THINGS T0 PONDER
1.
I talk to myself,
because sometimes I need expert help.
2.
I don't need help
with my anger, people just have to stop pissing me off.
3.
There is nothing
wrong with my social behavior. It’s the idiots that are to blame.
4.
The biggest lie I
tell myself is ‘I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it’.
5.
When I was
little, I saw taking a nap was a punishment. Now I see it as a mini-holiday
6.
Not even duct
tape helps with stupidity, but it does help to muffle the sound.
7.
Wouldn't it be
wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out three
sizes smaller?
8.
"Getting
lucky" means entering a room and remembering what I went in for.
9. If the No. 2
pencil is the most popular, why is it still No. 2?
10.
Why do we press
harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
11.
Why are you
"in" a movie, but “on” TV?
12.
What was the best
thing BEFORE sliced bread?
13.
Why do we drive
on parkways & park on driveways?
14.
Why do "fat
chance" &. "slim chance" mean the same thing?
15.
Why do British
people never sound British when they sing?
16.
At a movie
theatre, which arm rest is yours?
17.
When does it stop
being partly cloudy & start being partly sunny?
18.
When French
people swear do, they say "Pardon my English?”
19.
Why do people say
“heads up" when you should duck?
19.
Remember these sayings when
we were young and coming up with ways to say goodbye in a funny way.
1.
See You Later, Alligator
a.
IN A WHILE,
CROCODILE.
2.
Out the door
dinosaur.
3.
CHOP CHOP.
LOLLIPOP
4.
See you Soon,
Baboon.
5.
TAKE CARE POLAR
BEAR.
6.
Give a Hug,
Ladybug.
7.
IN AN HOUR,
SUNFLOWER.
a.
Maybe two,
kangaroo,
8.
BETTER SWISH,
JELLYFISH
9.
Chow Chow, Brown
Cow
10.
BETTER SHAKE,
RATTLESNAKE
11.
Bye, Bye,
Butterfly
12.
GOTTA GO, BUFFALO
13.
Let's jam, Sam.
14.
BLOW A KISS,
GOLDFISH
15.
Be Sweet,
Parakeet.
.
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