Men Are Just Happier People!

 So, this is for all the women who have a sense of humor and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

Men Are Just Happier People!

·        What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.

·        The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

·        Chocolate is just another snack.

·        You can never be pregnant.

·        You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

·        Car mechanics tell you the truth.

·        The world is your urinal.

·        You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.

·        You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 

·        Wrinkles add character.

·        Wedding dress - $5,000. Wedding suit rental - $100.

·        People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

·        New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

·        One mood all the time.

·        Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

·        You know stuff about tanks.

·        A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

·        You can open all your own jars.

·        You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

·        If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

·        Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

·        Two pairs of shoes are more than enough.

·        You almost never have strap problems in public.

·        You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

·        Everything on your face stays its original color.

·        The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

·        You only have to shave your face and neck.

·        You can play with toys all your life.

·        One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons.

·        You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

·        You can 'do' your nails with a pocket-knife.

·        You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. 

·        You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAMES

·        If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate, and Sarah.

·        If Mike, Dave, and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wildman.

EATING OUT

·        When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

·        When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators or smart phones.

MONEY

·        A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

·        A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

·        A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

·        The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.    A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

·        A woman has the last word in any argument.

·        Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

·        A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

·        A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

·        A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

·        A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

·        A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the rubbish, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

·        A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

·        Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

·        Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

·        Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

·        A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

·        A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!