Caring what other people think of you puts them in charge of your life, instead of you.
'What will other people think of me?' slavery is extremely common. Most of us are brought up (rightfully so) to consider others. But, unless we are discerning, we soon find ourselves caught up in a job we can't stand, or living in a relationship which makes us unhappy, or getting caught up in the spiral of poverty.
'Trying to please other people all the time' syndrome begins in childhood. It stems from a desire to be liked and admired. Let's look at a fairly typical scenario: three boys, Fred, Joe, and Matthew, all five years old, are best pals. They fight to sit together at school and spend their breaks in a group. Fred comes to school one day with a stack of pokemon cards to show his friends. Joe is envious of Fred's collection and a fight breaks out when Fred refuses to give a prized card to Joe.
There are several resulting scenarios, all with serious implications for Fred's future. A teacher could break up the fight and make Fred feel guilty for not parting with the prized card. Joe could refuse to talk to Fred even ending the friendship, unless Fred relented. Matthew would side with either Joe or Fred, or be a peacemaker and force the other two to discuss the problem and sort it out amicably.
The biggest danger to Fred, is if the solution entails his giving the card away, when he really doesn't want to. In other words, if the only reason he gives in, is because he desperately wants to be liked and it really matters what his friends think of him. If they were real friends, of course, Joe would understand Fred's view and Matthew would not criticise. Fred might even willingly offer Joe another not so valuable card out of his collection.
Over the years thousands of small incidents build up, until by the time we are adults, most of us make a habit of putting what other people think of us before our own personal needs and desires.
The Right Reasons
Before you cut the grass, decorate the house, start a business, go on holiday, always ask yourself, 'am I doing this for the right reasons?' Yes, the gardening has to be done, but not if you're in the middle of crucial market research and if you don't cut the grass today you're worried that the neighbour's will think you're lazy. Yes, a house has to be decorated, but not if it's at the expense of your health through shooting your stress level through the roof trying to fit it in between a busy advertising campaign, and it's only because your partner insists you do it now.
'Other people' slavery kills your creativity, your energy and drive towards your own goals and fulfilling your dreams. It stops you from going to places you want to visit and enjoying the kind of entertainment that you enjoy. So, make certain you're not always driven to do things, merely because you're worried about what other people think of you. Be confident in who you are!
'What will other people think of me?' slavery is extremely common. Most of us are brought up (rightfully so) to consider others. But, unless we are discerning, we soon find ourselves caught up in a job we can't stand, or living in a relationship which makes us unhappy, or getting caught up in the spiral of poverty.
'Trying to please other people all the time' syndrome begins in childhood. It stems from a desire to be liked and admired. Let's look at a fairly typical scenario: three boys, Fred, Joe, and Matthew, all five years old, are best pals. They fight to sit together at school and spend their breaks in a group. Fred comes to school one day with a stack of pokemon cards to show his friends. Joe is envious of Fred's collection and a fight breaks out when Fred refuses to give a prized card to Joe.
There are several resulting scenarios, all with serious implications for Fred's future. A teacher could break up the fight and make Fred feel guilty for not parting with the prized card. Joe could refuse to talk to Fred even ending the friendship, unless Fred relented. Matthew would side with either Joe or Fred, or be a peacemaker and force the other two to discuss the problem and sort it out amicably.
The biggest danger to Fred, is if the solution entails his giving the card away, when he really doesn't want to. In other words, if the only reason he gives in, is because he desperately wants to be liked and it really matters what his friends think of him. If they were real friends, of course, Joe would understand Fred's view and Matthew would not criticise. Fred might even willingly offer Joe another not so valuable card out of his collection.
Over the years thousands of small incidents build up, until by the time we are adults, most of us make a habit of putting what other people think of us before our own personal needs and desires.
The Right Reasons
Before you cut the grass, decorate the house, start a business, go on holiday, always ask yourself, 'am I doing this for the right reasons?' Yes, the gardening has to be done, but not if you're in the middle of crucial market research and if you don't cut the grass today you're worried that the neighbour's will think you're lazy. Yes, a house has to be decorated, but not if it's at the expense of your health through shooting your stress level through the roof trying to fit it in between a busy advertising campaign, and it's only because your partner insists you do it now.
'Other people' slavery kills your creativity, your energy and drive towards your own goals and fulfilling your dreams. It stops you from going to places you want to visit and enjoying the kind of entertainment that you enjoy. So, make certain you're not always driven to do things, merely because you're worried about what other people think of you. Be confident in who you are!
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