Saturday, January 7, 2012

Revolutionizing the Lens You Use to View Your Life

The following was written by by Dorian Mintzer,who is a Retirement Coach, who I read and who I think has some interesting ideas. This is from an article she wrote in October, 2011

Last month I was focusing on the importance of relationships and a sense of community in our lives. I still find myself looking through this lens and perhaps always will. Relationships and connection are pivotal in my life, although sometimes life gets so busy that I feel that I'm not a particularly good friend when I don't stay in touch. But then, when it's a birthday or just finally time when a space opens up to connect, I feel a sense of gratitude that, with many of my special friends, we can connect as though it was "just yesterday."

On a few occasions I've discovered that Facebook has helped in the process. For example, three people from different periods of my life-one going back 50 years, another 40 years and another 35 years suddenly "reappeared," wondering if I was the "Dori Mintzer" from back then. Although the memories had receded, I found it so interesting that the connection brought forth a surge of memories-so I began to remember family member names, events and other friends from those time periods. I could almost feel the brain connections at work!

Although I had changed my last name for a brief time with my first marriage, when I divorced I decided to go back to my maiden name and stay with it. My attitude was that "relationships can come and go, but I want to hold on to a constant me." You may agree or disagree with this attitude. It has worked for me, although, now almost 30 years in a relationship with my husband, in some social situations I am often referred to by my husband and son's last name and love that, too.

When women change their name with marriage it can sometimes becomes more difficult to reconnect with old "friends." Some women continue to use their maiden name as a middle name, but not everyone does. If you have a wish to reconnect with some people from the past, you may want to think about adding your maiden name to your profile. I've found myself thinking about a few of my friends from the past who I can't find since they don't list their prior name. I would encourage you to allow yourself some reflection time and an opportunity to evaluate the "state of your relatedness to others"-family and friends and perhaps use the opportunity to catapult you into an action mode to reconnect. I recommend it.

What I've found is a sense of gratitude for the people who have been part of my life. In a similar way, I find as I get older, that I also value my family more. Family members have been sick, there have been a few deaths recently, some after long lives well lived and others where life ended much too prematurely. I hope that all of us will take time to consider and reconsider our lives and our relationships and allow ourselves to value the connections.

Life Transition/"Retirement" Coach, Dorian Mintzer, Founder of the Boomers and Beyond Special Interest Group and co-author of The Couple's Retirement Puzzle, helps self-reliant boomers reinvent themselves in the next stage of life. Visit her site at:

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