A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q: Why did the pilot go to the psychologist?
A: He thought he was plane crazy.
Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being
Q: Did you hear about the three men that hijacked a truck full of Viagra?
A: The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
My doctor told me I needed a partial bowel resection. I asked, "will that leave me with a semi-colon?"
I'll thank Mark Eells a finalist in the O.Henry World Championship Pun-Off for this one. Google it and you'll find some very funny punsters doing their thing on video..
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.
For more Puns go here