Friendship

 How many friends does the average person in Canada and the United States have, was the question posed. The answer appears to be five or more close friends.  I thought about my own situation and realized that I had three close friends, and about four or five friends who were not as close, but I still called them friends and not acquaintances.

Friendship is complicated, Relationships and friendships hold significant meaning to us. Friendship means more than having a companion, friendship can involve a deep emotional connection built on trust, respect, and affection. I read somewhere that each of us has a circle of influence that changes as we move through the stages of our lives. When we are young our circle is our family, our friends, our classmates, and others we interact with over the year. The estimate of this circle is about 50 to 100 people. When we marry, each partner invites as many members of their circle as they can, and I believe the average attendance at a wedding range between 100 and 150 people.

When we are older our circle of influence reduces and instead of between 50 and 100, we have a circle of influence of between 40 and 75. Our circle of close friends also grows smaller. When we were young, we equated our popularity with the number of friends we had. As we grew and matured, we recognized what true friendship meant and our circle of close friends reduced to around 5.

I believe that one of the prime functions of friendship is emotional support. Friends celebrate your successes, console you in times of sadness, listen when you need to talk, without judgment.

Friends keep their promises, your confidences, and your secrets. This allows friends to be vulnerable and open with one another, knowing that their feelings and personal information will be treated with care and respect. Trust is the cornerstone of any strong friendship.

In a true friendship, we accept one another for we are, even if we have different opinions, beliefs, and lifestyles.

Many friendships start because we share interests and activities. It could be a hobby, a love for a particular sport, or a mutual passion for art. As we share these activities our friendship grows.

Friends stand by each other in both good times and bad. They show unwavering support and commitment to the relationship, even when faced with challenges or conflicts. Loyalty is an important component of friendship.

Friendships are often built on a sense of reciprocity. Both parties contribute to each other’s personal growth and development. They provide constructive feedback, encouragement, and motivation to help each other achieve their goals.

Friendships that are lifelong adapt to changes as friends continue to support one another as they grow and face new challenges. Friendships also bring joy and fun into our lives. Spending time with friends can lead to laughter, memorable experiences, and a sense of belonging.

No one is perfect, and friends may make mistakes or have disagreements. However, true friends are willing to work through conflicts, understanding that the bond they share is significant. Friendship is dynamic and evolving. Friends enrich our lives by creating a sense of connection, belonging, and fulfillment that enhances our well-being and supports us through the various challenges and joys of life. Tomorrow I will discuss some tips on making new friends.

Dating for seniors

Dating as a senior can be just as exciting and fulfilling as it is at any other age. However, there are some unique challenges and considerations that come with dating later in life.

One common concern among seniors is the fear of being too old to date again. It’s important to remember that age is just a number, and that love knows no bounds. It’s never too late to find someone special and start a new chapter in your life.

Here are a few tips for dating as a senior

Take your time. Don’t feel you need to rush into a relationship. It’s important to take the time to get to know someone and make sure you are compatible before committing to a relationship.

Be open to new experiences. As you get older, it’s easy to get set in your ways. However, it’s important to stay open to new experiences and be willing to try new things.

Communicate openly and honestly. Communication is key in any relationship. Be open and honest about your expectations and desires in a relationship.

Stay active. It’s important to stay active and healthy, both physically and mentally. Staying active can help you feel your best and make it easier to meet new people.

Seek like-minded individuals. There are many organizations and groups specifically designed for seniors, such as meetup groups or senior centers. These can be great places to meet new people and find potential partners who share similar interests.

Remember, dating as a senior can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience. Don’t be afraid to take the plunge and put yourself out there.

Keeping friends as we age

It's challenging to maintain friendships as we age, especially if we move away from the people we’ve known for a long time. Our lifestyles and interests change. However, there are some things you can do to help keep your friendships strong.

Attempt to stay in touch. It’s important to stay connected with your friends. This can be as simple as sending a quick text or email to say hello, or setting aside time to have a phone or video call.

Be flexible. As we get older, we may have different schedules and responsibilities that make it harder to see each other as frequently as we’d like. Try to be understanding and flexible with scheduling get-togethers. Be open to trying new things or doing things differently.

Show appreciation. Let your friends know how much you value their friendship and how much they mean to you. Take the time to do things for them or show your appreciation in small ways.

Communicate openly. If you’re feeling distant from a friend or if there’s something on your mind, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly. Sharing your thoughts and feelings can help strengthen your bond and keep your friendship strong.

Make time for friendship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, family, and other responsibilities. It is also important to make time for your friends. Set aside regular time for socializing, whether it’s a weekly phone call or a monthly get-together.

Remember, friendships take effort to maintain, but they are worth it. Investing in your friendships can bring joy and fulfillment to your life.

Making new friends as we age

 Making friends as you get older can be a challenge, but it is definitely possible. Here are a few tips that may help:

Seek opportunities to meet new people: This could be through joining clubs or organizations that align with your interests, taking classes or workshops, or volunteering for a cause you care about.

Be open and approachable: If you want to make new friends, it’s important to be open and approachable. Smile, make eye contact, and be willing to engage in conversation with people you meet.

Show an interest in others: Asking questions and showing an interest in others is a great way to build connections and friendships.

Take the initiative: If you meet someone you’d like to get to know better, don’t be afraid to take the initiative and ask if they’d like to hang out again or exchange contact information.

Be patient: Making new friends takes time and effort, so be patient and don’t get discouraged if you don’t meet someone right away. Keep putting yourself out there and eventually, you will find people with whom you connect.

Drifting to the right

 Have you noticed that as some people; get older they become more conservative both fiscally and socially? I had not noticed that trend among my friends until recently. We had lunch with a friend who is about 8 years older than my group. He was always right of center in some of his views, but I respected him and his work, and when we were younger, we had some spirited discussions; we listened to each other and agreed to disagree if we could not see common ground.

As I listened to our current discussions about crime, the police, drug use, minorities, homelessness and other social issues, I realized that he and my friends and I were not on the same page on some issues and not even in the same book on others. On some issues, we saw the same problems and the same solutions. It surprised me they had such different opinions. They had continued their move to the right, and I was always on the left and I think that I still stay to the left on some issues. But maybe I have moved slightly to the right so I am closer to the center on some issues we talked about.

My friend talked about a man he had known for 53 years who was an NRA member. When my friend who is, like many of us, in favour of gun licencing and registration, started a conversation, his friend of 53 years said to him in an email. “I see that you and I cannot agree on the ownership of guns and gun regulations. Do not contact me again. You are no longer my friend.”

I may disagree with the positions my friends take, but I still listen to their positions as they listen to mine. We may not always agree, but that makes life interesting.

With a little help from your friends

We all have friends but as we age, we may lose some of them, so perhaps it is time to think about how you can learn from your friends, while you still have them.

Have you noticed that you can often learn surprising things from just watching your friends? Because chances are extreme that some of what they chose this in this life for facing certain fears, mastering certain challenges, and raising certain bars you chose for yourself as well, which was part of the attraction that brought you together and made you friends.

Golf Adventures

 I just returned from our annual golf trip. It was fun but very tiring, 20 years ago we would golf 5 days in a row; stay up late, talking and drinking; get up early in the morning and hit the links by about 8:00. Those days have passed. This year we golfed for four days out of five using Wednesday as a day to explore the community. Every year we pick a different part of our area to visit, but we never seemed to get the time to explore the area.

This year we took the time to explore and I found the change of pace restful, which allowed me the energy to finish the week on a higher note. We still stayed up late, going to sleep between 2 and 4 for the first two nights and getting up by 7:30 to get ready for golf. On the third day, we needed the time off, not from the golfing but from the talking till the wee hours of the morning. The last two days we were asleep by one.

Most of our late-night early-morning discussions were spent talking about earlier trips and antics at high school and university. I graduated from a very large high school in the mid-sixties, and my friends graduated from very small schools. So much of the time was spent talking about the different experiences. Bruce Springsteen was not far off when he wrote the song "Glory Days".

The trip this year was just as much fun as it has been for the last 22 years, and I hope to continue being part of the tour for a long time to come. Next year I will have to return as I won the trophy. My friends said I had won because I was the most improved and showed the most consistent improvement over the five days. I appreciate the reasoning and I know my score was after applying the handicap by the end of the week was 78 and I do know that the others were lower than mine, but they said, that I had started a lot higher.

 

Social Skills for Shy Seniors

I have some friends who are shy, they find it difficult to meet new people and to take part in social activities, outside of their small group of friends. As children and young adults, we learned how to make friends. As we age, death and disabilities take away many of these friends. We often need to relearn some social skills and that can be very challenging for shy people. If we do not expand our circle, we may end up isolated and alone. The following was put together by talking to seniors who are not shy.

10 Simple Steps are for those who would like more friends in their lives and are not quite sure how to find them.

Remember, you don’t have to do all these steps at once. Start with the easiest. Be gentle with yourself and be proud of the fact that you are trying!

1.               Look in the mirror. Are you clean, tidy and looking happy? Remember to smile.

2.               Make eye contact when you greet people. They will know that you feel they are important and worth your time.

3.               Listen more than you talk. If you are nervous, you might tend to run on in your conversation. If people start to look bored, it’s time to be quiet and give someone else a turn. Remember, a conversation is not a monologue.

4.               Ask questions: “What do you think?” “How did you get involved?” “Where are you from?”

5.               Enroll in a class. Learning something new will keep your brain young and make you a more interesting person to be with.

6.               Volunteer for something somewhere… neighbourhood, residence, church, etc.

7.               Be considerate, respectful and sincere to everyone.

8.               Join a club. You will find people with similar interests.

9.               Watch for others who might be feeling just as you are. Smile and say hello.

10.         Attend discussion groups. Even if you don’t say a word, people will come to recognize you and be more likely to talk to you.

Snow Days

It snowed in my area overnight Friday and brought about 25 cm of snow to our cul de sac. I live in a community, Port Coquitlam, where the roads are ploughed when it snows. I know I am leaving Poco when the side roads become snowbound and it is hard to drive.

As I was out this morning shovelling the driveway, all of my neighbours were doing the same. Some of them had started early than I had and they were just finishing as I was about halfway through. My next door neighbour to my right went down the street and started helping another neighbour and they finished up that driveway very quickly. When they were finished they came over to my driveway and started working on mine.  The first thing that was said to me was "Merry Christmas". Very quickly I had three young men helping me finish my driveway. When my driveway was finished they moved on to another driveway and I went with them and one more person joined us so the five of us finished two more driveways within about 30 minutes. It was a fun morning, and a pleasant surprise to get see how the how the group came together to help each other. There are only 12 houses on our cul de sac, and there were six of us out helping each other. I did notice when I came out that four of the houses had their driveways completed before I had even started mine. So by 10:00 every house on the cul de sac had their driveway cleared. 

Serendipity happenings in life are or can be a pleasant reminder that we all are in this together and if we help each other unpleasant work can be made a lot easier. Thank you to my neighbours who worked together this morning. The Christmas spirit is still with us.

Moving after retirement

When I was in my forties I read a study that claimed most people lived within 100 miles of where they were born or went to school. I started thinking about that and realised that it appears to be true for many of my circle.  I live, as the crow flies, within a hundred miles of where I went to school, not where I was born. Many of my friends still live within a 25-mile radius of where they were born and went to school. 

Many people move away from their roots when they start to work; work takes precedent and we need to move to where the job takes us. However, when we retire we are no longer restricted to one location. So wanderlust may overtake us. We fondly recall our youth and may decide to move back home. We move after we retire is to be close to our children, or siblings or other family members. Or we may move because we are tired of living in a "big city" or a "small town" and we want a change.  

Is it a good idea to move when you retire? I am one who believes this is not as great idea as it may seem at first. This is because I have friends who have done this and it has been a mistake from which it took them years to recover. Moving means starting new, finding new friends, new support groups, new activities. For many, these tasks are not easy. We have become locked in routine, with a support group and we know our neighbourhoods and we feel safe.

For some, this sense of security and belonging is very important and to move challenges us to a point where we will resist as hard as we can, for others this sense of security and belonging is a stifling and we will do whatever we can to lift the veil and move towards uncertainty with the knowledge it will be better than what we have now.

My daughter asked me if I would move to Australia to be with her and her family. I said no because my support group and friends are here. However, someday that may change and if it does I will look forward to that adventure with enthusiasm.

Friends can help

Have you noticed that you can often learn surprising things from just watching your friends? Because chances are extreme some of what they chose this lifetime for - facing certain fears, mastering certain challenges, and raising certain bars - you chose for yourself as well, which was part of the attraction that brought you together and made you friends.  

So if you can see how your friends handle a situation, you will get a sense of how you might handle the same situation.

Public Transit in the Lower main land of BC.

I read this and was amazed that anyone in the lowermainland would take this advice. On the face of it this looks to be a good suggestion. Why not take public transit or taxi to the airport.
First the article:
Vancouver International Airport is suggesting travellers not ask their friends to drive them to the airport.

Why?

Because it could start — or maintain — "a cycle of resentment."

"Recruiting some poor soul to drop you off to the airport is like asking people to help you move. They don't want to do it, but they will for fear of needing the same help in the future," says a post on the airport's official blog, YVR Connections.

The blog advises travellers to explore alternatives, such as taxis and the Canada Line, a rapid-transit link to the city.

The line, which opened in 2009, takes 26 minutes to travel from downtown Vancouver's Waterfront station to the airport. Trains leave every six minutes during peak times in either direction.

It's "an amazingly cost-effective and efficient way" to get to YVR, the blog says.

The line's airport station is located between the international and domestic terminals. "As you exit the train, turn left for domestic flights or right for U.S. and international flights," the airport says.

While this may be true if you live along a transit line, it is not true for anyone living outside of a line. I live in Port Coquitlam for me to get to the airport it would take by car about an hour, or by taxi the same amount of time but the trip would cost me while over $100.00.

 By public transit it would take while over an hour and a half and require three transfers and walking over a half a mile. I am not sure how this is amazing cost effective or efficient (unless I do not put a value on my time).

I believe that there is no good public transit in the lowermainland for people who live outside of Vancouver. Our transit authority leadership is a joke and the only thing they do is try to figure out how to give themselves a raise or blame someone else for the cuts to service. There is no way  the system can find a way to entice people like me to ride transit. 

I cannot picture a day when I would support public transit in the lowermainland, if I can find alternative transportation. People do not take public transit because it is too inconvenient, it is easier and better to drive yourself or ask a friend.  

Friends

We are all social animals. Not many of us think about prisons. Why is prison life a punishment? Because you cannot move around and meet people. With friendship, we break the barrier that stops us sharing our life with others. During early childhood, only mother is enough. But observe the pain on the face of a child who has no friends to play with, and you will realize why friends are so important? Why does even a small child need friends? He/she can surely play with parents and enjoy life? Friends are needed because most of them are from the same age group and we relate better with people of our age group. Give it a thought.


Many of us carry a childhood friendship in our adult life. That gives us an opportunity to share memories of the childhood spent together. That is why, when we meet a old childhood friend after a long time, we love to go back to our memories. We go back to those days, when things were much better. One is also known by the friends one keeps. What does this mean? This means that people of similar taste become better friends. That is a big advantage of friendship. To share thoughts about things of common interest.

Many times, some things in our life, some incidents etc. cannot be shared with anyone but friends. A friend will understand our problem and not lecture us about mistakes. A friend will be with us and will always be for us. That is friendship. Good friends share every thing in their life including the intimate details, and one who has such friends is very lucky. To share is very important. To talk, to discuss, to exchange ideas, to smile, to laugh and to cry together, we need friends. If we have good friends, we should always take care of the friendship and make the bond stronger. A friendship lost is a very big loss. We cannot go back to childhood days and make friends again. Value friends, and value the friendship as a treasure.

Connect with friends with love and care. Send them some ecards from time to time to share your care. Build and share your friendship. Treasure it.

The original star trek and life lessons

THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD: THOSE WHO DIVIDE EVERYTHING INTO TWO GROUPS AND THOSE WHO DON'T. Kenneth Boulding 

While I agree with Boulding for this blog, I would like to think about this, there are those who believe that people can be divided into four types of people. So if you are taking on this Jungarian approach to life, then I would like to submit the following ideas. (These were first put forth back in the 1980's when I was helping business people understand how to sell to these people, in my seminars on "Starting your own Business}

As you read about the four types of people, I would like you to think about the old STAR TREK Television series. The main characters of this show may help you visualize the four types of people described below. Captain Kirk, Dr. McCoy, Spock and Scotty, I believe, represent the four types as defined by the experts.


DOMINANT SENSITIVES: would best be represented by Dr. McCoy.
These people are very confident, and while being friendly and polite, tend to be very formal. They generally know what they like and want and they do not change their minds easily.

DEALING WITH THEM: To keep these people as friends, remember that they do not like small talk, so cut the small talk and give them factual and unhurried information, with all the facts and figures you have, they like people who are good at what they do, so establish yourself as an expert with credentials to prove it. If they like you, you will have a friend for a long time, as they are slow to change their mind.


DOMINANT SELF CENTERED would best be represented by Captain Kirk
These people bark, but they usually don't bite. They can appear rude, and will interrupt you frequently. They want you to prove to you that they are smarter than you are. They want you to agree with them.

DEALING WITH THEM: To keep them as friends, agree with them all along when they are correct, but do not wilt under their argument. Try not to interrupt them; let them have their say. Listen to what they say then point out how they could hurt their own best interest if they do not agree with you, and remember that they are always interested in something that will help them personally. Let them discover how you can help them solve their need or problem, show them how you can help them, and they will be loyal for life. By the way, most people are afraid of dealing with this type of person. They tend to intimidate others.

SUB DOMINANT SELF CENTERED is best represented by Spock.
These people tend to be insecure; they tend to be distrustful and are looking for reassurance all the time. They tend to be fearful if things are good, in case they suddenly get bad. And they fear bad things in case they get worse. Life is a real strain for them and they are very fearful of anything new in case it upsets their carefully arranged lives.

DEALING WITH THEM: To keep them as friends you have to keep reassuring them that everything will be all right. Do not try to get too close either physically or emotionally. If they are the silent type, ask them for their opinion and give them lots of time to reply. A rule of thumb count to yourself from 1 to 25 very slowly, each time you ask a question. If they chatter non stop, you will have to interrupt, but do so gently by excusing yourself. REPEAT THE POINT THEY JUST MADE and try to use that point to get on with the conversation

SUB DOMINANT SENSITIVE is best represented by Scotty.
These people are usually delightful. They want to be liked, and are not afraid to talk, and are always friendly. The key indicator is that they will frequently apologize early on in the conversation. They want to please. But they do not like pressure and they do not like cold people.

DEALING WITH THEM: If you want to keep these types as friends start with small talk, to build trust and in your discussions stay away from facts, focus on feelings. Assure them all the way that you will like them; always be friendly and warm. Keep getting back to the personal.

These people want you to like them, and will be a loyal friend from you because they trust you. They may have to be reassured from time to time that you are their friend.

They want to stay loyal, but will do so only if they can trust you by knowing you will do everything in your power to help them fill their needs

Helping friends

Earlier I had a discussion with a friend about helping out in times of crises. Many people don't know how to help or they help on their terms. We were talking about a time when my friend needed help and some people said I can help, what do you need....when told the response was....oh, I can't do that, what can I do....Oh, I cannot do that.....
My suggestion is if you have a friend in stress or crises, don't offer help and then put conditions on that help. When we are in crises and are just barely coping with whatever situation we find ourselves in, we need to have support. Many of us don't have family close by anymore that helped us and so we rely on friends, but friends mean well but sometimes don't know how to respond effectively. If we don't have friends then we have to rely on the institutions and social support networks that we have, as a society, put in place to help. These institutions provide some help but they operate on their schedule not ours.

When I was growing up in the East Kootneys, from what I read in my mothers diary, we as a family did not have very much and we had to rely on our extended family and family for support and help. And that help was given unconditionally. We move away from family or some people are single children and have no close family to help, so it is, in my mind to offer support when you see them in a crises situation. I know I try to do this and I think it is because my family received the support when we needed it. I urge you to do this as well.