Attiitude adjustments

If you could sit down with a pencil, paper, and list the top five goals most people would put for their senior citizen years, what do you suppose would go on that list? Financial security would probably rank pretty high. And time with family would get good marks. But just based on the thing that seems to be most on the minds of seniors, the thing that would probably rank the highest would be good health, avoiding injury and continued long life.

 Now, if you attend a seminar in good health for seniors, usually the things that get covered are diet issues and exercise. But more and more, research into what seniors are most successful and consistently live the longest and have the lowest incidence of health problems are not the ones who statistically work the hardest to observe strict diet and exercise guidelines. The senior citizens that are the most successful at being the best are the ones who obsess the least about being successful.

We have made much of “the power of positive thinking” and some of it is probably a bunch of hype. But this research on the effect of attitude on how well senior citizens do mentally, emotionally and physically lends some credibility that a senior outlook on life seems to have a great deal to do not only with their quality of life but how frequently you get sick and on longevity.

Part of why this is has to do with expectations. If you enter your senior years expecting you will be ill more often, will experience periods of low energy and will decline quickly over your senior years, that is probably what is going to happen to you.

This is not just because the thoughts themselves have any power like the positive thinking people would have us believe. But if each day you wake up expecting poor health and low stamina, you won’t be as active during the day. You won’t want to socialize with others and you won’t have goals and ambitions. And these are the kinds of things that keep people of any age going. By “giving up” to the onset of old age, we signal our minds and to our bodies that there will be no effort to stay fit and healthy. And because there is no effort in those directions, poor health and low energy results.

Some call this the “self-fulfilling prophecy” syndrome. Seniors that think they will do well, have an active lifestyle and continue to enjoy good health are the ones that do just as well as they think they will. But their counterparts seem to “think themselves ill”.

There are a lot of causes and effects looking at your life with confidence and ambition can have. Seniors who are active, who get out and take on projects, spend time with others and refuse to let old age get them down are the ones that stay happy and healthy longer and have a better quality of life throughout their retirement years.

Another paradox of the importance of attitude on the quality of life of a senior has to do with thinking of others more than yourself. A senior who volunteers are active in helping others and who are always celebrating the lives of family and friends also seem to be happier and more successful members of the community. To state this simply, those who worry about others the most benefit the most personally. But those who worry about themselves the most have the most to worry about.

The best way to turn around the effects of poor attitude and get a change of outlook is to seek better companionship. The old saying “misery loves company” is quite accurate. So getting a better mental attitude, be with people who have friendly attitudes. A positive and creative outlook on life is contagious. And it’s worth the effort to change how you view your retirement life because to think negatively is only going to lead to problems. But if your attitude says you will get the best from life, you experience that and become the best senior you can become

 

4,000 and counting

This is my 4,000 post and I am thankful for all of you who read my thoughts and ideas. In one of my first posts back in 2010, I said when talking about having a new grandson who was born in Australia:

I know that many of my generations have teenage grandkids but this is new territory for me and my wife. I am not sure if being a grandfather makes me a senior but I do I still qualify as a boomer. I am not yet ready to call myself a senior although I suspect that younger people would think I qualify.

I started writing this blog when my grandson was born with the idea that one day when he was old enough he would read some of what I have written to get an idea of what is grandfather was like, what I considered important and how I view life. He is now 11 and in a few years will be able to think about reading my thoughts. 

The idea to do this came from my mother, who kept a diary of her early life with my father. Both my mom and dad died before I was 35 and while my mom got to meet her grandchildren, my father never did. However, when my mom died she left her diaries and pictures in my care. It took a few years, but I eventually read them and was astounded about how little I knew of her early life. My parents never talked about the hardships they faced when they first were married and I was too young to remember. Having the diary gave me a chance to see another side of my mom and increased my love and respect for her by a thousand times.

Today we don't have to write our thoughts in diaries we can use blogs. I have friends who use diaries and I respect them, but I chose another route to reach out to my family and friends. I hope to continue to write as long as I keep having ideas and thoughts that I think will help my grandson understand me and how my thinking helped shape his mother's attitudes and view of life. Thank you all for your support offer the years.

Gratitude in advance

Five more sleeps until Christmas day and the gathering of the family and the sharing of gifts. 

Something to think about "feeling gratitude in advance, before you even receive, as if you already had, whether for direction or abundance or anything else, opens the floodgates of joy".

Choice

To make hard tasks easy, mountains molehills, and challenges simple, you can opt for one of two paths. 

• You can be still, wait for guidance, and expect spontaneous enlightenment.
• Or you can just roll up your sleeves and get busy doing what you can, with what you've got, from where you are.

May I suggest the second choice? It's usually much faster. And if you believe in divine intervention this choice makes you a lightning rod for divine guidance and spontaneous enlightenment.

Fear

When fear speaks,  it's always wrong.

Do you have issues?

Just a little "FYI," "Heads up," and "Check this out!"

It's no one's responsibility to tell you what your "issues" are, and contrary to popular thinking most will not. 

Which pretty much means there's only one person you can trust in such matters, and it ain't me, but I think you know who that person is, don't you?

Go for it!

Go for it, not once, but again and again and again. Whatever it takes. Because in the end, with arms held high in the winner's circle, beaming with joy, as light as a feather, crying your eyes out, you'll see how fantastically disproportionate the rewards are for the effort expended, the risks taken, and the price paid - no matter how many false starts you endured. And you'll be astounded by how quickly you made it, even though, when the going got tough and your spirits ebbed, you thought you'd never, ever, ever, "see the day."

What we have in common

Have you ever wondered what we have in common with others? I think that if we knew how much we have in common with every single person now living in time and space,  in terms of our deepest hopes and dreams, fears and worries, you'd wonder why some of us fear other people.

For ourselves, many of us dreams and the hope of being safe, within our own home. Now your definition of what a safe and welcoming home may be different than mine, but we both hope for this. 

We hope we can stay or become fit, and vibrantly alive. We also may want to be beautiful, rich, and healthy. 

We all have a deep need to have friends and a supportive and caring family where we feel loved and cherished. 

We also hope that our friends, colleagues and family hold us in some respect. I believe all of us when we see the joy and smile on a toddlers face, are filled with joy ourselves.

What are your deepest hopes and dreams for yourself, for your children? As parents and grandparents, we have the desire to protect our offspring and to create opportunities for them to be successful.  At the very core, of what we hope is that they have a safe, secure and successful, life.

What other dreams and hopes do you have for yourself or your family?

I suggest that as we begin to understand that my dreams and your dreams at their core are not that different, we should think of every single person as a friend or a person who is about to be a friend, just as I do.

Speak to the highest in them

Whenever conferring with another- either face to face or across the miles - whether a human being, departed spirit, or sentient tree, always speak to the highest within them. 

It makes such a difference.

Your name is all over this

Little is more impressive, inspirational, or sexy than watching someone in the throes of action, driven by purpose, oblivious to all but their aim.

Today has your name all over it

Withdrawal

I spend a great deal of time on the Internet, reading, researching, communicating with friends and family, updating material for the workshops we do through our Institute on senior health and wellness. I am on a number of social media sites. I belong to Bebee, I have a Twitter, Linkedin, Instagram and Facebook account as well as a presence on Google and on Blogger. I use Google maps not only to get around but when I visit a place I spend extra time and rate my experience to help others.  I enjoy my time on the Net although many of my generation like the Internet, they do not like social networking sites. 

As a group, 81% of my age group (65-74) uses the Internet, although the use of the Intenet by those over 75  drops to 75%. Many of my friends use the Internet on a daily basis. Health research is one of the most commonly searched topics. However, not all sources on the Internet are reliable. I tell my friends to be careful as to what they read – especially health information. The Internet is a great resource and a tool to help you to become more knowledgeable and increase awareness. However, always consult a healthcare professional for any health advice, including prior to engaging in physical activity.

According to the Pew Institute, when it comes to social networking sites I am an outlier, only 45% of my age group use social media of any kind. For seniors over 75 only 29% use any type of social media site. One of the biggest reasons is my friends tell me they do not want their privacy to be compromised. I tell them that if they are using Google or any search engine, and any browser their privacy is already compromised. They don't believe me and continue to resist the idea of joining any networking site. I could spend many posts giving reasons why my age group should join and use social media platforms, but I would be preaching to the choir as the old saying goes, so I won't. 

 My friends and I are off for a week of golf and fun, without any access to any social networking sites or the Internet. Since I like my friends and enjoy quality time with them, for the next week, I will be off-line. This is by design, as I will spend the time enjoying their company and like all men, we will tackle the problems of the world. We will reminisce about what we did on earlier trips and raise a glass to those who are no longer with us. We will laugh and tell stories to bring our friends back into our mind's eye albeit for a short period of time.

We call ourselves the "Lords of Golf" based on an inside joke, which I won't bore you with, but the tour has been going on in BC and the NorthWest every year since 1982. Members of the group change every year, although the organizer and founder, my best friend, has been on every trip. There are a few others who have been on this trip for over 25 years, but I am a newcomer as I have only been on the tour since 2002. Our numbers range from 24 to 4 depending on who can make it that particular year. 

Every year we go at the same time, but we pick a different location in BC or Washington State. This year there are 9 of us and we are visiting the city of Kelowna for a week. We do not take the golf on tour very seriously but we have a trophy and the winner gets to keep it for a year. I won a few years back and perhaps in the next 16 years, I will have a shot at winning again. We have few rules, but one is that 

However, thanks to the wonderful tools here on Blogger I can create posts which will show up online at a later date. So I have worked ahead and will not miss a post here, even though I will not be online.

How do you measure success?

I was thinking about my grandson and the twins and the joy they experience when they first succeed at something, anything.  We were in the park and one of the twins who are three, was trying to climb up the slide, it was steep for him and he slipped back at least a dozen times, but he kept trying. Each time he almost made it to the top, slipped back, laughed and looked around. No one was watching except me, and he continued, after about the 20th attempt, he made it to the top. Turned around, looked at me, laughed and gave me a thumbs up and then slid down and then climbed back up again. This time with no failure. He had mastered the climb. It was much more exciting and faster than walking around to the stairs.

Young children don't measure success the same as some adults. Watch young children, your own or your grandkids or their friends as they try something new. They work very hard at trying to get it right, and when they do, big smiles appear, and/or high fives are given and/or applause and praise by peers given.

Watching little ones is a reminder that sometimes success is better measured in smiles received, giggles heard, and hands held than in dollars earned, deadlines met, and kilos shed.

And I must say, I've done well for myself and you can do, if you embrace the idealism of youth. 

Life of your dreams

I understand that you must wonder, sometimes to the point of bewilderment, at what you're truly capable of doing. Yet, therein lies the "problem," because living the life of your dreams is far more about what your capable of doing.

Discovering Self

As we move into the last stage of our life, some of us begin a Self Discovery, which generally proves to be really exciting and amazing.

When you start to analyze yourself, there is the discovery of self, which may have been lost to you as you progressed through earlier stages of living. As you begin this search various questions should be raised:

·       Will I be able to abandon my comfort zone?

o   This means that you have a comfort zone and that you recognize that you have one.

o   If you are going to abandon your comfort zone, your behaviour changes in given situations which may upset some of your friends and family. Most times a person’s behaviour becomes repetitive and familiar to those around him/her but when it is a matter of self-discovery you start exploring and discovering about yourself, which can upset others unless you tell them what you are doing.

·       What are my requirements for happiness, and what exactly do I want from those requirements?

o   Your thought process changes are altered and some thoughts are dismissed out of your life. So, you should be open and prepare for your former beliefs to become less meaningful.

o   Self Discovery will help in discovering a person’s personal truth.

·       Am I willing to go where I have never been or where I fear to go?

o   When you start your path of Self Discovery, you will face such situations from where you want to escape from or courageously try to solve.

o   Avoiding a situation that has caused you pain or grief will be foolish, ridiculous and dangerous. Your inner soul will insist that you confront all prevailing situations so that you can translate and understand them.

o    So, you need to abandon fear or at least learn to control it. This is not easy and to do this, you should be committed to the path and the work needed to finish your task. Fear pretends to protect you from pain instead; it may be a great hurdle in your growth and development.

Your subconscious mind is ready to move forward but suddenly your sub-conscious realize that you are embracing and seeking to a new level of life. You change according to various habitats, which become a vital part of the growth process. Sometimes it happens that you are eager to move to another place, another state or another plane of existence.  

 When the act of consciousness is expanded in your life, trust is really important. You have to step out of the restricted understanding and broaden your perspectives about life and themselves. When discovering self a person should have a wider perspective about themselves and needs to trust those around him/her to make sure they help you on your journey and are there for you at the end of the journey

Becoming Gandalf

In the classic books and in the movie series, The Lord of the Rings, Gandalf was the wise old wizard that guided the heroic party through to success.  While we don’t have real Gandalfs in our lives, you may be able to remember when you were young that wise elder statesman that you looked up to and revered because they were a source of wisdom and caring when you as a young person seemed to be continuously confused and afraid about what was happening to you in life.

As you enter your retirement, it’s a good time to reflect on how that elder in your young life served such a valuable function of helping and guiding you.  Perhaps your reason for being in the place of elder statesman in your family’s life that you too become revered and that you can serve them with wisdom, compassion and love.  So the question might be, how do you fill that role and “become revered” the way the Gandalf was?

You don’t have the magic that Gandalf had to help his young charges through their struggles.  Perhaps the first step of becoming the wise revered elder of your family is to see yourself in that role.  By creating a vision of a wise elder, perhaps using the model of who that person was in your youth, you give yourself a role to grow into.  Picture situations in which you were able to be there for your family and they would turn to you and get just the right advice for the hour.

One such situation might be at Christmas.  Late Christmas Eve, your grandchildren can climb up in your lap to take comfort from you being there for them.  It is this kind of sweet moment where they should be able to ask Grandpa or Grandma anything that troubles them.  You will want to bring the maximum amount of patience and love to that sweet time with your grandchild so he or she knows that Grandma or Grandpa is a font of endless patience and endless answers to their questions.

This is the way you become revered.  The psychological results of just that short time with you can be powerful in a young life.  Just knowing there is an elder in their lives who is always there, never too busy for them and with whom they can talk about anything and who will probably know the answer gives a child the confidence to face life with courage and calm.  That is a wonderful gift you give to your grandchildren and its something only you can give them that is a gift even their mom and dad cannot provide.

As you fill that role, your children and their spouses too will start to see you in the role of wise old Gandalf and someone they can always turn to.  When you were in the role of parent, they may have looked to your parents for that role.  But now that you are stepping into the senior role, you may get late night phone calls from adult children who just need a caring ear to listen and a soft loving voice, slightly deepened with age, to just assure them that they can handle the crisis and that they will be all right. 

It will take courage for you to not panic and to fill that roll of comforter and adviser but it’s a crucial role that only a grandparent can provide.  But probably the most important thing you can do to become the one they turn to when they need Grandpa or Grandma is to always be there.  This is harder than it seems. 

A friend of mine tells of a call he got from a teenage granddaughter at three in the morning.  She needed love, advice as well as emotional counseling.  And as dearly as that senior citizen needed his sleep, he was there for her and guided her through the crisis until she was sleeping peacefully in her bed.  And why was that child able to weather a crisis in her young life?  Because Grandpa was always there for her.  And if you make sure that there is no situation that your kids or grandchildren cannot interrupt to come to you for help, advice or comfort, you will capture a revered place in their hearts that will be yours to keep forever.

Memories are made of this

When treasures become memories, the memories become so treasured but they also come with some profound lessons if we are ready to discern and digest:

• Childhood memories are the strongest reminders of love and affection, so handle children with care as they are creating their memories.
• Don’t invest all your emotions in one person. 
• Memories of such a person can drain you even if they are great memories.
• Attachments are aching reminders of fond memories that is why we find it so difficult to part with our attachments.
• Dwelling in the past is futile as it retrieves painful memories or focuses our attention on wonderful memories that we long to relive but cannot.
• All people we meet leave an impact on our lives, from some we learn what to do, from others we learn what not do to.
• Avoid negative people as much as you can but if you have to deal with them, do so as quickly as you can.
• Memorable people affect us deeply with their qualities. They give us good memories.
• Earliest happy memories convey life-lessons of happiness and relaxation.

Brace yourself

Brace yourself! It's time for more "good news, bad news."

The good news is that life is just an illusion. A playground of sorts for spiritual adventurers to learn of their divinity. Where absolutely anything can happen, thoughts become things, and dreams do come true. 

Life is the ultimate test pilot's paradise, where they can crash and burn, and do it again. Soar and learn. Rise and fall. Conquer and stall. Or just fly in circles, sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. All the while lifting others, higher into the light for their tears-and-laughter-bought lessons.

The bad news?

You're the test pilot.

Your Word

Your word is one of the most powerful forces in the entire world.

Listen to what you say to find out what you really think… and use it to pave the way for future bliss and happiness.

Do you pass judgement on others?

People pass judgement. It's what we do. All of us. It's a built-in, primaeval mechanism designed to keep us safe. We're constantly judging and evaluating every situation and person to see if they pose a threat to us.

Below the surface, people tend to judge others based on their own fears. When we look at someone for the first time we see a reflection of our past experiences and associations. It could be from their body language or the way they dress and behave. It is insightful to be aware of how our past can affect our present thoughts about someone else. This helps us spot clues to false or premature judging.

Some say we judge others because of body chemicals. Serotonin is one of them and it is the one that makes us feel worthy, desired and respected (among other things). We are always craving it because it feels like a million bucks. Our ancestors had learned that social dominance and respect leads to food and better mating opportunities. Now our limbic system is still programmed to release Serotonin when we feel dominant and respected among others. But it also releases Cortisol, the stress hormone when we feel undesirable and in a lower social standing compared to others. 

Cortisol makes us unhappy and urges us to do something about it. Now what we do with these chemicals is decided by the wiring of neurons in out cortex. These wirings are built by your life experiences and they decide our actions to different situations. But the primary goal is to get rid of Cortisol and get more happy chemicals.

Now when we judge others, we are trying to get rid of Cortisol by finding faults with their claims on social dominance and embolden our claim. Our judgement might release Serotonin and mask the Cortisol. If we do it regularly our neurons get wired very strongly to do it and this becomes the natural response even if doesn't make us happy or actually releases more Cortisol. It is very hard to rewire our neurones to act differently, so people keep doing this forever even if it makes them more stressed and gets them into a vicious cycle.

So, while we are aware of some of these judgements, and others are at an unconscious and deeply basic level we become prisoners of our own chemistry when we try to break our habit of being judgemental.

The reason I bring this up is to help you understand that no matter what you do in life, people will judge you because they too are at the mercy of their body chemicals. We cannot control others who judge us, but we can control our reactions to their judgement. The more we allow those judgements to impact us, the more we are going to be hurt and upset.  It is hard but try to remember that their judgement is more about them than it is about you. 

So... if you're going to be judged, why not be judged for doing what you want?

Scripture cautions us not to be harsh and judgmental of others' faults, even where they are evident because neither are we perfect and free from error. The admonition not to regard the speck in your neighbour's eye before removing the log from your own eye finds parallels in many scriptures. Rather than justify ourselves and blame others, we should look into ourselves for having such feelings of resentment.

Here are some other quotes about judgement from world religions that may help you control your impulse to judge:

Christian: “In the same way you judge others, you will be judged. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your neighbour’s eye? First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your neighbour’s eye.” (Matthew 7:2-5)

Hinduism. Garuda Purana 112 says:  Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment that you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

The book of Leviticus in the Hebrew Bible contains codes of laws and other precepts, including statements concerning judging others: ...do not favour the poor or show deference to the rich; judge your neighbour fairly...You shall not hate your kinsman in your heart. Reprove your neighbour, but incur no guilt against your kinsfolk. Love your neighbour as yourself: I am the LORD. [19:16-17]

African Traditional Religions. Buji Proverb (Nigeria): Easily seen are others' faults, hard indeed to see are one's own. Like chaff, one winnows others' faults, but one's own one hides, as a crafty fowler conceals himself by camouflage. He who sees others' faults is ever irritable--his corruptions grow. He is far from the destruction of the corruptions.

Buddhism. Dhammapada 252-53: Happy is the person who finds fault with himself instead of finding fault with others.

Islam. Hadith:  If you want to criticise someone, first criticise yourself more than three times.

Unification Church. Sun Myung Moon, 9-30-69: Confucius said, "The gentleman calls attention to the good points in others; he does not call attention to their defects. The small man does just the reverse of this."

Confucianism: Analects 12.16: Confucius said, "The good man does not grieve that other people do not recognise his merits. His only anxiety is lest he should fail to recognise theirs."

Confucianism: Analects 1.16 Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of God; as it is written, As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me and every tongue shall confess to God.  So each of us shall give account of himself to God.

Three words about life