Don't mess with farmers

 A young man named Joe bought a horse from a farmer for $250. 

The farmer agreed to deliver the horse within the next few days. A couple of days later, the farmer drove up to Joe's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died." 

Joe replied, "Well, then just give me my money back." 

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I've spent it already." 

Joe said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse." 

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with it?" 

Joe said, "I'm going to raffle him off." 

The farmer said, "You can't flog a dead horse!" 

Joe said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." 

A month later, the farmer met up with Joe and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?" 

Joe said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $5 apiece and made a profit of $2495." 

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?" 

Joe said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $5 back."

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. 

The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. 

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. 

The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally, the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. 

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" 

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself because that bull came home this morning."

https://www.ba-bamail.com/jokes/lawyer-jokes/?jokeid=1261