Viv la difference

 I have never understood women and only went on dates once I was in my second year of university. I was lucky to meet a lady who I have been with for over fifty years and let me tell you, understanding the differences between men and women can help a lot.

Over time I discovered slowly that men and women were different in many ways, especially in how we played and talked. I was raised in a family with three brothers and we did not have any close female cousins or women friends with which to interact, except for the girls we saw at school.

When my wife and I first started dating, we used to join friends for game nights. Now, men and women play games differently. The guys, including me, were all about winning and losing. We had this ritual opposition, where we'd trash talk and compete fiercely. We were conscious of our status—who was the best, who needed to improve. If one of us wasn’t good at a game, it was tough. The rules were everything to us, and we thrived on the conflict of the game.

My lady and her friends were all about ritual connection. She and her friends played games to create cooperative relationships. They'd share secrets, laugh together, and were more focused on the relationships than the rules of the game. Being an outcast was what they feared, not losing. Their games were centred around talking and sharing, not competing. They avoided open conflict and preferred harmony.

I slowly discovered that the way we used language was different too. I and my friends used language to challenge each other, to see who was up or down. We liked to take center stage and show our dominance. My lady and her friends, on the other hand, used language to cement relationships and promote harmony. They wanted to know if they were close or distant, and they avoided making anyone feel isolated.

Why am I posting this? It is because my grandson will be dating soon and it is important for him to understand and respect the differences of how women and men think and do things. Nodding for a man might mean 'Yes, I agree,' but for a woman, it might mean, 'Yes, I understand.' And while men might be okay with open challenges, women generally prefer harmony and would rather not have direct confrontations.

So, I want my grandson to listen more, be more understanding, and show involvement and caring. When he is dating, I want him to think out loud with her, ask for her opinions, and make sure she feels liked and respected.

As my grandson starts on his adventures with dating, I hope that he understands and respects the differences between men and women, If he does, then he can help build strong, lasting relationships.