshops if you love digging in the dirt.
• Volunteer for something meaningful.

When you bond over a shared interest, conversations flow more naturally. And regular activities give friendships a foundation to grow on.

7. Don’t Be Afraid to Follow Up

Had a nice chat with someone after a meeting or class?

Say, “I really enjoyed talking with you. Want to grab a coffee next time?”
Or: “You mentioned a book you liked, would you be up for trading reading recommendations?”

This isn’t being pushy, it’s being intentional. Many friendships never bloom because people wait for someone else to take the next step.

Be the one who follows up. It’s a kindness that often leads to connection.

Final Thought

Making new friends doesn’t stop when school ends or when we retire. It’s an ongoing opportunity, one that asks us to be open, kind, and just a little bit brave.

So go ahead. Take the first step. The next great friend you make might be sitting right next to you, wondering if you want to be friends, too.

The Secret to Being Liked Isn’t What You Think

Let’s get something out of the way right now:

Being liked isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room, having the most stories, or showing off the longest list of accomplishments.

It’s about how you make other people feel when they’re around you.

And here’s the secret: People are drawn to people who make them feel seen, heard, and respected.

This may seem like common sense, but even among seniors with decades of life behind them, this truth often gets lost, especially in new social situations where nerves, ego, or habit can take over.

Let’s dig into how we can flip the script, from trying to impress people to actually connecting with them.

1. Drop the Resume

Yes, you’ve had a fascinating life. Yes, you’ve been successful. Yes, your grandkids are amazing, and your garden is the envy of the neighborhood.

But if every conversation circles back to your own victories, you might be coming across more as a walking résumé than a potential friend.

Instead of impressing people, try expressing interest in them.

• Ask follow-up questions.
• Be curious about their opinions.
• Remember what they say and bring it up later.

Trust me: people will think you’re charming, wise, and delightful… not because you told them, but because you listened to them.

2. Be a Mirror, Not a Megaphone

Want to be liked instantly? Reflect people’s best selves back to them.

That doesn’t mean flattery. It means picking up on people’s values, stories, and strengths, and responding with:

• “That’s a great point.”
• “I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thanks for sharing.”
• “Sounds like you really care about this.”

It’s human nature, we like people who like us. And we’re drawn to people who seem genuinely interested in what we say, not just waiting for their turn to talk.

3. Give the Gift of Presence

Put away the phone. Make eye contact. Nod. Smile. Use people’s names.

These tiny actions are the building blocks of genuine rapport.

In board meetings, social clubs, or even casual get-togethers, people remember how you made them feel. Were you present and warm, or distracted and half-interested? Did you make space for them, or compete for attention?

Being present doesn’t require great eloquence. It just means being there, fully, with your focus on the person in front of you.

4. Stay Humble, and Human

Here’s a little truth that may sting:
If people feel that you're always “the expert,” they’ll stop opening up.

Vulnerability builds connection.
It’s okay to say:

• “I’m still figuring this out.”
• “That didn’t go how I expected.”
• “What would you do in this situation?”

When you let others know that you don’t have all the answers and that you value their insights, you invite trust. And trust is the root of any good friendship.

5. The Likeability Litmus Test

Not sure how you’re coming across? Watch what happens after you speak.

Do people build on your point, or change the subject?
Do they include you in side conversations, or move on without you?
Do they seek you out for input, or avoid eye contact when you raise your hand?

Sometimes, what we think is strong communication is actually off-putting. But don’t despair, adjustments can be made.

Ask a trusted friend (gently) how you’re doing. “Do I come across as open, or a bit much?” “Do I dominate without realizing?” You might be surprised by how helpful their observations can be.

Final Thought

The real secret to being liked?
Make people feel that they matter.

Not in a manipulative way. Not to win points. But because they do matter.
Every person in your circle, your committee, or your community wants the same thing you do: connection, respect, and a sense of belonging.

When you give that freely, it almost always comes back around.

Finding Your Place, Without Taking Over the Room

It’s a tricky dance, isn’t it?

You want to belong. You want to be seen. You want people to know you’re capable, friendly, and have a lifetime of wisdom to share. But sometimes, in the effort to prove all that… we step on toes.

For many of us in our senior years, the line between being “engaged” and being “overbearing” can get blurry. Especially when we come into a new group, like a board, a club, or a volunteer team, and we’re eager to show that we have something to offer.

So, how do we find our place in a group without taking over the room? How do we connect and contribute, without coming across as someone who always needs to be in charge?

Let’s break it down.

1. Read the Room, Literally

Every group has its own vibe. Some are chatty and informal. Others follow strict agendas. Some enjoy tossing around ideas in a lively debate. Others prefer calm, step-by-step discussions.

Before jumping in full force, spend a little time observing:

• Who tends to speak up?
• How do people respond when someone disagrees?
• Are decisions made by consensus or by majority?
• Is humour welcome, or does it fall flat?

This isn’t about conforming. It’s about understanding the culture before trying to shift it. Once you know the rhythm, it’s easier to step in without stepping on.

2. Add Without Overloading

When we share our thoughts, it’s tempting to give the whole backstory:
“Well, when I chaired the seniors’ council back in ’96, we faced something similar, except it also involved a parade, a budget crisis, and a runaway goat…”

Save the greatest hits for coffee hour.

In a group setting, brief and relevant comments make the biggest impact. Try this:

• Stick to one point at a time.
• Tie it directly to the current topic.
• Offer it as a suggestion, not a directive.

People appreciate when you contribute, especially if it helps move things forward. But if every comment starts sounding like a lecture or a “back in my day” monologue, folks start to tune out.

3. Share the Spotlight

We all know someone who dominates the conversation so much, others stop trying to speak. (And if you’re not sure who that is in your group… it might be you.)

Try these simple ways to open the circle:

• After you speak, say: “But I’d love to hear what others think.”
• If someone else is quiet, ask: “What’s your take on this, Pat?”
• If you’re getting long-winded, simply say: “Sorry, I’ve said enough. Someone else jump in!”

That kind of humility goes a long way, especially in groups where people are craving space to be heard.

4. Know When to Lead, and When to Support

It’s tempting to take charge, especially if you’ve spent years in leadership roles. But being part of a group isn’t always about leading; it’s often about serving the group’s shared purpose.

Sometimes that means:

• Volunteering to do a task no one wants.
• Backing someone else’s idea instead of pushing your own.
• Letting others get the credit.

Ironically, people are more likely to respect and include you when they see you’re not just there to run the show, but to help it succeed.

5. Be Yourself, The Best Version

Fitting in doesn’t mean shrinking who you are. It just means refining how you show up.

You can still be funny, passionate, opinionated, and accomplished. Just add a little polish:

• Listen more than you speak.
• Let others shine.
• Keep your stories short and sweet.

You’ve got a lot to offer, but sometimes, offering it in small, thoughtful ways makes a bigger impact than trying to do it all at once.

Final Thought

Finding your place in a group is a bit like gardening. It takes time, observation, and care. Push too hard and you uproot others. Stay too far back, and your own roots don’t take hold. But get the balance right, and you blossom, while helping the whole group grow stronger too.

Are You Really Listening? Or Just Waiting to Talk?

Let’s be honest: most of us think we’re good listeners. We nod politely, maintain eye contact, and maybe even throw in a “Mmm-hmm” or a “That’s interesting.” But here’s a question worth asking:

Are you really listening, or are you just waiting for your turn to talk?

It’s a tough question, especially for those of us who’ve spent a lifetime collecting stories, skills, and strong opinions. After all, what’s the point of experience if you can’t share it?

The problem isn’t that we want to talk. It’s that sometimes we forget to listen, and that’s when friendships get stuck, communication falters, and people quietly start to back away.

Let’s unpack what it really means to be a good listener and how it can help you grow your social circle and become someone others want to talk to.

What Listening Isn’t

First, here’s what listening is not:

• Waiting silently while someone else speaks so you can launch into your own story.
• Pretending to be interested while thinking about what you’re going to say next.
• Interrupting with, “That reminds me of the time I…”

Sound familiar? Most of us have done this, and probably more than once. But if it becomes a habit, others start to feel unheard, dismissed, or even invisible.

And when people don’t feel seen or heard, they don’t open up. That’s the fast track to being left out of conversations and social circles.

Listening Is an Act of Respect

True listening is one of the most generous things you can do for another person. It tells them:

• “I care what you think.”
• “You matter.”
• “You don’t need to compete for attention.”

Especially as seniors, when we’re trying to stay connected and build new friendships, listening becomes a superpower. It makes people feel safe and appreciated. It helps us build trust. And it opens doors to deeper, more meaningful relationships.

How to Practice Real Listening

It’s never too late to become a better listener. Here are a few things you can try starting today:

1. Let People Finish Their Thoughts

Don’t interrupt or finish their sentences. Give people the space to express themselves completely, even if you think you already know what they’re going to say.

2. Ask Follow-Up Questions

Instead of jumping in with your story, try asking them more about theirs:

• “What happened next?”
• “How did that make you feel?”
• “What did you decide to do?”

Follow-up questions show you’re engaged, and they give the other person a chance to go deeper.

3. Pause Before Responding

A two-second pause might feel awkward at first, but it can make a world of difference. It gives you time to absorb what they said and keeps you from steamrolling the conversation.

4. Resist the Urge to ‘One-Up’

If someone says they planted tomatoes, resist saying, “Oh, I once grew 50 pounds of heirloom Roma tomatoes in my condo balcony with only a turkey baster and prayer.” Try, “That’s great, how did they turn out?” instead.

Being supportive instead of competitive helps conversations feel mutual rather than performative.

A Quick Self-Test

Next time you’re in a conversation, try this:

• Did the other person do most of the talking?
• Did you ask questions about what they said?
• Did they seem more relaxed by the end of the chat?

If yes, you’re doing great. If not, that’s okay; awareness is the first step to improvement.

Why This Matters

If your goal is to make new friends, fit in with a group, or be better accepted socially, you need to offer what people are truly looking for: someone who makes them feel heard, valued, and interesting.

And here’s the surprising part: when you become a great listener, people will start to see you as more interesting, too. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Final Thought

Being a good listener doesn’t mean giving up your stories, opinions, or passions. It means giving them a little breathing room, so others have space to bring theirs to the table too.

And when you do that, you won’t have to work so hard to “fit in.” People will want to pull up a chair beside you.

What Is Good Communication, Anyway?

Let’s clear something up: talking isn’t the same as communicating. If it were, a lot more people would feel heard, understood, and appreciated. But as many of us have discovered the hard way, communication is a two-part dance, and some of us have been stepping on toes without even knowing it.

So, what does good communication look like, especially in your 60s, 70s, and beyond? And how can we improve our skills without losing our personality or sense of self?

Let’s talk about that. (And yes, this time, we’re listening too.)

Talking at People vs. Talking with People

Most of us have met someone who only seems to pause in a conversation so they can breathe or reload. They’re not really listening; they’re performing. You’ll say something simple like, “I love gardening,” and suddenly you’re treated to a ten-minute speech about their award-winning tomatoes from 1983.

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling like a prop in someone else’s story, you’ve felt the sting of one-sided communication.

The truth is, many seniors fall into this trap unintentionally. After all, we have decades of experience, stories, and wisdom to share. But when we forget to leave space for others to join in, we turn a conversation into a monologue, and people start tuning out.

Good communication is a conversation, not a contest. It’s not about who’s had the most exciting life or the longest resume. It’s about connection.

The Building Blocks of Clear, Friendly Communication

Let’s break it down:

1. Clarity

Say what you mean. If you’re asking for help, ask clearly. Don’t hint or beat around the bush. For example:

• Not clear: “Someone should really look into this.”
• Clear: “I think we need someone to call the venue today, can you do that?”

People aren’t mind readers, and unclear communication often leads to frustration or misunderstandings.

2. Tone

You might have the right message, but the wrong delivery. If you sound annoyed, critical, or dismissive (even if you don’t mean to), people might back away. A friendly tone goes a long way. Smile. Use people’s names. Say thank you.

Think of tone as the seasoning on a dish. Even the best ingredients can taste off if you throw in too much salt.

3. Active Listening

This is the real secret sauce. Listening isn’t waiting for your turn to speak, it’s tuning in, fully and intentionally. Try this:

• Make eye contact.
• Nod or give small verbal cues like “I see” or “Interesting.”
• Don’t interrupt. (Tough one, we know!)
• After someone speaks, reflect back a summary. “So, what you’re saying is…” shows you’ve heard them.

It sounds simple, but it takes practice. And humility.

A Word About Group Settings

In group conversations, especially on boards or committees, the way you communicate becomes even more important. Rambling, repeating yourself, or straying off topic can unintentionally frustrate others. If this happens often, people may begin to dismiss your contributions, even when you have something valuable to say.

A good rule of thumb? Speak with purpose. Ask yourself:

• Is what I’m about to say helpful to the discussion?
• Have others had a chance to speak?
• Am I adding something new, or just repeating?

It’s not about silence, it’s about timing.

Practice Makes Polite

You might be thinking, “At my age, I shouldn’t have to change how I communicate!” But here’s the thing: we’re not changing who you are, we’re updating the operating system so it works better in today’s social environment.

We all want to be heard, understood, and accepted. And it starts with showing others the same courtesy.

Final Thought

Good communication is more than a skill; it’s a gift. One, you offer to others every time you slow down, listen up, and speak with intention. When you do, you’ll find more people willing to walk alongside you, not just out of respect, but out of genuine connection

Practical Ways for Seniors to Make and Keep Friends 2

Now that you understand why forming friendships in retirement can feel challenging, let’s explore ways to overcome those barriers and build meaningful connections. Friendship in later years is not only possible but also incredibly rewarding.

Rekindle the Three Pillars of Friendship

To rebuild proximity, start by getting involved locally. Whether it’s through a neighbourhood group, a local seniors' center, or a faith community, proximity happens naturally when you see people regularly. For example, places like the Wilson Seniors Advisory Association in Port Coquitlam often host events, activities, and clubs designed for older adults.

Shared life experiences can be cultivated by participating in group activities. Take a class at your local community center or explore organizations like CARP (Canadian Association of Retired Persons). Many centers in Vancouver and surrounding areas offer programs tailored to seniors, from painting to computer skills.

Restoring energy doesn’t mean pushing beyond your limits—it’s about finding activities you enjoy and doing them with others. Whether it’s yoga, a walking group, or even joining a book club, shared enthusiasm fosters connection.

Practical Friendship-Building Ideas

• Explore lifelong learning: Universities like UBC and SFU offer continuing education courses for older adults. These classes can sharpen your mind and introduce you to like-minded people.
• Join interest groups: Whether it’s knitting, gardening, or hiking, Meetup.com and local Facebook groups can connect you to hobby enthusiasts in your area.
• Say yes to invitations: Accepting and extending invitations for coffee or lunch can create a rhythm of regular interactions, leading to deeper bonds.

Online Friendships and Support

Today’s technology has made connecting easier than ever. Platforms like Zoom or apps like Nextdoor can help you meet people virtually before taking the next step of meeting in person. For dating or companionship, try websites like SilverSingles or OurTime, which cater to those over 50.

The Importance of Volunteering

Volunteering is another fantastic way to meet people. Whether it’s mentoring a younger generation, helping at food banks, or volunteering at local hospitals, these activities create shared purpose and connection. In British Columbia, organizations like Volunteer BC or local community centers always welcome seniors who want to give back.

Build Connections While Staying Active

Fitness classes are a fun, low-pressure way to meet others. Many senior centers offer low-impact activities like water aerobics, tai chi, and walking clubs. For something adventurous, consider joining groups like the Vancouver Outdoor Club for Women.

Travel and Exploration

If you have the means, travel can open doors to friendships. Group tours specifically for seniors often create bonds over shared experiences. Companies like ElderTreks or local travel groups can help you connect with fellow adventurers.

A Final Thought

Loneliness doesn’t have to define your retirement years. By taking small steps to rebuild the three pillars of friendship—proximity, shared life experiences, and energy—you can create meaningful, lasting connections. Along the way, you’ll find not only new friends but also a renewed sense of purpose and joy.

For additional support and resources, check out these Canadian organizations:

• Better at Home (www.betterathome.ca): Provides support for seniors looking to connect and live independently.
• The Seniors Services Society of BC (www.seniorsservicessociety.ca): Offers programs and housing support for older adults.
• CARP (www.carp.ca): Advocacy and community-building for Canadians 50+.

Building friendships as a senior takes effort, but it’s worth it. With an open heart and a willingness to engage, you’ll discover the joy of connection that enriches every aspect of life.

 

Building Friendships in Retirement—Understanding the Foundations 1

I live on the outskirts of Vancouver and might know the city's reputation for being friendly but reserved. Many newcomers describe it as a place where forming deeper connections can be challenging. It’s a sentiment that resonates across Canada, especially as adults and seniors find themselves in new life stages where making friends doesn’t come as easily as it did in school days.

But why is it harder to make friends as we age? One explanation is the three key pillars of friendship: proximity, shared life experiences, and energy.

The Three Pillars of Friendship

Proximity refers to how physically close you are to others. When you live near someone or see them regularly, such as a neighbour, you're more likely to develop a friendship. For example, college dorm studies show students living across the hall have a 90% chance of becoming friends, while those at opposite ends of the dorm have only a 10% chance.

Shared life experiences, or "life cycle timing," is another essential pillar. Think back to your school years—you and your peers moved through life together. From classrooms to shared milestones like exams, sports, and parties, you were aligned in your life journey.

Finally, energy is the glue that binds these pillars together. It reflects shared enthusiasm for activities or interests, whether it's cheering for a sports team, dancing, or simply enjoying a regular coffee outing.

As young adults, these pillars align naturally. But in our late 20s and beyond, life begins to scatter us. Careers, marriages, children, and moves all challenge the stability of these connections. By retirement, the situation can feel even more fragmented.

Why Seniors Struggle to Form Friendships

For seniors, the barriers to making friends can feel even higher. Proximity might shrink as we become less mobile or live alone. Energy for activities may diminish due to health concerns. Shared life experiences can also feel out of sync—perhaps one senior is managing a chronic illness or caring for a spouse, while another is focused on leisure activities or grandchildren.

This loss of connection isn’t just emotional; it can affect your health, too. Studies have shown that loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of conditions like heart disease, stroke, and even dementia. Seniors with strong social ties, however, often enjoy better physical and mental health, longer lives, and more positive outlooks.

Understanding these pillars and their challenges is the first step toward fostering new friendships in retirement. The good news is that there are many ways to rebuild these connections, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Making time to find connections

Making time to connect with friends and family, or joining community groups is vital for maintaining mental and emotional well-being, especially as we age. Social interaction helps reduce feelings of loneliness, provides a sense of belonging, and can even improve physical health by reducing stress and boosting the immune system. However, for those of us who may have lost connections over time, whether due to retirement, moving, or the loss of loved ones, building new friendships is challenging. The good news is that it’s never too late to build new social ties. Let's see how we can connect with new friends. 

Making new friends can take time, but staying positive and open to new experiences is key. Be proactive in attending events and reaching out to others, even if it feels a bit outside your comfort zone at first. Small gestures, like offering a friendly smile or starting a conversation, can go a long way toward building new friendships.

One of the best ways to meet new people is by joining groups based on shared interests. Many community centers, libraries, and senior organizations offer activities such as book clubs, walking groups, gardening clubs, or crafting circles. Engaging in activities that you enjoy is a great way to meet like-minded people and build natural connections.

Volunteering not only gives back to the community but also opens up the door to meeting new people. Whether it’s at a local charity, hospital, or school, volunteering often connects you with people who share your values and passions. Plus, working together toward a common goal helps create lasting bonds.

Lifelong learning is not only great for keeping your mind active but also for meeting new people. Many community centers, colleges, or senior organizations offer classes in art, cooking, technology, or fitness, where you can meet others who are also eager to learn something new. These environments naturally foster conversation and camaraderie.

If getting out and about isn’t always possible, you can still meet new people through technology. There are many online communities designed for seniors to connect with others based on shared interests or hobbies. Websites like Meetup.com offer virtual meetups for various activities, while other platforms like Stitch.net are specifically designed for older adults looking to make friends or engage in social activities.

 Many senior centers, churches, and recreational facilities host regular events like game nights, potlucks, or dances. These social gatherings are ideal opportunities to meet new friends in a relaxed, welcoming environment. Attending these events regularly helps build familiarity and makes it easier to form deeper connections over time.

If technology feels intimidating, consider learning more about social media, video calls, or messaging apps. Many seniors find that these tools can help them stay connected with distant family members and friends, making it easier to nurture relationships even when you can’t meet in person.

By taking small, manageable steps to connect or build new ones, you can greatly enhance your social life and sense of belonging. Social connections are a crucial part of staying healthy, happy, and engaged as we age.

Friendship

 How many friends does the average person in Canada and the United States have, was the question posed. The answer appears to be five or more close friends.  I thought about my own situation and realized that I had three close friends, and about four or five friends who were not as close, but I still called them friends and not acquaintances.

Friendship is complicated, Relationships and friendships hold significant meaning to us. Friendship means more than having a companion, friendship can involve a deep emotional connection built on trust, respect, and affection. I read somewhere that each of us has a circle of influence that changes as we move through the stages of our lives. When we are young our circle is our family, our friends, our classmates, and others we interact with over the year. The estimate of this circle is about 50 to 100 people. When we marry, each partner invites as many members of their circle as they can, and I believe the average attendance at a wedding range between 100 and 150 people.

When we are older our circle of influence reduces and instead of between 50 and 100, we have a circle of influence of between 40 and 75. Our circle of close friends also grows smaller. When we were young, we equated our popularity with the number of friends we had. As we grew and matured, we recognized what true friendship meant and our circle of close friends reduced to around 5.

I believe that one of the prime functions of friendship is emotional support. Friends celebrate your successes, console you in times of sadness, listen when you need to talk, without judgment.

Friends keep their promises, your confidences, and your secrets. This allows friends to be vulnerable and open with one another, knowing that their feelings and personal information will be treated with care and respect. Trust is the cornerstone of any strong friendship.

In a true friendship, we accept one another for we are, even if we have different opinions, beliefs, and lifestyles.

Many friendships start because we share interests and activities. It could be a hobby, a love for a particular sport, or a mutual passion for art. As we share these activities our friendship grows.

Friends stand by each other in both good times and bad. They show unwavering support and commitment to the relationship, even when faced with challenges or conflicts. Loyalty is an important component of friendship.

Friendships are often built on a sense of reciprocity. Both parties contribute to each other’s personal growth and development. They provide constructive feedback, encouragement, and motivation to help each other achieve their goals.

Friendships that are lifelong adapt to changes as friends continue to support one another as they grow and face new challenges. Friendships also bring joy and fun into our lives. Spending time with friends can lead to laughter, memorable experiences, and a sense of belonging.

No one is perfect, and friends may make mistakes or have disagreements. However, true friends are willing to work through conflicts, understanding that the bond they share is significant. Friendship is dynamic and evolving. Friends enrich our lives by creating a sense of connection, belonging, and fulfillment that enhances our well-being and supports us through the various challenges and joys of life. Tomorrow I will discuss some tips on making new friends.

Dating for seniors

Dating as a senior can be just as exciting and fulfilling as it is at any other age. However, there are some unique challenges and considerations that come with dating later in life.

One common concern among seniors is the fear of being too old to date again. It’s important to remember that age is just a number, and that love knows no bounds. It’s never too late to find someone special and start a new chapter in your life.

Here are a few tips for dating as a senior

Take your time. Don’t feel you need to rush into a relationship. It’s important to take the time to get to know someone and make sure you are compatible before committing to a relationship.

Be open to new experiences. As you get older, it’s easy to get set in your ways. However, it’s important to stay open to new experiences and be willing to try new things.

Communicate openly and honestly. Communication is key in any relationship. Be open and honest about your expectations and desires in a relationship.

Stay active. It’s important to stay active and healthy, both physically and mentally. Staying active can help you feel your best and make it easier to meet new people.

Seek like-minded individuals. There are many organizations and groups specifically designed for seniors, such as meetup groups or senior centers. These can be great places to meet new people and find potential partners who share similar interests.

Remember, dating as a senior can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience. Don’t be afraid to take the plunge and put yourself out there.

Keeping friends as we age

It's challenging to maintain friendships as we age, especially if we move away from the people we’ve known for a long time. Our lifestyles and interests change. However, there are some things you can do to help keep your friendships strong.

Attempt to stay in touch. It’s important to stay connected with your friends. This can be as simple as sending a quick text or email to say hello, or setting aside time to have a phone or video call.

Be flexible. As we get older, we may have different schedules and responsibilities that make it harder to see each other as frequently as we’d like. Try to be understanding and flexible with scheduling get-togethers. Be open to trying new things or doing things differently.

Show appreciation. Let your friends know how much you value their friendship and how much they mean to you. Take the time to do things for them or show your appreciation in small ways.

Communicate openly. If you’re feeling distant from a friend or if there’s something on your mind, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly. Sharing your thoughts and feelings can help strengthen your bond and keep your friendship strong.

Make time for friendship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, family, and other responsibilities. It is also important to make time for your friends. Set aside regular time for socializing, whether it’s a weekly phone call or a monthly get-together.

Remember, friendships take effort to maintain, but they are worth it. Investing in your friendships can bring joy and fulfillment to your life.

Making new friends as we age

 Making friends as you get older can be a challenge, but it is definitely possible. Here are a few tips that may help:

Seek opportunities to meet new people: This could be through joining clubs or organizations that align with your interests, taking classes or workshops, or volunteering for a cause you care about.

Be open and approachable: If you want to make new friends, it’s important to be open and approachable. Smile, make eye contact, and be willing to engage in conversation with people you meet.

Show an interest in others: Asking questions and showing an interest in others is a great way to build connections and friendships.

Take the initiative: If you meet someone you’d like to get to know better, don’t be afraid to take the initiative and ask if they’d like to hang out again or exchange contact information.

Be patient: Making new friends takes time and effort, so be patient and don’t get discouraged if you don’t meet someone right away. Keep putting yourself out there and eventually, you will find people with whom you connect.

Drifting to the right

 Have you noticed that as some people; get older they become more conservative both fiscally and socially? I had not noticed that trend among my friends until recently. We had lunch with a friend who is about 8 years older than my group. He was always right of center in some of his views, but I respected him and his work, and when we were younger, we had some spirited discussions; we listened to each other and agreed to disagree if we could not see common ground.

As I listened to our current discussions about crime, the police, drug use, minorities, homelessness and other social issues, I realized that he and my friends and I were not on the same page on some issues and not even in the same book on others. On some issues, we saw the same problems and the same solutions. It surprised me they had such different opinions. They had continued their move to the right, and I was always on the left and I think that I still stay to the left on some issues. But maybe I have moved slightly to the right so I am closer to the center on some issues we talked about.

My friend talked about a man he had known for 53 years who was an NRA member. When my friend who is, like many of us, in favour of gun licencing and registration, started a conversation, his friend of 53 years said to him in an email. “I see that you and I cannot agree on the ownership of guns and gun regulations. Do not contact me again. You are no longer my friend.”

I may disagree with the positions my friends take, but I still listen to their positions as they listen to mine. We may not always agree, but that makes life interesting.

With a little help from your friends

We all have friends but as we age, we may lose some of them, so perhaps it is time to think about how you can learn from your friends, while you still have them.

Have you noticed that you can often learn surprising things from just watching your friends? Because chances are extreme that some of what they chose this in this life for facing certain fears, mastering certain challenges, and raising certain bars you chose for yourself as well, which was part of the attraction that brought you together and made you friends.

Golf Adventures

 I just returned from our annual golf trip. It was fun but very tiring, 20 years ago we would golf 5 days in a row; stay up late, talking and drinking; get up early in the morning and hit the links by about 8:00. Those days have passed. This year we golfed for four days out of five using Wednesday as a day to explore the community. Every year we pick a different part of our area to visit, but we never seemed to get the time to explore the area.

This year we took the time to explore and I found the change of pace restful, which allowed me the energy to finish the week on a higher note. We still stayed up late, going to sleep between 2 and 4 for the first two nights and getting up by 7:30 to get ready for golf. On the third day, we needed the time off, not from the golfing but from the talking till the wee hours of the morning. The last two days we were asleep by one.

Most of our late-night early-morning discussions were spent talking about earlier trips and antics at high school and university. I graduated from a very large high school in the mid-sixties, and my friends graduated from very small schools. So much of the time was spent talking about the different experiences. Bruce Springsteen was not far off when he wrote the song "Glory Days".

The trip this year was just as much fun as it has been for the last 22 years, and I hope to continue being part of the tour for a long time to come. Next year I will have to return as I won the trophy. My friends said I had won because I was the most improved and showed the most consistent improvement over the five days. I appreciate the reasoning and I know my score was after applying the handicap by the end of the week was 78 and I do know that the others were lower than mine, but they said, that I had started a lot higher.

 

Social Skills for Shy Seniors

I have some friends who are shy, they find it difficult to meet new people and to take part in social activities, outside of their small group of friends. As children and young adults, we learned how to make friends. As we age, death and disabilities take away many of these friends. We often need to relearn some social skills and that can be very challenging for shy people. If we do not expand our circle, we may end up isolated and alone. The following was put together by talking to seniors who are not shy.

10 Simple Steps are for those who would like more friends in their lives and are not quite sure how to find them.

Remember, you don’t have to do all these steps at once. Start with the easiest. Be gentle with yourself and be proud of the fact that you are trying!

1.               Look in the mirror. Are you clean, tidy and looking happy? Remember to smile.

2.               Make eye contact when you greet people. They will know that you feel they are important and worth your time.

3.               Listen more than you talk. If you are nervous, you might tend to run on in your conversation. If people start to look bored, it’s time to be quiet and give someone else a turn. Remember, a conversation is not a monologue.

4.               Ask questions: “What do you think?” “How did you get involved?” “Where are you from?”

5.               Enroll in a class. Learning something new will keep your brain young and make you a more interesting person to be with.

6.               Volunteer for something somewhere… neighbourhood, residence, church, etc.

7.               Be considerate, respectful and sincere to everyone.

8.               Join a club. You will find people with similar interests.

9.               Watch for others who might be feeling just as you are. Smile and say hello.

10.         Attend discussion groups. Even if you don’t say a word, people will come to recognize you and be more likely to talk to you.

Snow Days

It snowed in my area overnight Friday and brought about 25 cm of snow to our cul de sac. I live in a community, Port Coquitlam, where the roads are ploughed when it snows. I know I am leaving Poco when the side roads become snowbound and it is hard to drive.

As I was out this morning shovelling the driveway, all of my neighbours were doing the same. Some of them had started early than I had and they were just finishing as I was about halfway through. My next door neighbour to my right went down the street and started helping another neighbour and they finished up that driveway very quickly. When they were finished they came over to my driveway and started working on mine.  The first thing that was said to me was "Merry Christmas". Very quickly I had three young men helping me finish my driveway. When my driveway was finished they moved on to another driveway and I went with them and one more person joined us so the five of us finished two more driveways within about 30 minutes. It was a fun morning, and a pleasant surprise to get see how the how the group came together to help each other. There are only 12 houses on our cul de sac, and there were six of us out helping each other. I did notice when I came out that four of the houses had their driveways completed before I had even started mine. So by 10:00 every house on the cul de sac had their driveway cleared. 

Serendipity happenings in life are or can be a pleasant reminder that we all are in this together and if we help each other unpleasant work can be made a lot easier. Thank you to my neighbours who worked together this morning. The Christmas spirit is still with us.

Moving after retirement

When I was in my forties I read a study that claimed most people lived within 100 miles of where they were born or went to school. I started thinking about that and realised that it appears to be true for many of my circle.  I live, as the crow flies, within a hundred miles of where I went to school, not where I was born. Many of my friends still live within a 25-mile radius of where they were born and went to school. 

Many people move away from their roots when they start to work; work takes precedent and we need to move to where the job takes us. However, when we retire we are no longer restricted to one location. So wanderlust may overtake us. We fondly recall our youth and may decide to move back home. We move after we retire is to be close to our children, or siblings or other family members. Or we may move because we are tired of living in a "big city" or a "small town" and we want a change.  

Is it a good idea to move when you retire? I am one who believes this is not as great idea as it may seem at first. This is because I have friends who have done this and it has been a mistake from which it took them years to recover. Moving means starting new, finding new friends, new support groups, new activities. For many, these tasks are not easy. We have become locked in routine, with a support group and we know our neighbourhoods and we feel safe.

For some, this sense of security and belonging is very important and to move challenges us to a point where we will resist as hard as we can, for others this sense of security and belonging is a stifling and we will do whatever we can to lift the veil and move towards uncertainty with the knowledge it will be better than what we have now.

My daughter asked me if I would move to Australia to be with her and her family. I said no because my support group and friends are here. However, someday that may change and if it does I will look forward to that adventure with enthusiasm.