The Secret to Being Liked Isn’t What You Think

Let’s get something out of the way right now:

Being liked isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room, having the most stories, or showing off the longest list of accomplishments.

It’s about how you make other people feel when they’re around you.

And here’s the secret: People are drawn to people who make them feel seen, heard, and respected.

This may seem like common sense, but even among seniors with decades of life behind them, this truth often gets lost, especially in new social situations where nerves, ego, or habit can take over.

Let’s dig into how we can flip the script, from trying to impress people to actually connecting with them.

1. Drop the Resume

Yes, you’ve had a fascinating life. Yes, you’ve been successful. Yes, your grandkids are amazing, and your garden is the envy of the neighborhood.

But if every conversation circles back to your own victories, you might be coming across more as a walking résumé than a potential friend.

Instead of impressing people, try expressing interest in them.

• Ask follow-up questions.
• Be curious about their opinions.
• Remember what they say and bring it up later.

Trust me: people will think you’re charming, wise, and delightful… not because you told them, but because you listened to them.

2. Be a Mirror, Not a Megaphone

Want to be liked instantly? Reflect people’s best selves back to them.

That doesn’t mean flattery. It means picking up on people’s values, stories, and strengths, and responding with:

• “That’s a great point.”
• “I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thanks for sharing.”
• “Sounds like you really care about this.”

It’s human nature, we like people who like us. And we’re drawn to people who seem genuinely interested in what we say, not just waiting for their turn to talk.

3. Give the Gift of Presence

Put away the phone. Make eye contact. Nod. Smile. Use people’s names.

These tiny actions are the building blocks of genuine rapport.

In board meetings, social clubs, or even casual get-togethers, people remember how you made them feel. Were you present and warm, or distracted and half-interested? Did you make space for them, or compete for attention?

Being present doesn’t require great eloquence. It just means being there, fully, with your focus on the person in front of you.

4. Stay Humble, and Human

Here’s a little truth that may sting:
If people feel that you're always “the expert,” they’ll stop opening up.

Vulnerability builds connection.
It’s okay to say:

• “I’m still figuring this out.”
• “That didn’t go how I expected.”
• “What would you do in this situation?”

When you let others know that you don’t have all the answers and that you value their insights, you invite trust. And trust is the root of any good friendship.

5. The Likeability Litmus Test

Not sure how you’re coming across? Watch what happens after you speak.

Do people build on your point, or change the subject?
Do they include you in side conversations, or move on without you?
Do they seek you out for input, or avoid eye contact when you raise your hand?

Sometimes, what we think is strong communication is actually off-putting. But don’t despair, adjustments can be made.

Ask a trusted friend (gently) how you’re doing. “Do I come across as open, or a bit much?” “Do I dominate without realizing?” You might be surprised by how helpful their observations can be.

Final Thought

The real secret to being liked?
Make people feel that they matter.

Not in a manipulative way. Not to win points. But because they do matter.
Every person in your circle, your committee, or your community wants the same thing you do: connection, respect, and a sense of belonging.

When you give that freely, it almost always comes back around.