“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” –
Albert Einstein
“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” – Ambrose Bierce
“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that
money is desperately needed for political ads.” – Andy Borowitz
“At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who
want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married
to each other.” – Ann Landers
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m
right.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
“Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are
already born?” – Benny Hill
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere
in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave
it.” – Buddy Hackett
“My favourite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea
“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” –
Casey Stengel
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.” – Dave Barry
“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.” –
Edward Abbey
“How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.” – Emo
Philips
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die
past that age.” – George Burns
“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter,
hurried away.” – Benjamin Franklin
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