The merging of two families through marriage is never easy, as each side wants to put on a good face to the other. The bride and groom may at times be aware of the tensions, and over time there is acceptance of the families to the new circumstances. But at the beginning, there are challenges as each side gets to know each other.
At my Nephews wedding, my brother was talking to the new-in-laws and the bride's father was asking about our family and our history. Earlier the bride's father had been talking about his history, where he had grown up and some of the events that happened to him as he was growing up, and possibly bragging a bit. My brother not to be outdone shared some family stories about the elementary school we had gone to and some of the things we had done while we were young. Most of the events were positive but one was not, but the end result was positive. My brother told this story about when he was in grade 5 and I was in grade 6
We like many lived and grew up in a tough community, the claim to fame of the generation that was a few years older than us was how long they had been in jail for ane what crime they had committed. By the time we had moved into the community, this claim to fame was not seen by the people of my age as a badge of honour, so the times they were a-changing.
We were the new kids in our community and it was a closed community which meant that the hierarchy of power had been long established at the school. Power was shifted by the only means known to us as children at the time, which was physical prowess and battle. As the oldest, I was faced with the task of finding our position in the hierarchy. So by the end of the first year, I and my brothers were settled in and had found our level of acceptance which was near the top of the hierarchy.
A year later, new family moved in and the power struggle erupted again, except this time the new kid was a bully and he took it upon himself to beat up the younger children but he liked to fight anyone, kids younger than him, guys older or the same age as him. He won some and lost many, but he continued to fight and there was no resolution.
In the early and late fifties, parents were not involved with children as much as they are today, so as children we were left to figure it out and to solve the problem. So as the fighting became more fierce and the bully ended up in the hospital. After he ended up in the hospital, I decided to befriend him as I thought if we continue to fight someone will be more badly hurt.
I started inviting him to our house after school and talking to him and listening and he responded. I am not sure if it was because in our physical confrontations we were about equal or because he needed a friend. My brothers telling the story said that he was (at the time) really upset with me but I was stubborn, the oldest and that meant I got my way. I continued to invite him to our house and slowly the bully changed and a balance was restored in our school community. The bully and his family moved away about six months later and I saw him again when I was in high school and we were still friendly.
So after telling this story to the bride's father, I could see him shaking his head and wondering what kind of family did his daughter marry into, but after sharing some more positive aspects of our family I think he relaxed.
At my Nephews wedding, my brother was talking to the new-in-laws and the bride's father was asking about our family and our history. Earlier the bride's father had been talking about his history, where he had grown up and some of the events that happened to him as he was growing up, and possibly bragging a bit. My brother not to be outdone shared some family stories about the elementary school we had gone to and some of the things we had done while we were young. Most of the events were positive but one was not, but the end result was positive. My brother told this story about when he was in grade 5 and I was in grade 6
We like many lived and grew up in a tough community, the claim to fame of the generation that was a few years older than us was how long they had been in jail for ane what crime they had committed. By the time we had moved into the community, this claim to fame was not seen by the people of my age as a badge of honour, so the times they were a-changing.
We were the new kids in our community and it was a closed community which meant that the hierarchy of power had been long established at the school. Power was shifted by the only means known to us as children at the time, which was physical prowess and battle. As the oldest, I was faced with the task of finding our position in the hierarchy. So by the end of the first year, I and my brothers were settled in and had found our level of acceptance which was near the top of the hierarchy.
A year later, new family moved in and the power struggle erupted again, except this time the new kid was a bully and he took it upon himself to beat up the younger children but he liked to fight anyone, kids younger than him, guys older or the same age as him. He won some and lost many, but he continued to fight and there was no resolution.
In the early and late fifties, parents were not involved with children as much as they are today, so as children we were left to figure it out and to solve the problem. So as the fighting became more fierce and the bully ended up in the hospital. After he ended up in the hospital, I decided to befriend him as I thought if we continue to fight someone will be more badly hurt.
I started inviting him to our house after school and talking to him and listening and he responded. I am not sure if it was because in our physical confrontations we were about equal or because he needed a friend. My brothers telling the story said that he was (at the time) really upset with me but I was stubborn, the oldest and that meant I got my way. I continued to invite him to our house and slowly the bully changed and a balance was restored in our school community. The bully and his family moved away about six months later and I saw him again when I was in high school and we were still friendly.
So after telling this story to the bride's father, I could see him shaking his head and wondering what kind of family did his daughter marry into, but after sharing some more positive aspects of our family I think he relaxed.
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