Thursday, October 27, 2016

Some dark humour for dark times

I went to the thirtieth reunion of my preschool. I didn't want   to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

Every time I sit down to try to take a dump, I start reading the newspaper and end up forgetting to do my business. I think I might have Attention Defecate Disorder.

Tampax Launches a New Ad Campaign: "We're Not #1! But We're Way Up There!

Upon taking a seat at the bar, the exec noticed that each stool had a number painted on it. Sitting next to him was a rather depressed-looking gentleman and an attractive young woman who was obviously enjoying herself. The newcomer turned toward the unhappy fellow and asked if he knew the purpose of the numbers. "Sure," the guy said. "Every half hour, the bartender spins a wheel and whoever has the winning seat gets to go upstairs for the wild sex orgy they have up there." "That's terrific!" exclaimed the surprised customer. "Have you won?" "Not yet," the man said, miserably, "but my date has, four times in a row!"

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end  of the bench. 
After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?' 
He replies, 'I lived here years ago.' 
'So, where were you all these years?' 
'In prison,' he says. 
'Why did they put you in prison?' 
He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.' 
'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!' 

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