Tuesday, July 5, 2016

How to know if you are growing older

  • Everything hurts and what does not hurt does not work
  • The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
  • You feel like the night before and you have not been anywhere.
  • Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
  • You get winded playing chess.
  • Your children begin to look middle-aged.
  • You finally reach the top of the ladder and you find it is leaning against the wrong wall
  • You join a health club and do not go
  • You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
  • You decide to procrastinate but never set around to it
  • Your mind makes contracts your body cannot meet.
  • A dripping faucet causes uncontrollable bladder urges.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
  • You look forward to a dull evening,
  • You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals.
  • Your favorite part of the newspaper is Twenty-five Years Ago Today
  • You turn out the light for economic rather than romantic ·reasons.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and cannot get it going.
  • Your knees buckle but your belt will not
  • You regret all those temptations you resisted.
  • You are 17 around the neck, 44 around the waist, and 105 around the golf course.
  • You stop looking forward to your next birthday.
  • After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat
  • Dialing long distance wears you out.
  • You are startled the first time someone calls you Old Timer.
  • You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary 
  • You just cannot stand people who are intolerant
  • The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.
  • You burn the midnight oil after 9:00 p.m.
  • Your back goes out more often than you do.
  • A fortune-teller offers to read your face.
  • Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl walk by
  • The little old gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife
  • You get all your exercise being pallbearers for your friends who exercise.
  • You have too much room in your house arid not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. 

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