A Canadians view of Australians

This post is about what is like to be an Australian from a proud Canadian grandfather of a beautiful Australian grandson, I hope when he is older he gets a kick out of it.

 You know you're Australian if....

• You know the meaning of 'girt'
• You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk
• You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin
• You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount  vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse
• You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden
• When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom
• You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds
• You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'
• You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'
• You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional
• You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'
• You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep
• You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'
• You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place
• You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin
• You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'
• You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread
• You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis
• You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'
• You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'
• You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year
• You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'
• You wear ugh boots outside the house
• You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them
• Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language
• You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is alway polite
• You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose
• You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'
• You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle
• You biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket
• You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'
• You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'
• When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit
• You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered
• You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction
• When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer
• You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second
• You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.
• You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and  overseas, realising that only they will understand!!