Venison for dinner again? Oh, deer!
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typ-O.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
When chemists die, they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!
I call my horse, Mayo. Sometimes Mayo Neighs!
I swallowed a dictionary, it gave me thesaurus throat ever.
Where do you take someone who is injured in a “Peek a Boo” contest? The ICU.
I was struck by a bottle of Omega 3 oil. Lucky for me, my wounds were only Super Fish Oil.
Nothing comes easy in life, even Santa comes with a Clause.
Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.
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