Monday, March 7, 2011

Some Tips to combat loneliness--Part One

It is not about being on your own. Many people enjoy being on their own and would choose this for themselves for at lest part of the time. They enjoy having their own space. They do not feel the need to have other people around all of the time to validate them or make them feel more comfortable.

If someone experiences feelings of LONELINESS, it is usually not influenced solely by where they are or whether other people are around. It is possible to be in a room full of people and still feel very much ALONE. You can be part of a social gathering and feel LONELY as you are on the periphery and not fully involved with what is going on.

This suggests that LONELINESS is a state of mind. It is tied up with how you feel about yourself. When we have a low self-esteem, we have a choice about whether to change this or not. The prospect of change can be daunting. The challenge of embracing this is however very worthwhile, with rewards not only in terms of how you feel about yourself but also in the quality of your life. The first task in changing our self-esteem is to alter the way in which we view ourselves.

  1. Instead of bombarding ourselves with an onslaught of negative comments, try to focus on the more positive aspects about yourself. This could include, PHYSICAL, PRACTICAL, PERSONAL, EMOTIONAL, ATTRIBUTES or things you are good at, PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENTS. 
  2. Try asking members of your family, colleagues, friends, how they would describe you. This may reveal a number of POSITIVE statements about you which are surprising and / or uplifting. (Note of caution, choose wisely!)
  3. Write down POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS about yourself (Please see article re POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS.)
  4. Pay more attention to your thoughts and feelings. When you are aware of having critical thoughts, try challenging them or using THOUGHT STOPPING TECHNIQUES to help you pay attention to your thoughts. 
  5. Practise seeing yourself in particular situations when you feel CONFIDENT and good about who you are and the circumstances you are in. you are feeling comfortable. Feedback from others is POSITIVE. People are paying attention to you. You are maintaining good eye contact .Feed as much information into this exercise as possible. Pay attention to what your body language is saying to others also pay attention to how you talk with others. 
    1. Make sure you CHOOSE clothes to make the most of your physical attributes and feel CONFIDENT in them. Do you feel better wearing makeup and perfume? Remember how it feels to have a stronger sense of SELF WORTH, to get POSITIVE FEEDBACK from others and from your own reaction.
  6. You can proceed to use the lessons learnt from this exercise to go into the situation for real. You can enter it from a more CONFIDENT and less threatened stance.

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