Birds of a feather flock together and poop on your car.
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Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
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The following are some classic written excuses given to teachers in the Alburquerque public school system:
"Please excuse Dianne from being absent yeaterday. She was in bed with gramps."
"Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault."
"Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side."
"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face."
"Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor."
"Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over."
"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him."
"Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part."
"My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines."
"Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip."
"Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."
"Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore
throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night."
"Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating."
"George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach."
"Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout."
"Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."
"Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals."
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This is sad but true............
If you speak three languages, you're trilingual.
If you speak two languages, you're bilingual.
If you speak one language, you're American
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When a blonde finally got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked, how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, "...and upon rising the coffee is ready!"
A few weeks later the blonde was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker.
"Wonderful!" she replied, "However, there's one thing I don't understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"
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