Why Is Making Friends So Hard (Even When You’re Over 70)?

One of the people on my board is not well-regarded by many other board members. After a conversation with a board member about this person, I decided to look at the issue of why some seniors have trouble making friends, fitting in and finding their place. I hope you enjoy the series.

It’s one of life’s odd little truths: making friends can get harder as we get older, not easier. You’d think that with seven decades of life experience, people skills would come naturally. But here you are, perhaps feeling a bit like the new kid at school again, except this time without recess or a soccer team to break the ice.

Let’s be honest: many seniors, even the most accomplished ones, find it tough to form new friendships or feel fully accepted in group settings. Maybe you’ve recently retired, moved to a new community, or joined a local club or volunteer board, and while the people are friendly enough, something feels just a bit off. You want to fit in. You want to be liked. But it’s not clicking. Why?

The Quiet Truth: Social Circles Shrink

In our younger years, social networks tend to build themselves. School, work, parenting, and sports all force us into contact with others. We didn’t have to work too hard at meeting people; they came with the territory. But as we age, life takes a turn. Careers wind down, children grow up, and longtime friends move away, or pass away. The comfortable, familiar circles we once belonged to quietly dissolve.

That’s when many of us find ourselves asking: “How do I start over socially at this stage of life?” And more importantly, “Why does it feel so awkward?”

Old Habits Die Hard

By the time we reach our 60s, 70s, and beyond, we’ve all developed communication habits, some helpful, some not so much. We may not even be aware of them. For example, maybe you love sharing your life story, and you’re proud of your accomplishments. That’s wonderful! But if you dominate every conversation with tales of “what I did back in the day,” others might start to tune out. It’s not that they don’t respect you; they just don’t feel heard.

That’s the heart of it: the need to be heard is universal. When we talk but don’t listen, we miss that connection. And over time, people begin to keep their distance.

Want to Be Interesting? Be Interested.

A simple rule to remember as we rebuild our social circles: People are drawn to those who show a genuine interest in them. Being friendly isn’t about dazzling others with our achievements or opinions; it’s about being curious, present, and open.

Try this the next time you’re in a group: instead of preparing what you want to say next, focus fully on what someone else is saying. Ask a follow-up question. Nod. Smile. You’ll be surprised at how quickly others warm to you when they feel you’re truly listening.

The Vulnerability of Starting Over

Here’s the part that doesn’t get talked about enough: making new friends takes courage. It can feel uncomfortable. You might feel rejected at times or worry that others are judging you. Those feelings are real and normal. The good news? They’re not permanent.

The more you practice showing up with openness, humility, and a sense of humour, the more others will respond in kind. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present.

What You Can Do Today

• Start with one person. Choose someone you see regularly, at a club, a meeting, or even at the grocery store, and make a small effort to connect. A compliment, a question, or a kind remark goes a long way.
• Be mindful of your stories. Share, of course, but keep it balanced. Make sure others get equal airtime.
• Laugh a little. A sense of humour, especially about yourself, breaks down walls faster than anything else.
• Be patient. Real friendships aren’t made overnight, but every warm exchange lays a brick on the road to connection.