How to know if you are growing older

• Everything hurts and what does not hurt does not work
• The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
• You feel like the night before and you have not been anywhere.
• Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
• You get winded playing chess.
• Your children begin to look middle-aged.
• You finally reach the top of the ladder and you find it is leaning against the wrong wall
• You join a health club and do not go
• You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
• You decide to procrastinate but never set around to it
• Your mind makes contracts your body cannot meet.
• A dripping faucet causes uncontrollable bladder urges.
• You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
• You look forward to a dull evening,
• You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals.
• Your favorite part of the newspaper is Twenty-five Years Ago Today
• You turn out the light for economic rather than romantic ·reasons.
• You sit in a rocking chair and cannot get it going.
• Your knees buckle but your belt will not
• You regret all those temptations you resisted.
• You are 17 around the neck, 44 around the waist, and 105 around the golf course.
• You stop looking forward to your next birthday.
• After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat
• Dialing long distance wears you out.
• You are startled the first time someone calls you Old Timer.
• You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary 
• You just cannot stand people who are intolerant
• The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.
• You burn the midnight oil after 9:00 p.m.
• Your back goes out more often than you do.
• A fortune-teller offers to read your face.
• Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl walk by
• The little old gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife
• You get all your exercise being pallbearers for your friends who exercise.
• You have too much room in your house arid not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
• You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.