Building Friendships in Retirement—Understanding the Foundations 1

I live on the outskirts of Vancouver and might know the city's reputation for being friendly but reserved. Many newcomers describe it as a place where forming deeper connections can be challenging. It’s a sentiment that resonates across Canada, especially as adults and seniors find themselves in new life stages where making friends doesn’t come as easily as it did in school days.

But why is it harder to make friends as we age? One explanation is the three key pillars of friendship: proximity, shared life experiences, and energy.

The Three Pillars of Friendship

Proximity refers to how physically close you are to others. When you live near someone or see them regularly, such as a neighbour, you're more likely to develop a friendship. For example, college dorm studies show students living across the hall have a 90% chance of becoming friends, while those at opposite ends of the dorm have only a 10% chance.

Shared life experiences, or "life cycle timing," is another essential pillar. Think back to your school years—you and your peers moved through life together. From classrooms to shared milestones like exams, sports, and parties, you were aligned in your life journey.

Finally, energy is the glue that binds these pillars together. It reflects shared enthusiasm for activities or interests, whether it's cheering for a sports team, dancing, or simply enjoying a regular coffee outing.

As young adults, these pillars align naturally. But in our late 20s and beyond, life begins to scatter us. Careers, marriages, children, and moves all challenge the stability of these connections. By retirement, the situation can feel even more fragmented.

Why Seniors Struggle to Form Friendships

For seniors, the barriers to making friends can feel even higher. Proximity might shrink as we become less mobile or live alone. Energy for activities may diminish due to health concerns. Shared life experiences can also feel out of sync—perhaps one senior is managing a chronic illness or caring for a spouse, while another is focused on leisure activities or grandchildren.

This loss of connection isn’t just emotional; it can affect your health, too. Studies have shown that loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of conditions like heart disease, stroke, and even dementia. Seniors with strong social ties, however, often enjoy better physical and mental health, longer lives, and more positive outlooks.

Understanding these pillars and their challenges is the first step toward fostering new friendships in retirement. The good news is that there are many ways to rebuild these connections, and you don’t have to do it alone.