Some idle thoughts on a Wednesday

Why do they give you a watch when you retire when it's the first time in your life you really don't care what time it is?

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid.

For every person with a spark of genius, there are a hundred with ignition trouble.

God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers

Love isn't only blind, it's also deaf and dumb!

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The patient said, "Give me the good news."

"They're going to name a disease after you."

True.

At first glance, it's just your average, innocent cookie tin. But upon closer inspection, you'll notice an image that's not so clean - a hidden drawing of two dogs having sex in the grass. Unaware that an angry employee had hidden sexually explicit images in the scene of a 20th-century illustration of a genteel picnic, biscuit makers Huntley & Palmers sold thousands of these cookie tins. The artist, who was not identified, had been fired from the cookie company and decided to get back at his employers with this final project. He included the small picture of the canines in the act as well as a pair of naked lovers.  The dirty tins have now become collectors' items and Lawrence’s Auctioneers in Somerset, England, hopes that collectors bid 250 pounds ($446) when one of the tins goes on sale.

I bought a package of low-fat cookies that had 50% more cookies in the box than usual, so if I ate the whole box, I would gain more weight than if it was a regular size box of cookies. They should call these types of cookies "Hi-Fats" cause that's what everyone's going to say when I walk into the room.

And finally 

Why is it that the easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.