Puns for fun

As I put my car into reverse, I thought to myself, “This takes me back”

I asked my cat, “what’s two minus two” He said nothing

You can’t run through a cap site you can only ran, because its past tents

Every time I leave the house I keep getting followed by a bird with long legs. I think I am being storked.

At a job interview, I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little.

“Nervous?” Asked the interviewer, “No I always give 110%”

I recently took a pole and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

How did the hamburger introduce her girlfriend? Meat Patty!

What do you call a bulletproof Irishman? Rick O’Shea

Why did the gardener never want to leave?

Because it was the only place, he’d ever mowned.

I have decided that from the start of next week I am going to dress as a different kind of bread every day

Roll on Monday

I am going to have my spine removed. All it does is hold me back

I just got a job making plastic Dracula’s. There are only two of us on the production line. So, I have to make every second count.

  

Someone asked if I was Russian, I said: “I’m not, I’m taking my time.”

99.9% of people are idiots. Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people.

Someone broke into my house and stole a limbo stick. How low can you go?

Most people write “congrats” because they don’t the spelling of “congrajulashions”

I broke one of my fingers at work today, On the other hand, everything is OK.

If a dentist makes a mistake….is it acciDENTAL?

What do you call a girl who sets fire to bank loans?

Bernadette

What do you call a goat that acts immaturely? A silly billy.

What do you call a magician that has lost his magic? Ian

What ‘s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint