Humour time

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her,

What day is tomorrow?"

Without skipping a beat, she said,

"It's Presidents Day! “

She's smart, so I asked her "What does Presidents Day mean?"

I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush, or Clinton, etc. She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bullshit."

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.

Things I'm Super Good At

Running. Late, that is.

Forgetting someone's name two minutes after they tell me.

Making plans...then regretting making plans.

Thinking of a great comeback — an hour later.

Digging through the trash for the food box I just threw away, because I already forgot the directions.

Adding items to online carts & then deleting.

Eating other people's French fries on the way home from the drive-thru.

Googling my ailments. Then panicking.

Forgetting about the laundry — until I'm in bed.

Calculating how much sleep I'll get if I can just "fall asleep right now".

Mumbling the name part during a rendition of "Happy Birthday"

Lowering the music on your car stereo so I can see better

Searching for my phone while holding it in my hand.

Looking for my glasses which are sitting on my head.

Seeing an outrageous price on something at a store and pretending I am still considering it.

Secretly diagnosing everybody in the waiting room at my doctor's office

Ignoring an email for weeks, then writing back and saying, "Somehow this ended up in my spam folder".

Pretending I am in a movie while listening to music on headphones and walking down the street.

Being extra chatty with airport security for good travel karma.

Offering some truly transparent fake laughter, because I have no idea what was just said, but everyone is laughing.

Bringing a book to the beach and not actually reading it.

Overthinking eye contact.

Carrying way too much from your car so I can "make it in one trip".

Finally, taking out my phone to check the time, then getting distracted by it and totally forgetting what time it is