Monday, February 6, 2017
Buying a gift for a man
Looking for gift ideas for Valentine's Day, look no further. Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these RULES and you should have no problem:
#1. When in doubt buy him a cordless drill. It doesn't matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
#2. If you cannot afford the above, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey, George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "Okay, by the way are you through with my 3/8 socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
#3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear-view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars.
#4. Do not buy men socks. DO NOT BUY MEN TIES. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he would not have invented jockey shorts.
#6. Do not buy a man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.
#7. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks, there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks, shorts, cups, saucers, door, locks, sink" You get the idea.
#8. Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the instructions because the box says, "some assembly required," because it will ruin his Special Day. He will always have parts left over.
#9. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook & but they will bar-b-que. Get him a monster bar-b-que with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill!" The challenge! Who wants a hamburger.
#10. Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why, please refer to Rule #7(remember what happens when he gets a label maker.)
#11. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminium extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder.
#12. Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says, "I love you," like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.