'' Cancel its credit card!
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending!
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would
be a foot!
How does a rancher keep track of his cattle? With a
cow-culator!
Why did the fish get bad grades? Because it was below sea
level!
What’s a bear with no teeth called? A gummy bear!
Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? He was a little
shellfish!
How do you impress a female baker? Bring her flours!
What kind of cheese isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
How do you make a Swiss roll? Push him down a mountain!
What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music!
What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a
tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
How many lips does a flower have? Tu-lips!
How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eyes!
Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes things
personally!
What job did the frog have at the hotel? Bellhop!
What do you call a group of unorganized cats? Cat-astrophe!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got
a hole in one!
Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was
always lost at C!
What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel!
What do you call a
man that irons clothes? Iron Man!
How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!
What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain!
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee
before it was cool!
What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away? A receding
hare line!
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
Where does the electric cord go to shop? The outlet mall, of
course!
What did the football coach say to the broken vending
machine? “Give me my quarterback!”
Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle? Because he’s
always lion!
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans
left!
When does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn!
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