Lexophiles may love the following as each to his/her own..

 I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger... then it hit me.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

I bought a boat because it was on sail.

I once worked at a calendar factory but got fired for taking a few days off.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.

I told my carpenter friend not to drill too deeply; he found it boring.

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh, deer! 

 A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

 I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. 

 Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

 England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 

 I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. 

 They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo. 

 I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now. 

 Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. 

 I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. 

 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. 

 This girl said that she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore. 

 When chemists die, they barium. 

 I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down. 

 I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. 

 Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. 

 I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

 Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils? 

 When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. 

 Broken pencils are pointless. 

 What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus. 

 I dropped out of the Communism Class because of lousy Marx. 

  All the toilets in the Kaiapoi police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on. 

 I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

 Velcro … what a rip-off!

 Don’t worry about old age … it doesn’t last long.