Friday, December 11, 2015

You have to keep your sense of humour

Thanks to Wayne and Derwyn for these wonderful quotes over the past few months I have found that you need to keep your sense of humor to see yourself through the day:

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) 

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt 

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. George Burns 

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge 

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain 

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates (the comedian) 

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield 

Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan 

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. - Joe Namath 

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope 

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - W. C. Fields 

We could certainly slow the aging process down I fit had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers 

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill 

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller 

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal 

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