A bit late but it is time for some March humour. Enjoy

 St. Patrick’s Day Puns & Dad Jokes 🍀

1. Why don’t you iron four-leaf clovers? Because you don’t want to press your luck!
2. What’s a leprechaun’s favourite type of music? Sham-rock!
3. Why do leprechauns make great secret agents? They’re always a little clover undercover!
4. How do Irish cows stay up to date? They read the Moospaper!
5. Why don’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because they’re always a little short!
6. How did the shamrock feel after telling a joke? Pretty clover!
7. What do you call a fake Irish stone? A sham-rock!
8. Why was the leprechaun so good at basketball? He always had a little green in his shot!
9. What’s a leprechaun’s favourite type of exercise? Jig jogging!
10. Why do Irish people love to solve puzzles? Because they’re always looking for a wee bit o’ luck!

The Ides of March Puns & Dad Jokes ⚔️

11. Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons? Because he wanted to draw his own conclusions!
12. How did the Roman senator feel about the Ides of March? Stabbed in the back!
13. What did Brutus say when he finished baking? Et tu, Brute cake?
14. Why did Caesar bring an umbrella to the Senate? Because he knew it was going to reign trouble!
15. What’s Julius Caesar’s least favourite salad dressing? Caesar dressing—too many bad memories!
16. Why did the Roman refuse to pay his debts? Because he knew he’d be charged with treason!
17. What do you call an indecisive Roman leader? Julius Cease-ar!
18. Why didn’t the Roman chicken cross the road? Because it feared the Ides of March!
19. What’s a Roman’s favorite part of a sword? The point of no return!
20. How do you comfort a Roman on March 15th? Tell them, This too shall pass!

First Day of Spring Puns & Dad Jokes 🌸

21. Why do flowers always drive so fast? Because they put the petal to the metal!
22. What’s a bee’s favourite kind of flower? Any bee-gonia!
23. Why don’t flowers argue? Because they always turn over a new leaf!
24. What did the tree say to spring? What a re-leaf!
25. Why do birds fly north in spring? Because it’s tweet season!
26. What do you call a rabbit that tells jokes? A real hare-larious comedian!
27. Why do cows love spring? Because the grass is always greener!
28. How do you know spring is a great time of year? It always grows on you!
29. What kind of math do plants love? Mulch-plication!
30. What do you call a snowman in spring? A puddle!
31. Why was the gardener so happy on the first day of spring? Because he had a bud-ding career!

Hope these bring you some laughs!

 

This ones for my son

My son told me this story and I am passing it on.

As a guitarist, my son gets all kinds of gigs, but recently he was dying for a unique one. A funeral director asked him to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. This gentleman had no family or friends, so they planned a simple service at a pauper’s cemetery in the boondocks. My son wasn’t exactly familiar with the backwoods, and as fate would have it, he got lost.

After a lot of wrong turns and dead ends, he finally arrived an hour late, only to find the funeral director had evidently given up the ghost and left, along with the hearse. The only folks left were the diggers and crew, who were gathered around the gravesite having lunch.

Feeling terrible, he apologized for his grave mistake. He walked up to the side of the grave and noticed the vault lid was already in place. Not knowing what else to do, he pulled out his guitar and started to play.

The workers put down their sandwiches and drifted closer. He played his heart out, strumming up all the love he could for this man who had no one. As he poured his soul into ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. One by one, they laid their sandwiches aside, and soon, everyone was caught up in the moment. The tears were flowing like the graveyard shift without overtime pay.

When he finally finished, he nodded respectfully, packed up his guitar, and started for his car. Although he felt buried in guilt, his heart was full. But just as he opened his car door, he overheard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen anything like that before, and I’ve been installing septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, he’s still digging his way out of this one!

I love a good online debate,....

 I have always enjoyed reading quotes that display a fiercely quick wit and a commitment to assessing art and life as honestly as possible.  Here are some I think do this well. 

1.  "In the age of influencers, everyone’s a philosopher—just with better filters."

2.  "I love a good online debate. It’s like shouting into the void but with emojis."

3.  "The trouble with multitasking is that it makes you terribly efficient at doing absolutely nothing."

4.  "Social media has done wonders. I now know how much better everyone else is pretending to be."

5.  "The internet promises everything at your fingertips, except peace and quiet."

6.  "Zoom meetings are proof that even in the future, no one wants to wear pants."

7.  "In a world of self-care gurus, sometimes the bravest thing is simply getting out of bed."

8.  There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply callisthenics with words.

9.  The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.’

10.  They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.

Records, Cassettes and CDs (What)?

Every few years, an advance in technology comes along that renders the previous technology obsolete. This cycle of innovation has happened countless times throughout history. For example, the steam engine revolutionized transportation, but eventually, cars and airplanes made train travel less essential.

Later, the telegraph enabled relatively quick long-distance communication. However, the telephone's advent rendered the telegraph nearly obsolete. Similarly, in the 1980s and 1990s, every household had a VCR, but the arrival of DVDs and DVD players made VCRs and VHS tapes redundant.

This pattern continues today. The late 1990s saw the rise of the MP3 player, which became the primary way music enthusiasts listened to their tunes. Records were the mainstay for decades, and then 8-track tapes, cassettes, and compact discs took their turns in the spotlight. However, with the advent of digital downloads and streaming services, physical media like CDs and tapes have largely fallen by the wayside.

MP3 players, and later smartphones, revolutionized music consumption by offering seamless playback without the skipping issues of CDs or the fragility of records and cassettes. As a result, records, cassettes, and CDs have become artifacts in the music world, with most people preferring to download or stream their music.

Despite this shift, vinyl records have seen a resurgence among collectors and audiophiles, and some companies still release music on vinyl and cassette tapes. However, these formats are now niche markets, much like relics of a bygone era.

The cycle of technological evolution continues beyond music. Traditional television commercials are becoming artifacts of the past as streaming services with ad-free options grow in popularity. Flat-screen digital sets have replaced regular televisions. DVDs are gradually moving into the artifact category as streaming services and digital downloads dominate how we consume video content.

This natural evolution reflects society's constant drive for newer, better products. While we might nostalgically mourn the loss of records, cassettes, and CDs, we embrace MP3s, smartphones, and streaming services for their superior quality and convenience. In our consumption-obsessed culture, innovation is key.

So, say goodbye to the record, the cassette, and the compact disc—they are artifacts now. Say hello to the future of music with a good set of tunes and a reliable streaming service such as Spotify and Apple Music. Both offer extensive libraries, user-friendly interfaces, and high-quality streaming options.

Teenage grandchildren

 Just Face It, Your Kids Think You're an Artifact (Ancient and no longer relevant)

Remember when you were young and convinced you'd never grow up? Thirty seemed ancient, and you figured you'd never actually get there. Well, surprise—you did! And now you're over fifty-five with teenage grandchildren who think you're straight out of the Stone Age.

Think back to when you thought your own parents were relics who had no clue about your world. They were basically fossils to you. Fast forward a few decades, and now it's your turn. Despite your best efforts to stay hip and in the know, your grandkids see you as a living museum exhibit.

You might think you've got this whole parenting-grandparenting thing down. After all, you survived the teenage years yourself, right? But to them, you're just an old geezer who wouldn’t understand their struggles even if they bit you in the pants.

Don't sweat it. It's a rite of passage. Every generation believes they invented everything cool, and every generation thinks their elders just don't get it. Accept it—embrace your artifact status.

Here's the secret: acknowledge your ancient status with pride. Admit you have no clue about their latest TikTok trend or whatever newfangled app they’re glued to. Let them figure things out on their own. Eventually, they’ll circle back to you for guidance.

Rest assured, the day will come when they realize you're not just a clueless relic. They’ll see you as the wise sage you truly are. Until then, let them bask in their teenage drama. When they finally ask for your advice, you'll have the pleasure of saying, "I told you so."

And one day, they'll have their own kids who think they’re fossils. Then, they'll come to you and laugh about how their kids don't know anything, just like they once thought about you.

Welcome to the Unpopular Parent Club! Population: every parent and grandparent ever.

Viv la difference

 I have never understood women and only went on dates once I was in my second year of university. I was lucky to meet a lady who I have been with for over fifty years and let me tell you, understanding the differences between men and women can help a lot.

Over time I discovered slowly that men and women were different in many ways, especially in how we played and talked. I was raised in a family with three brothers and we did not have any close female cousins or women friends with which to interact, except for the girls we saw at school.

When my wife and I first started dating, we used to join friends for game nights. Now, men and women play games differently. The guys, including me, were all about winning and losing. We had this ritual opposition, where we'd trash talk and compete fiercely. We were conscious of our status—who was the best, who needed to improve. If one of us wasn’t good at a game, it was tough. The rules were everything to us, and we thrived on the conflict of the game.

My lady and her friends were all about ritual connection. She and her friends played games to create cooperative relationships. They'd share secrets, laugh together, and were more focused on the relationships than the rules of the game. Being an outcast was what they feared, not losing. Their games were centred around talking and sharing, not competing. They avoided open conflict and preferred harmony.

I slowly discovered that the way we used language was different too. I and my friends used language to challenge each other, to see who was up or down. We liked to take center stage and show our dominance. My lady and her friends, on the other hand, used language to cement relationships and promote harmony. They wanted to know if they were close or distant, and they avoided making anyone feel isolated.

Why am I posting this? It is because my grandson will be dating soon and it is important for him to understand and respect the differences of how women and men think and do things. Nodding for a man might mean 'Yes, I agree,' but for a woman, it might mean, 'Yes, I understand.' And while men might be okay with open challenges, women generally prefer harmony and would rather not have direct confrontations.

So, I want my grandson to listen more, be more understanding, and show involvement and caring. When he is dating, I want him to think out loud with her, ask for her opinions, and make sure she feels liked and respected.

As my grandson starts on his adventures with dating, I hope that he understands and respects the differences between men and women, If he does, then he can help build strong, lasting relationships. 

The Dog Days of Summer are upon us!

So, what does this quirky phrase mean?

The term “Dog Days” traditionally refers to a period of particularly hot and humid weather occurring during the summer months of July and August in the Northern Hemisphere.

"Dog Days bright and clear 

Indicate a happy year; 

But when accompanied by rain, 

For better times, our hopes are vain."

In ancient Greece and Rome, the Dog Days were believed to be a time of drought, bad luck, and unrest, when dogs and men alike would be driven mad by the extreme heat! Today, the phrase doesn’t conjure up such bad imagery. Instead, the Dog Days are associated purely with the time of summer’s peak temperatures and humidity.

This period of sweltering weather coincides with the year’s heliacal (meaning “at sunrise”) rising of Sirius, the Dog Star. Sirius is part of the constellation Canis Majoris—the “Greater Dog”—which is where Sirius gets its canine nickname, as well as its official name, Alpha Canis Majoris. Sirius is the brightest star in the sky, not including our own Sun.

In ancient Greece, Egypt, and Rome, it was believed that Sirius’s dawn rising in mid-to-late summer contributed to the extreme weather of the season. In other words, the “combined heat” of super-bright Sirius and our Sun was thought to be the cause of summer’s sweltering temperatures. The name “Sirius” even stems from the Ancient Greek seírios, meaning “scorching.”

For the ancient Egyptians, Sirius’s dawn rising (known to them as Sothis) also coincided with the Nile River’s flood season. They used the star as a “watchdog” for that event.

Of course, the appearance of Sirius does not actually affect seasonal weather here on Earth, but its appearance during the hottest part of summer ensures that the lore surrounding the star lives on today!

The exact dates of the Dog Days can vary from source to source, and because they are traditionally tied to the dawn rising of Sirius, they have changed over time. However, most sources agree that the Dog Days occur in mid-to-late summer. So over the next few weeks, I plan to post some whimsey to try and counter the dog days of summer.  To start, here are 10 jokes to bring some laughs and help deal with the heat during the Dog Days of Summer:

1. Why don't dogs make good dancers in the summer? Because they have two left feet and it’s too hot to boogie!
2. What did the hot dog say to the bun during the heatwave? "I relish these Dog Days of Summer!"
3. Why did the dog sit in the shade? Because it didn't want to become a hot dog!
4. How do dogs stay cool during the Dog Days of Summer? They fetch themselves some ice cream!
5. What’s a dog’s favourite summer treat? Pup-sicles!
6. Why was the dog a great lifeguard? Because he knew how to fetch anyone in trouble!
7. What do you call a dog who loves the beach? A sea-dog!
8. Why don't dogs play poker in the summer? Too many of them are sitting in the pool!
9. How do you know it’s the Dog Days of Summer? When even your dog refuses to go for a walk!
10. Why did the dog bring a fan to the park? To stay paw-sitively cool!

National Wiggle Your Toes Day

National Wiggle Your Toes Day, celebrated annually on August 6th, is a delightful reminder to appreciate the small joys in life. Last year on this day my friends and I gathered at the Beach in White Rock and as we do sometimes, we started to reminisce about our childhood summers spent barefoot. It was a hot day, and no one was paying attention to a bunch of old men, sitting with the sun casting a warm glow on our faces. 

Larry, who has vascular dementia, but is a sprightly seventy-something, recalled how he used to chase fireflies in the evenings, feeling the cool grass tickling his toes with every step. He smiles as he shares his story with the group, his eyes sparkling with the joy of those carefree days. Inspired by his tale, we decided to recreate some of these moments of youthful exuberance.

We kick off our shoes and wiggle our toes in the sand, laughing as they feel the sand beneath our feet. The sensation brings back a flood of memories for each of us/ I talk about how I used to walk across a pebble-strewn creek barefoot, the cool water rushing over my feet as I tried to keep my balance. Nine times out of ten I lost my balance, but the water felt good on a hot day.

To add to the fun, we organized a series of activities. We started with a simple game of footsie tag, where the "it" person had to tag others by touching their toes. Laughter filled the air as we tried to evade each other, we thought our movements agile and spirited, just like in our younger days. I cannot imagine what the crowd of young parents thought, but many of the younger children watched and seemed to be enchanted by our movements.

Next, we gathered in a circle for a toe-tapping musical session. Someone brings out a harmonica, and soon, we are tapping our toes to the rhythm of old-time tunes. The music transports us back to summer dances and family gatherings, where the joy of being together was the highlight.

As the afternoon progressed, we settled down for a moment of relaxation. Lying on picnic blankets, we closed our eyes and felt the grass between our toes, the warmth of the sun, and the gentle breeze. This simple act of connecting with nature reminded us of the beauty in life's small pleasures.

To conclude the celebration, we moved to one of the local pubs on the front and enjoyed some fresh fruit, beer and lemonade. We shared stories and memories, each tale richer than the last. We were not aware that we were celebrating National Wiggle Your Toes Day but when I found out it transformed the day in my heart to a beautiful journey back in time, a celebration of youth and the enduring joy found in the simplest of moments.

My hope is that National Wiggle Your Toes Day can also rekindle the magic of your youth, proving that no matter how many years go by, the spirit of adventure and playfulness remains timeless.

Our views on safety have changed.

 I watched some young parents fuss over their children the other day and started thinking about how our attitudes toward safety have changed. Here are some lighthearted and I hope humorous thoughts on this topic.

Safety was not a big thing when I was growing up. A seat belt was something that got in the way: 'Ma, the seat belt is digging into my back.' 'Stuff it down into the seat. And roll those windows up, you're letting the smoke out.

"In the 1950s, parents let their kids ride in the front seat without a seatbelt, holding a metal lunchbox, and bouncing over potholes. The biggest worry? If the milkshake would spill on the new upholstery!"

"In today's world, parents have safety concerns about their kids using smartphones. Not because they might drop them, but because the parents can't remember where they left their own phones!"

"Parents today won't let their kids ride a bike without a helmet, knee pads, and elbow pads. But they still struggle to get them to wear a hat in the winter!"

"In the past, parents worried about kids talking to strangers. Today, parents worry about kids chatting with strangers online, while the kids worry their parents will accidentally send an embarrassing emoji to the family group chat."

"Modern parents enforce strict screen time limits for their kids. Ironically, these limits are often set during the parents' own binge-watching sessions of their favourite TV series."

"Parents now schedule and supervise every playdate, ensuring a safe environment. Back in the day, playdates involved the neighbourhood kids running wild, and the only supervision was the parents yelling from the porch to come home for dinner."

"Parents today won't even start the car unless every kid is buckled into a NASA-approved car seat. Back then, my mom’s idea of safety was making sure the ashtray was emptied before we hit the road."

"Modern parents are obsessed with organic food. 'Mom, can I have a snack?' 'Only if it’s organic, gluten-free, and non-GMO.' Meanwhile, we grew up on a diet of sugary cereals and microwave dinners, and we turned out just fine... right?"

"Parents today are constantly changing the Wi-Fi password to control screen time. 'Mom, what's the new Wi-Fi password?' 'After you finish your homework.' Back in my day, the only password we needed was the one to unlock the bike chain."

"Parents now schedule and supervise every playdate to ensure safety and social skills. 'Mom, can Timmy come over?' 'I’ll need to check with his mom, coordinate schedules, and plan a healthy snack.' In the old days, a playdate was just whoever showed up at the door and hoped there were enough popsicles to go around."

Another set of Dad Jokes to round off the month

1.      What did the kid say when his mom asked him to eat his veggies? "Do I have to? They're so... green!"

2.      Why did the kid bring a ball to the park? He wanted to have a ball-istic time!

3.      What do you call a group of kids playing soccer in the park? A kick-tastic team!

4.      Why did the kid bring a book to the park? He wanted to have a page-turning adventure!

5.      What did the kid say when his mom asked him to take a nap? "Aww, do I have to? I'm not tired!"

6.      Why did the kid bring a bike to the park? He wanted to have a wheel-good time!

7.      What do you call a group of kids playing tag in the park? A chase-tastic game!

8.      Why did the kid bring a kite to the park? He wanted to have a high-flying time!

9.      What did the kid say when his mom asked him to eat his dinner? "Aww, do I have to? It's so... boring!"

10. Why did the kid bring a frisbee to the park? He wanted to have a flying good time!

11. What do you call a group of kids playing hide-and-seek in the park? A seek-tastic game!

12. Why did the kid bring a ball to the park? He wanted to have a ball-istic time!

13. What did the kid say when his mom asked him to take a bath? "Aww, do I have to? I'm not dirty!"

14. Why did the kid bring a book to the park? He wanted to have a page-turning adventure!

15. What do you call a group of kids playing soccer in the park? A kick-tastic team!

June Dad jokes

 Here are 15 "dad jokes" I hope you find them amusing.

1.      Why did the flower go to the party? Because it was a blooming good time!

2.      What did the bee say to the flower? "You're the bee's knees!"

3.      Why do flowers love Spring? Because it's a blooming beautiful season!

4.      What did the sun say to the Earth? "You're looking radiant today!"

5.      Why did the kid bring a ladder to the park? He wanted to take his playtime to new heights!

6.      What do you call a group of cats playing instruments in the park? A mew-sical band!

7.      Why did the kid bring a magnet to the beach? He wanted to attract some fun!

8.      What did the seagull say to the kid who lost his ice cream? "You're in a bit of a pickle, aren't you?"

9.      Why did the kid bring a kite to the park? He wanted to soar to new heights!

10. What do you call a bear with no socks on? Barefoot!

11. Why did the kid bring a water gun to the park? He wanted to have a splashing good time!

12. What did the kid say when his mom asked him to take out the trash? "Aww, do I have to?"

13. Why did the kid bring a frisbee to the park? He wanted to have a ball!

14. What do you call a group of ducks playing instruments in the park? A quack-tet!

15. Why did the kid bring a picnic basket to the park? He wanted to have a snack-tastic time!

I have not done

 My thanks to Jacquie for this. Grab a balloon for everything you HAVE NOT done! Just for fun!

Been divorced

Been to Disney Land

Skipped school

Been to Canada

Ridden in an ambulance

Been to Hawaii

Been to Las Vegas

Been to Texas

Visited Mexico

Been to the Bahamas

Seen the Grand Canyon in person

Flown in a helicopter

Been on a ferry boat

Sung in the rain

Been to California

Been in band in school

Sang in the school/church choir

Sung karaoke

Laughed so much you cried

Caught a snowflake on your tongue

Had/Have/Having children

Had a pet(s

Been skiing/sledding on a big hill

Rode on a motorcycle

Been to a drive-in movie

Rode an elephant or camel

Rode a Horse

Been on TV

Stayed in the hospital

Donated blood or plasma

Gotten a piercing

Driven a stick shift vehicle

Gotten a speeding ticket

Gotten stitches or staples

Traveled alone

Been zip lining

Been to another country

Shot a gun

Advice to a younger man, (a tongue in cheek post)

 I recently read a post on Facebook about the advice given to young men, back in 1933 about What a Young Man Should Know. A checklist for becoming a proper man, published in the March 1933 issue of Harper’s Magazine.

The writer, Robert Littell, details the abilities, skills, accomplishments, and extra-curricular proficiencies that every man should have if they are to become a self-sufficient and well-rounded human being, ready for life, and eventually, marriage and raising their own children. The learning starts from a very young age.

For what it is worth, here is a tongue in cheek,  updated version of the advice from 1933, tailored for today's values and expectations:

Physical Skills:

Learn basic swimming skills for safety and fitness, but also respect others' comfort in the water.

Understand car maintenance basics, like changing a tire and recognizing common issues.

Focus on self-defence techniques that suit you, whether it's traditional martial arts or modern self-defence methods.

Know how to handle emergencies in outdoor settings, from basic first aid to survival skills.

Self-Care and Empathy:

Develop cooking skills for independence and enjoyment, acknowledging that cooking is a valuable life skill regardless of gender.

Learn to take care of others in emergencies, such as administering first aid or helping someone in distress.

Cultivate empathy and emotional intelligence, recognizing the importance of mental health and well-being.

Practical Knowledge:

Gain proficiency in using tools for DIY projects and home repairs.

Focus on effective communication, both in writing and speaking, with a balance between handwritten notes and digital communication.

Understand financial literacy, including budgeting, investing basics, and responsible consumption.

Hobbies and Interests:

Explore outdoor activities and sports that you enjoy, emphasizing personal fulfillment over societal expectations.

Develop a hobby or artistic skill, such as playing a musical instrument or engaging in creative pursuits.

Cultivate a love for learning, whether it's through language study, travel experiences, or exploring new cultures.

Social Skills and Citizenship:

Practice public speaking and effective communication in various settings.

Engage in community involvement and advocacy for causes you believe in, promoting active citizenship.

Foster adaptability and resilience, embracing change and growth opportunities.

This updated advice reflects a more inclusive and holistic approach to personal development, focusing on skills that are relevant and meaningful in today's diverse and dynamic world.

In the 1930s, advice regarding women often reflected traditional gender roles and expectations. However, modern values have shifted significantly, promoting equality, respect, and consent in relationships.

Respect and Equality:

In the past, advice may have emphasized chivalry and protection as central to interactions with women.

Today, the focus is on mutual respect, recognizing women as equals in all aspects of life, including work, relationships, and decision-making.

Communication and Consent:

Earlier advice may have overlooked the importance of clear communication and enthusiastic consent in relationships.

Modern advice stresses the importance of open communication, active listening, and obtaining consent in all interactions, especially in romantic and intimate relationships.

Supporting Independence:

Traditional advice might have encouraged men to be providers and protectors, often overshadowing women's autonomy and aspirations.

Contemporary advice promotes supporting women's independence, ambitions, and personal growth, fostering equal partnerships based on mutual support and encouragement.

Embracing Diversity:

Past advice often conformed to narrow stereotypes of femininity, excluding the diverse experiences and identities of women.

Current advice emphasizes embracing diversity, respecting individual differences, and advocating for inclusivity and equality for women of all backgrounds.

Rejecting Objectification:

Earlier guidance might have inadvertently perpetuated objectification of women, focusing on superficial attributes or roles.

Today, there is a strong emphasis on rejecting objectification, valuing women for their talents, intellect, and character, rather than solely their appearance or societal roles.

These shifts in advice reflect broader societal changes towards promoting gender equality, respect, and inclusivity, fostering healthier and more fulfilling relationships between men and women.

 

North of 70

 I have no idea who put this together, but it is wonderful, especially if you’re North of 70!

Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,

Before the days of Dylan , or the dawn of Camelot.

There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me.

For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born,

Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.

We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince,

Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since.

We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee'

And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me.

Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many,

And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney.

And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see

A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice,

And when they made a movie, they never made it twice.

We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three,

Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me, Me.

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp,

And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp.

We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T,

And Oprah couldn't talk yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go,

At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.

For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be,

And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead,

And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson , and Zeppelins were not Led.

And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees,

Madonna was Mary in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars,

And babies might be bottle-fed, but they were not grown in jars.

And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free,

And dorms were never co-Ed in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag,

And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.

And hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea,

And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me, Me.

T-Birds came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks,

And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks.

And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,

And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me.

We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues,

We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea

Or prime-time ads for those dysfunctions in the Land That Made Me, Me.

There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill,

And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill

And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three,

And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me.

But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say,

And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A.

They send us invitations to join AARP,

We've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me, Me.

So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans,

And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines.

And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be,

Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me.

If you didn't grow up in the fiftys,

You missed the greatest time in history,

Hope you enjoyed this read as much as I did.

Some humour about trying to quit smoking

 I hope these jokes bring a smile and a reminder that quitting smoking, while challenging, can also have moments of humour and triumph!

1.      Why did the guy trying to quit smoking start telling jokes? Because laughter is the best distraction from cravings!

2.      Quitting smoking is like trying to find a needle in a haystack, except the needle is a non-smoking life and the haystack is a mountain of cigarette packs.

3.      Did you hear about the smoker who tried to quit cold turkey? It didn't work because the turkey kept asking for a smoke break.

4.      Why did the cigarette go to therapy? It was trying to find a healthier coping mechanism!

5.      Quitting smoking is like playing a game of hide and seek with your willpower. Sometimes it's hiding in plain sight, and other times it's nowhere to be found!

6.      Why did the ex-smoker become a gardener? Because they wanted to plant seeds of health instead of tobacco leaves!

7.      What do you call a group of ex-smokers? A puff-less posse!

8.      Why don't smokers ever win at poker? Because they always fold before the game even starts!

9.      Quitting smoking is like breaking up with a bad habit. You have to go through withdrawal, but you'll feel better in the long run.

10. Why did the cigarette cross the road? To get to the "other side" of health and wellness!

11. How do you know when a smoker is serious about quitting? When they start counting the days since their last cigarette like it's a high score!

12. Why did the doctor prescribe laughter to smokers trying to quit? Because it's the best medicine for cravings!

13. What's a smoker's favourite song when they decide to quit? "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor!

14. Why did the smoker switch to vaping? Because they wanted a cloud of vapor, not a clouded future!

 

Global Retirement Outlawed Due to Workforce Shortage Crisis

In an unexpected turn of events, governments around the world have come together to address a looming global crisis — the shortage of workers. In a move that has left many in disbelief, retirement has been officially outlawed, effective immediately.

World leaders gathered at an emergency summit, and declared that the drastic measure was necessary to combat the growing problem of an aging workforce and a decline in the number of available workers. The decision was met with mixed reactions, as millions of individuals who were planning to retire in the near future are now faced with the prospect of continuing to work indefinitely.

The new policy, named the "Forever Employment Act," mandates that anyone reaching retirement age must remain in the workforce to ensure the stability and growth of their respective economies. Governments argue that this measure is essential to prevent economic collapse and maintain the production levels needed to sustain their societies.

In an official statement, the United Nations Secretary-General expressed the urgency of the situation, stating, "We are facing an unprecedented challenge that requires bold and unconventional solutions. By outlawing retirement, we aim to ensure that every individual contributes to the global effort, creating a world where no one is left behind."

Social media has exploded with reactions ranging from shock to outrage. Many people took to X to express their disbelief and frustration, using hashtags such as #RetirementRevolt and #ForeverYoungProtest. Memes and gifs depicting elderly individuals chained to their desks in protest have gone viral, adding a touch of humour to an otherwise sombre situation.

Employers are adjusting to the new reality by implementing flexible schedules, wellness programs, and "senior-friendly" workspaces to accommodate the older workforce. Retirement communities are transforming into co-working spaces, and cruise ships are being repurposed as floating offices for those who prefer a change of scenery while continuing to work.

While some experts argue that this drastic measure may have unintended consequences, such as a potential decline in productivity due to burnout among the elderly workforce, governments remain steadfast in their commitment to the "Forever Employment Act." Only time will tell how this bold move will reshape the global workforce and the concept of retirement as we know it.

They are out there...

 This is a post that I posted a few years ago, but it was posted on another blog. The author said that he found it on the Internet, I found it via email but the reality is that these people walk among us and they vote.

I was at the McDonald’s Drive Thru and gave the cashier a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25¢. She said, “You gave me too much money.” I replied, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.”

She sighed and got the manager. Heo asked me to repeat my request. I did so. He handed me back the 25¢, and said, “Sorry, but we don’t do that kind of thing.” The cashier then gave me 75¢ in change.

We had to have the garage door repaired. The technician told us the motor on the opener was not large enough. I thought for a moment and said that it was 1/2 horsepower, which is common.

He shook his head and said, “You need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He replied, “No, four is larger than two.”

We have not used that repair person since.

I live in a semi-rural area. Recently, a new neighbor asked the city to remove the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing.”

My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco. She asked the clerk for minimal lettuce. He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

I was checking in at the airport when a security employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?”

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a co-worker. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “Why on earth are blind people driving?’ She is a government employee.

When my wife and I arrived to get our car after service, a dealership person said our keys had been locked inside the vehicle.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

I said to the technician, “Hey, it’s open!” His reply, “I know. I already did that side.”

STAY ALERT! They walk among us!